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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

621 replies

lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:25

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 12/03/2018 00:09

Mama would you let your child join something like Scouts? If so, would you let them go on camps?

simiisme · 12/03/2018 00:32

Amazing bunch of laid back people on here! Your child is staying somewhere for the first time and you cannot get hold of the person they're staying with? Who gives a shit, eh? Your child, by the way - not a pot plant or a hamster.
The person hosting is totally irresponsible to be unavailable in this way. They should have rung the Mum to say all was okay as a matter of courtesy and consideration.

Cavender · 12/03/2018 02:16

It’s not “who gives a shit” it’s “the first thing another parent would do if there was a problem is call me”.

As we “laid back” parents said, the Mum will just not have noticed her phone, everything will be fine.

And it was. It was fine.

No drama required.

treaclesoda · 12/03/2018 04:35

The person hosting is totally irresponsible to be unavailable in this way.

Until very recently I had no mobile reception where I live. Did that make me irresponsible and unfit to host a child overnight? Confused

mathanxiety · 12/03/2018 05:18

What is the need to sleep at someone else's house when you can sleep in your own bed.

My dad once asked 'Why would we ever want to go out for a meal when [mum] is such a good cook?' He almost got a frying pan to the head in response.

The answer to your question, MamaChan, is 'fun'.

mathanxiety · 12/03/2018 05:20

And if you want to go all dreary and serious about it - 'educational', 'mind-broadening' and 'boosting socio-emotional development'.

ArtieMae · 12/03/2018 07:08

I’m with you on this one. It’s the first time your child is away on a sleepover so it’s a big deal. You just want to know she’s setting. She’s the most precious thing you have and it’s perfectly reasonable you want to check she’s ok. Personally I always text parents to say all going well if my kids have friends over for play dates or sleepovers. I think too many parents are way too lax and trusting when sending their kids away overnight. It annoys me how judgmental they are of other parents who are more cautious. Better safe than sorry.

ArtieMae · 12/03/2018 07:10

Totally agree

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/03/2018 07:20

And also that they are more in danger with people who they are not related to.

Yes indeed. Most children know their abusers.

lcl · 12/03/2018 07:20

What happened in the end ? You were absolutely not being unreasonable at all! When someone else is responsible for your child ( by the way 9 is young !!) then they should be fully contactable l esp in this day and age. I’d have driven there and taken my child home. My son had a sleepover at 9 for his three friends and I sent about 4 texts st various points of the evening to say how they all were. My son (10 this week) has only slept over with cubs and grandparents so far. My daughter 7 , just grandparents. I hope all went well in the end. I wouldn t let her go again.

Grammar · 12/03/2018 07:27

Yes, but what if there had been a disaster or crisis at Ops end and needed to contact these parents?. Not reasonable to not pick up the phone when you have someone else's child.

BertrandRussell · 12/03/2018 07:28

The mother sent an apologetic text as soon as she saw the texts and got the OP's dd to ring. All was well. As of course it was.
I don't understand why no contact means something bad had happened. If something bad had happened of course there would be contact! I can see why the OP was worried- but the worry wasn't rational. It was a shame that the other mother didn't see the messages, but this stuff happens. You can have your phone in your pocket and not realise the battery's flat. For example.

k2p2k2tog · 12/03/2018 07:35

Personally I don't trust other people with my child people are sick

What a depressing - and very wrong - attitude.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/03/2018 07:40

No ArtieMae I'm not lax at all. But I'm not irrational or filled with a notion that abuse only happens at friends sleepovers. Because it doesn't. Children in the majority of cases are abused by someone they know well eg a family friend or a relation of some kind.

BertrandRussell · 12/03/2018 07:44

"Personally I don't trust other people with my child people are sick"
That's awful. So no school, visits to grandparents, Brownies. Sunday school, music lessons, craft workshops, sports coaching.......

KERALA1 · 12/03/2018 07:50

Beginning to feel abit sorry for some kids today.

Not allowed to go outside unaccompanied. Not allowed sleepovers or to be in the company of non family adults. Leading stunted insular lives because of adult anxiety.

bastardkitty · 12/03/2018 07:52

It's not really okay to extrpolate and ridicule like that.

MamaChan · 12/03/2018 08:32

@ineedaholidaynow tbh I hadn't really thought about scouts. It depends how old are you when you join scouts/ go camping?

Again I never said no school no sports no grandparents. i said no sleepovers as have many other her people on this same thread

BertrandRussell · 12/03/2018 08:37

It you don’t trust your children with other people at night, it is only logical that you don’t trust them with other people during the day.

GnotherGnu · 12/03/2018 08:43

To me not responding to text messages and calls suggests something might have happened imo.

Seriously? It couldn't just mean that the person concerned just isn't near the phone? It's completely unreasonable to assume that the other parent is at your beck and call, ready to leap to the phone as soon as it beeps. I would work on the basis that I could safely assume that nothing had happened because, if it did, I would be contacted.

MamaChan · 12/03/2018 08:44

I had also posted that my child goes with family does sports goes to parties. I merely said no sleepovers

chocatoo · 12/03/2018 08:45

Are you phoning her mobile or the house 'phone? She's probably left her mobile in the car or her handbag. If there's a problem they will call you.

MamaChan · 12/03/2018 08:48

Op said she called 7 times at 20 minute intervals. That's a long time to not answer calls when you have someone else's child. I'm not suggesting that she call every 10 minutes and say the child is fine. Just that she replied a little sooner than it took her.

KERALA1 · 12/03/2018 08:51

I went to a fascinating talk at school by a sociology professor or some such. They showed a map with circles showing the distance the average 9 year old could go unaccompanied in 1903, 1933, 1963, 2003 etc you get the picture. Every 10 years that circle shrunk incrementally. 1903 they roamed miles from home. Now they not allowed to the end of the road. Partly cars, partly media so awful but thankfully extremely rare cases (which always happened btw) get massively magnified.

At this rate kids will be confined to their family homes. People are so suspicious. I think its very sad that a by product of technology which brings so many benefits in other ways seems to be a breakdown in trust and an upsurge in paranoid suspicion. For me this thread is a real eye opening example of that. The OP is clearly unreasonable imo but person after person doesn't think so. I think its sad. Sad for the parents but even sadder for the children.

BertrandRussell · 12/03/2018 08:52

“I had also posted that my child goes with family does sports goes to parties. I merely said no sleepovers”

And I said that that is a completely illogical position if your objection is on safeguarding grounds.