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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

621 replies

lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:25

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

OP posts:
TheEagle · 10/03/2018 09:55

unicorn, good point.

I went on many sleepovers in the 90s, I don’t remember ringing my mum from someone’s house. I suppose my friends mums may have called mine but I honestly don’t think they did. We rang the next day when we were ready to go home.

Is there a landline? After all your calls and texts I do think the other Mum should have responded.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 09:56

She'll be fine. If she wasn't they'd have been in touch.

You may be 'a worrier' but that's your issue to manage, not one to be shoved onto someone else to manage.

Let it go and next time set up some agreement for her to ring for a goodnight if you feel it's necessary.

Original poster
lunakitty2609 · 10/03/2018 09:56

Would they have already left for their trip?
Yes, unfortunately, it's an hour drive away.

Maybe they went to the cinema?
Would you take someone else's child somewhere without telling the parents?

OP posts:
useruseruser · 10/03/2018 09:57

I would be annoyed too. Takes 2 seconds to send a quick reply to reassure you.

Cuppaoftea · 10/03/2018 09:57

So she's intentionally ignoring you. I had this sort of thing with the parents of two of my eldest DD's friends when she was the same age. A 'when she was with them they knew best and they'd decide what plans to make with her without telling me' attitude. Overbearing and unacceptable with a primary school age child.

My DD disliked it as much as I did and I stopped arranging anything with them outside of school.

Bossbaby12 · 10/03/2018 09:58

I would be annoyed too. I am sure she is is fine though Smile

rainbowstardrops · 10/03/2018 09:59

If be really annoyed too, especially as she knew it was your DDs first sleepover and you'd be understandably a bit anxious.
I wouldn't be in a hurry to send her there again.

Chimchar · 10/03/2018 10:00

I'm a real worrier, and I would be quite upset by now.
BUT, I'm sure your dd is having a lovely time, and that all is well.
Think the whole 'no news is good news'.
I hope your mind is put at rest soon. BrewCake

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2018 10:02

"So she's intentionally ignoring you."

It is much more likely that she has lost or broken her phone. Cock up not conspiracy.

Loubilou09 · 10/03/2018 10:03

It really pisses me off when people shell out the “growing up in the 80’s/90’s” line...

Yes we were all fine and people didn’t Phone as much but times have changed - we have moved on and this is now not then!!!! People text and phone using their mobiles - it’s how communication happens NOW and it’s really bloody easy to do. Its thoughtless not to text a Mum when you have their 9 year old staying, particularly as it’s a first for the child and for you...I would be furious

Panda81 · 10/03/2018 10:04

Maybe after the last text message you sent explaining there was no emergency and you were just a worrier, she interpreted it to mean there was no need to reply now? Depends on your wording.

Also could this morning have been a rush to get out the door so no time to reply?

Lovesagin · 10/03/2018 10:04

I'd be really annoyed too op, that's not on at all. I'm afraid my child wouldn't be staying there again I don't think.

How well do you know the parents?

TabbyMumz · 10/03/2018 10:06

"would you take someone else's child somewhere without telling the parents"! Lots of people do. My child has often come home from a sleepover and told me they were taken to X, y, z for a treat. Or once they were allowed to walk to the village shop or walk their dog.....all things I didn't know she would be doing. If you let your child go on a sleepover, you have to be ready to accept they might do things you wouldn't normally let them do. They are someone else's charge for the night, and everyone has different rules and expectations. I'm unsure why people think they will have been asleep by 10.30, sleepover's by me mean they are awake all night watching films or doing blind makeup sessions!!!

FuckingHateRain · 10/03/2018 10:06

OP I'm sure DD is fine, just next time tell that mum what you're expecting from her wrt updates/reassurance messages.
Yanbu at all, what she's doing is not on, possibly on purpose as well. Take it as a lesson how to set expectations with inconsiderate people like her

k2p2k2tog · 10/03/2018 10:06

Wouldn't most hosting parents only contact or expect contact if something had gone wrong??

That's the norm round this way. If I had a mother dropping off a child and saying "please ring me to let me know she's fine and because I want to say goodnight" I would have this expression. Hmm

And the child with the needy, anxious mother wouldn't be getting another invite.

Original poster
lunakitty2609 · 10/03/2018 10:07

How well do you know the parents?
I don't know them as friends, I just know them as acquaintances I guess. Through DD school pickup.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 10:10

It’s a bit rubbish OP but it sounds like the mum doesn’t use her phone much. Some people don’t. It’s probably in her car or her bag. Try not to worry.

Oblomov18 · 10/03/2018 10:10

She will be shocked when she sees the 7 calls.
I'm surprised she hasn't text back by now.
Maybe with your anxiety, it's best if you don't let your dd go on any more sleepovers.

princesswonderful · 10/03/2018 10:10

I would be exactly the same - I would be beside myself with worry etc. But logically you know that if anything was wrong you would know. As you can see from these replies everyone is different but I personally think the people she are staying with are very strange not to think to message you even without you messaging them first. If it was me she would never stay over with these people again until she's much much older. Also I will get flamed for this but I would actually buy her a phone to take with her on sleepovers/trips away with very clear instructions for use!

Original poster
lunakitty2609 · 10/03/2018 10:11

All is okay. Spoken to DD... panic over. Still, a bit annoyed at the mother, but I'll get over it.

Thank you all for the messages of support or a kick up the backside Smile

OP posts:
DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 10/03/2018 10:11

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I would be worried and angry. It's out of order - I don't believe she would have not looked at her phone all last night and this morning. What if you had an emergency and needed to get hold of her? Upon seeing your texts it's not right that she should just ignore you, knowing you are anxious. Don't know what to suggest but I massively sympathise.

Original poster
lunakitty2609 · 10/03/2018 10:12

Also I will get flamed for this but I would actually buy her a phone to take with her on sleepovers/trips away with very clear instructions for use!

Already on it! Grin

OP posts:
sonjadog · 10/03/2018 10:12

I think you have your answer. She doesn´t look at her phone often - it took her a day to respond to your first text. If her phone isn´t important to her, it probably won't occur to her to look more than usual at it.

Livinglikethenext · 10/03/2018 10:13

If something had happened, you would have heard. Keep that in mind. No news is good news. It sounds like the lack of response from the first few attempts has spiraled you into a worry which is totally understandable.

Saying that, it is a pretty poor show on the mums part. I think part of the package of having someone else's DC is that you are contactable to be fair.

What about contacting another parent who's child is attending the party to ask if your DD and friend have arrived?

Livinglikethenext · 10/03/2018 10:14

X post! Glad all is well.