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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

621 replies

lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:25

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/03/2018 19:18

I did drop off for certain activities, yes. I sent them to school too. I let them go to sleepovers at their friends houses because I knew their parents well enough to be satisfied they were in safe hands.

treaclesoda · 11/03/2018 19:21

Well, generally when people let their child go to a sleepover they also know the parents. The way some people on mumsnet talk about sleepovers you'd think parents who allow them just send their kids off with some parent that they've only met for five minutes. I don't think most people do that, do they?

My 11 year old doesn't do sleepovers because she is too anxious, but frankly I wish she would because it would be so good for her to realise that she can be away from us for a few hours and the sky won't fall down. I'm much more worried about her anxiety than I would be about her sleeping overnight at a friend's house.

Goldmonday · 11/03/2018 19:24

I used to loathe sleepovers. Not anxiety related I just like my own space a routine too much.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/03/2018 19:25

Situations where I try to contact the person in charge of my child and they ignore me.

How can you be ignored if you've never left them?
The child in question was probably having a blast, the mum apologised for not picking up. What a big old fuss about nothing.

zeeboo · 11/03/2018 19:31

You are waaaay to over protective. My dd started going to sleepovers in reception class. Her Mum did text a photo of them in the bath but since then they have slept over at one house or the other, each had two sleepover based birthday parties and regularly sleepover with other friends. I don't always post a photo on Facebook or text the other Mums and neither do they.
"Only 9" there is no 'only' about a 9 year old who is capable of communicating her needs and wants to her friend or the parents.

ohnomoresnow · 11/03/2018 19:35

Has the OP been back?

Did the child come home safely?

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 19:39

Again I never said I've never left my child. So it can happen. I said my child doesn't do sleepovers.
Ok it's good that the mum apologised and there was no issue. However my child still won't be going to sleepovers.

HarrietKettle · 11/03/2018 19:52

Well it'll be a shame when your child wants to go to sleepovers and can't because if your anxiety, won't it?

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 20:05

You know my child is going to want to go to sleepovers how?

Furthermore going to sleepovers isn't important at all so not being allowed to go isn't going to be a problem.

It really has nothing to do with anxiety at all

HarrietKettle · 11/03/2018 20:06

How do you know they won't?Confused

Or say they don't want to do they don't want to because they know your feelings on it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/03/2018 20:09

Sleepovers aren't important to you Mama. That doesn't mean they won't be to your children though.

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 20:15

It's evident that we are culturally different. Everyone I know is of the same mindset. If it's not family your not staying there. Like I said @harrietkettle and @greatduckcookery you do what's good for your household and I'll do what's good for mine. you parent you children ill parent mine.

BertrandRussell · 11/03/2018 20:47

"It really has nothing to do with anxiety at all"

Well, obviously it is. Because it's not rational. So anxiety -either clinical or just over protectiveness-is the only explanation. And children often say they don't want to do things their parents have said no to-because they want to protect their parents.

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 20:57

It's really not anxiety.

My parents never stopped me active or otherwise from going to sleepovers. I just never wanted to. What is the need to sleep at someone else's house when you can sleep in your own bed.

As I said before parent your own children not mine. What I do doesn't concern you or anyone else.

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 20:59

How is it not rational to not want your child to stay at someone else's house?

HarrietKettle · 11/03/2018 21:01

Mama I don't know if you're being deliberately obtuse for the sake of it now but you're coming across as extremely narrow-minded.

Are you raising your children in some kind of cult?

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 21:06

Not at all. Narrow minded?? Not at all. Most definitely not in a cult. Not sure how you came to that conclusion.

Like I said before my child is able to do everything a child does play do sports etc except go to sleepovers. Not sure what the issue is. More importantly not sure what the issue is for you or anyone else who as responded to me telling me it's an issue to not let your child go to sleepovers. because here's the most important part it's NOT your child.

As I've said before culture differences are clear. You have your view and I have mine.

PoorYorick · 11/03/2018 21:08

Sleepovers are the absolute best thing when you're a kid. So, so, so much fun.

tinkerbellone · 11/03/2018 21:12

@mamachan
I agree 100%
My girls are not allowed sleepovers.
They sleep at my parents & their child minder and my close friend.
Children have a voice but they are vulnerable. I would never let them sleep over anywhere else.

MamaChan · 11/03/2018 21:17

@tinkerbellone thank you and I'm sure your girls aren't missing out at all. As they still get to social with other children

KERALA1 · 11/03/2018 21:48

I have extremely happy memories of sleepovers as a child with my best friend. Midnight feasts, chatting, watching Dynasty. Seeing how other families do things a little differently to your own. Very happy times. I would feel sad if my children never got to experience that.

BertrandRussell · 11/03/2018 21:49

It is bizarre that people seem to think that bad things only happen to children during the hours of darkness. It is just ^illogical” to allow children to go to other people’s houses during the day but not overnight.

treaclesoda · 11/03/2018 22:09

It is bizarre that people seem to think that bad things only happen to children during the hours of darkness.

And also that they are more in danger with people who they are not related to.

cazzaG · 11/03/2018 23:05

Sheesh there’s some VU people on this thread! 7 calls might have been a little OTT but the other mum should Defo have been contactable just incase... and I always send a little text or pic to other mums during a play date or sleepover anyway! Not that anyone NEEDS it, it’s just being nice! It’s nice she apologised in the end but kind of sucked that you didn’t just get to enjoy your night off...a 2 second text wouldn’t have hurt!

eiledon · 11/03/2018 23:14

yanbu. my ds is 8 and has only ever stayed over at grandparents.