DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

[lunakitty2609]

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

You'll be speaking to her?

Sounds like your daughter's had her last invitation to that house.

@BertrandRussell Sold into slavery or being used as a sacrifice to their satanic God. That's the only logical explanation if parents don't receive hourly updates.

I think you sound unhinged, OP.

Nice There is nothing unhinged about worrying how your child is.

It's about recognising distress Bertrand and empathising irregardless of congruity of opinion.

An accident?
Dd homesick and the other parent just ignoring it?
Just general perfectly normal concern over a small child staying away for the first time?

I think you sound unhinged, OP.

And you sound very rude. Not a nice way to talk to anyone.

I must have missed the post where op expected hourly updates

Did you say to her that you're a worrier? If you did then she really is a bit of a twat for not at least shooting a quick 'she's fine' text at the least.

Unfortunately not everybody has the good manners , consideration or empathy as the next person. (Funnily enough as illustrated very well on this thread.)

OP I don't think you sound 'unhinged'. Even if the mother doesn't normally use her phone much throughout the day, she should have it with her if she is looking after someone else's child.

She didn't, she just called 7 times because she wanted to know all was well. All that was needed was just one text reply, and then all would have been well.

Glad you have spoken to DD now

I think it’s off tbh op. And I can see while you wouldn’t have been worried if you hadn’t texted/called. Once you had and were ignored that would set most people’s minds racing to awful scenarios where the host COULDN’T contact you - anxiety or not.
When you’re looking after someone else’s kids part of being responsible is being contactable imo. I have even sent my dh’s mobile number to parents before now for eg if we’ve been having tea out with our kids and a friend’s child and my battery was low. I will also text if there’s anything I’m not sure about. Whether young children are allowed to play out in the street or go to the next street to call for a friend for eg. Having your phone on silent is pretty lax. Ime about half of parents will send a ‘how are they doing, hope they’re behaving’ text and half won’t bother. Usually parents I know a lot better. I don’t necessarily send an update but I’d always be contactable and parents hav always been contactable when I’ve sent a ‘how are they doing?’ text. Which I sometimes do and sometimes don’t.
You can’t compare it to sleepovers in the 80’s. Everyone had a landline then which isn’t the case now and there just wasn’t the expectation of contact outside of emergencies so no worry associated with being unable to make contact. I also never stayed in a friend’s house at primary age who didn’t either live on my street or the next street.

And the fact some people are having to pretend the op expected ‘hourly updates’ rather than one text response shows that what the op actually expected wasn’t unreasonable imo.

@headintheproverbial what an unpleasant, bitchy post.

“It's about recognising distress Bertrand and empathising irregardless of congruity of opinion.”

Yes of course it is. And if the other mother had seen the 7 missed calls she should have responded. It is difficult to believe that someone wouldn’t. So it is reasonable to assume she didn’t see them til late, when she also saw the OP’s message saying it wasn’t anything urgent, so decided to wait and get the child to ring her mum in the morning.

That is a different question to the “what do people think might have happened” question.

Maybe they went to the cinema?

Would you take someone else's child somewhere without telling the parents?

Umm, yes? If they were already in my care and staying at my house, of course I would. I mean, I wouldn’t leave town with them, but I wouldn’t be calling the parents to ask if they could come to the shops/cinema/pool.

You’re not unhinged OP.

But why would she need to contact you if they were going to the cinema? Isn’t that the kind of thing 9 yos do on sleepovers?

My comment about sleepovers in the 90s wasn’t meant to mean that the other Mum shouldn’t have replied to OPs initial contact. Just illustrating that our communication levels are much different nowadays.

There are positives and negatives to the culture of constant contact. I think it can breed anxiety, if someone doesn’t reply within minutes we start to worry the worst has happened.

^someone will be along in a minute to tell you that their child has some deep seated psychological trauma related to cinemas and would combust if they set foot in one.

Just seen that she sent an apology text but I didn't notice it as it came at the same time the phone rang. She said she was sorry that she only just saw the messages but DD has been cool.

All is well in the world again

Id never dream of taking someone's child out somewhere without checking first - there are a number of reasons why the other parent might not want them to go to a certain place, or want the opportunity to give the parents a heads up about something (my ds is terrified of the cinema, he has a hearing problem, hed put on a brave face if with a friend but its something I'd want the other parent to be aware of) they might even just be expected to be informed in case they need to contact them urgently.

Ifeel quite lucky now that the playdates and sleepovers that my DC go to are with parents who understand this very easy concept.

Xpost Bum, apologies my ds issue with the cinema was just a boring health related issue, not quite as exciting as a psychological issue.

I think she probably just uses her mobile phone in a different was to OP. If I'm at the cinema, theatre etc on a Friday evening I switch my phone off and unless any of the dc's are going anywhere they may need to contact me I often don't switch it on again until midweek Monday morning. I don't take it upstairs with me at night unless a dc is still out and I wouldn't hear it from the bedroom whereas some of my friends ds1 wear theirs constantly attached to their hand.

I'd assume then that you would have told the other parent this before sending your child for a sleepover thus avoiding the issue entirely.