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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

621 replies

lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:25

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 10:16

So what happened? Did the mum ring you back then?

WashingUpWarrior · 10/03/2018 10:16

You're not being unreasonable at all. When someone else's young child stays over at your place, especially if it's for the first time, you should answer the phone. Even if you feel you have the god-given right to judge other parents' for being 'too anxious' as many people on here seem to do, what if there were an emergency at the child's home?

WashingUpWarrior · 10/03/2018 10:19

Ah, I just read that all is well. Smile I hope your daughter had fun. Sorry that you didn't!

Lizzie48 · 10/03/2018 10:19

That's great, OP, you will know what to expect next time and won't be so anxious about it. Smile

Lovesagin · 10/03/2018 10:20

I don't blame you at all op. a genuinely nice parent would 'get' that this is a bit of a worry for you, first time away from home is a huge deal for some people, it was for my DC, and they'd be happy to send a quick text that takes 10 seconds to let you know she's fine.

Next time (although as I say there's probably zero chance I'd personally want Dd to stay there again) get her a cheapo PAYG mobile so she can text you herself.

She will be fine, but I totally get your worry, especially if they are just parents you know from the school gate.

You could post a thread tomorrow saying you let your 9 to Dd stay at someone's house you barely know and it's the first time she's stayed out and you haven't bothered to check up on her and youd get posts saying you're too lax Confused

And fwiw for me there's an unwritten rule - your kid goes to someone's house and you want to take them somewhere - well you check. At 9 she may still need a booster seat, might not be able to go to a certain place for whatever reason, you may need to contact them urgently and have no idea where they are ......schools need permission to take kids out places so imo other parents should also check, it's just courtesy.

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2018 10:20

Stop winding the OP up. All’s well.

FairiesVsPixies · 10/03/2018 10:21

Oh good, OP. Glad she's ok, you can relax now Brew

Lovesagin · 10/03/2018 10:21

Xpost - good news op :)

But yes, still a very poor show from the other parents Angry

Original poster
lunakitty2609 · 10/03/2018 10:22

She got my daughter to phone but didn't give any explanation as to why she hadn't done so before. I will be speaking to her tonight when she drops her off.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2018 10:22

I’m so glad she’s fine. 😊

purplecorkheart · 10/03/2018 10:23

I wonder did she forget her phone somewhere and only could pick it up this morning.

rainbowunicorn · 10/03/2018 10:23

I doubt you will have to worry about her wanting your daughter to sleep over again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2018 10:25

Tbh I wouldn’t talk to the parents about that unless they bring it up. Just get the mobile for next time. It is better not to be seen as that parent, which you could be judging by what some people have said on this thread.

Missingstreetlife · 10/03/2018 10:26

Why are you sending your child to stay with someone you hardly know, and haven't actually spoken to and made proper arrangements with? Who else lives there? No wonder you are anxious.

bastardkitty · 10/03/2018 10:26

That would be the last sleep over for me at this friend's house. Glad your DD is okay. 5pm is a very late return. They're usually ready for home by lunchtime. Is there a specific reason for it? Please don't apologise to the mum.

headintheproverbial · 10/03/2018 10:27

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TidyDancer · 10/03/2018 10:27

While I do think you were fairly extreme in calling that many times last night, the apparent lack of apology thus far from the mother is not really on. She could've replied or perhaps phoned you herself. It is obvious you must be anxious and, warranted or not, it wouldn't have killed her to reassure you since it is the first time your DD has stayed there.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 10/03/2018 10:28

I'd have a word with her. I wouldn't give a shiny shit about being known as 'that parent'. She has been utterly thoughtless.

MidniteScribbler · 10/03/2018 10:28

I doubt you'll have to worry about her not calling next time, I doubt she'll be invited again. She does not owe you an explanation.

People need to stop assuming that the invention of mobile phones means that people are at your beck and call and must immediately respond. I don't answer calls or texts at work in most instances, as very few things are so important that they can't wait until after work. I get sick of the snarky comments 'are you ignoring me?'. No, I'm trying to do the job I'm paid for, and your texts with the picture of your dog are not urgent enough for me to stop that work to response to.

Lovesagin · 10/03/2018 10:29

And tbh op if the mum uses your perfectly normal concern as a reason for not inviting her again, well, that just proves the sort of person she is and probably for the best, saves you having to say no :)

Elizanotlittle · 10/03/2018 10:32

But she didn't expect a reply straight away.

It wasn't just a ' How are you text?' either.

She was caring for a child on her first sleepover. Totally different to being at work. Which I do agree with you on.

BumDisease · 10/03/2018 10:33

"5pm is a late return"

5pm is late? 🤔

ADishBestEatenCold · 10/03/2018 10:33

"I will be speaking to her tonight when she drops her off."

To the other mum? Don't do that.

She didn't look at her phone last night (probably because she was done with it after 7pm, as many people seem to be), however she did check her phone this morning and acted upon it to ensure you were reassured.

Perfectly reasonable behavior on the part of the other mum, unless you had specifically asked for an evening update. I'm guessing you hadn't.

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2018 10:34

Out of interest, what do people think might have happened to the op’s Dd to merit all these “glad she’s OK” posts?

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2018 10:35

“5pm is a very late return.”

From a day out? Hmm