DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

[lunakitty2609]

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

Op said she called 7 times at 20 minute intervals. That's a long time to not answer calls when you have someone else's child.

No, it isn't. If, say, I'm cooking in the kitchen with the radio on there's an excellent chance I won't hear any phones for half an hour or more. And if you phone my mobile, there's an excellent chance it's in my handbag and it'll be out of earshot all the way through the cooking and eating process; likewise if I'm watching something on TV.

It doesn’t matter how many times she called if the phone was in the other mother’s pocket but flat, or accidentally left it the car or in her bag but hung up in the hall.......

When someone else is responsible for your child ( by the way 9 is young !!) then they should be fully contactable l esp in this day and age.

Why? If you've trusted someone with your child why would you need to contact them and what do you mean by " esp in this day and age "? If you are worried that something is going to happen to your child at a sleepover ( in this day and age ) then surely the most logical and sensible thing is to keep them at home!

If there was any problem with the child the sleepover parent would be ringing you! There's no need whatsoever to keep ringing and ringing and sending numerous texts. It's been said more than once that no news is good news!

And anyway, there is no suggestion that the mother was out of touch on purpose!

My ds had to walk home from the station carrying two guitars and a bag of cake tins (long story) in the pouring rain a couple of days ago because I had accidentally left my phone in the car and didn’t get his many begging texts....

I meant that we are in an age when people are constantly contactable!!

I agree. I would rather the mum be looking after the dc, sorting dinner out, getting them settled for the night than sat glued to her phone ignoring the kids! Some people aren't obsessed with their phones and just dump them in the drawer or leave them in the car.
And plus the mum apologised for not picking up and the OP spoke to her child in the morning.

Amazingly all was well.

I meant that we are in an age when people are constantly contactable!!

And that's the problem right there. People are impatient and get infuriated if someone doesn't reply immediately. But there's many reasons why they don't. Take this example here - Mum was busy taking care of other people's children at a sleepover! Shocking behaviour

I can understand why the OP was worried, I really can. Nobody is rational about their own children. What I don’t understand is what people think might have happened. All the “Thank heavens she’s all right” sort of,posts. What might have happened that mean the other mother couldn’t ring?

My oldest is ten and has never slept over at a friends house and most of his friends are the same. I think he’s had sleepovers at his cousins on his dads side but his dad has been there too, like when they’ve all visited and stayed over.

I don’t think yabu op I would expect a text at some point in the evening to check everything was fine x

I don't know. I think anxiety takes over and all rationale goes out of the window. I also expect there's amount of indignation here because the mum didn't reply immediately.

In reality had there been any sort of problem the mum would have been straight on the phone! The fact she wasn't would have reassured me that all she was well.

Absolute madness. This thread is an eye opener.

A colleague has a DD who is nearly 17 and she went with her and her mate (same age) on the train to London on Sat as the girls went to a concert. Colleague hung around killing time to escort them back!! I can't get my head round it! 17!! No special needs before anyone asks!

Why is this her first night at a friends house at. Aged 9!! You sound v overprotective. Chill out. If there was a problem the other Mum would call you. I wouldn’t be expecting you to call to be honest.

I would only let my primary aged child go on a sleepover with a family I knew and trusted anyway so if they were uncontactable I wouldn't give it a second thought as I would trust the parent in charge to be doing right by my child and if there were a problem that they would ring me. If I had the slightest doubt about the decency or competency of the parent my child would not go there in the first place, day or night.

What exactly is the awful risk that people are anticipating? Abduction? Sexual abuse? Physical injury?

Remember the sheer excitement being 8 and having a brilliant time with at my friends house and the playdate turning into a sleepover. Hot chocolate in front of the A team and midnight feasts. Happy memories.

The problem is, @KERALA1 that children do get abused on sleepovers so it's not something that you should make light of. And some of us have been abused as children or know someone who has been. Once you've experienced something like that it's not something you can just get out of your head and trusting is hard.

Sadly, children get abused in all sorts of environments. Doesn’t have to be night time.

Why would the mother not answering her phone make abuse more likely?

Why can’t you seem to understand that some parents just worrry about their children?
I don’t have my phone glued to me but if I have someone else child here’s it’s just common sense to have my phone on me incase the patent needs to get hold of me.
I thought you were supposed to be a “thinker” Bertrand.

I didn't say it did make it more likely, not at all. It's about her own anxiety, which can spiral out of control with the mind going into overdrive. When that's happening you're not thinking rationally.

Why can’t you seem to understand that some parents just worrry about their children?

Surely all parents worry about their children? It's possible to worry about your child and also accept that it's not grossly irresponsible to not hear your phone ring.

Surely all parents worry about their children? It's possible to worry about your child and also accept that it's not grossly irresponsible to not hear your phone ring

All OP did was ring a few times and then come on here for some reassurance.
And yes, I would think it’s irresponsible to have my child overnight and not check your phone at all.

Don’t all parents worry about their children?

That doesn’t mean that the worry is rational or should be acted on.

Why would the sleepover over parent think to have her phone with her in case the child's parent needs to get hold of her? She's the one with the child. What on earth could be so pressing that a parent needs to keep ringing and texting about?
There's no logic to this. It just screams of irrationality and anxiousness.

And yes ALL parents worry about their children obviously, but some of them can keep some perspective to whether their children are actually in any potential danger and that their worrying is necessary.

I have my phone on me all the time. But there have been times when it has done the IPhone thing and gone unexpectedly flat. And, as my poor abandoned ds would tell you, there have been times when I have left it in the car. But yes, surely it’s the child’s mother who should be on the alert for phone calls, not the other one.......

Yes same here, my phone is usually knocking about and switched on but occasionally it'll be left upstairs to charge and I can miss a few texts or calls.

You really can’t think of any reasons?
Family emergency? I need to change the pick up time? Somethings come and I need to get my child now? My child has left their inhaler here and they will need it in the night?
Or the fact that this was the 9 year olds first sleepover and it would just be nice to send a quick text saying everything is fine.