To ask attitudes towards teenage daughters + sex

[emberflames]

This question is a little "out there" and blunt. I've just turned 26 with no children, but this is a topic I'm genuinely curious about.

Luckily in recent years people have become more aware of how awful "sl*t shaming" is and there is more of an acceptance towards women enjoying sex just as much as men but without horrible labels attached to them.

But when it comes to your own DDs (and I mean once of legal age of course) how do you approach the issue of sex and "sleeping around."

I'd never want to make my child feel ashamed about having sex. To be very honest I've never had a big sex drive so was never at any risk of being called horrible names simply because I didn't care about sex. But if I had a DD very different to me I wonder how I'd approach it.

I know some people will take this the wrong way so I'll try and be as diplomatic as possible! but my memory of the girls who did sleep around a fair bit etc were also always very much the "mean girls". That group of girls that all schools have who think they're above everyone, tease, belittle. The "popular" girls who aren't actually popular because they're really not nice people. It always seemed to be those girls who were known to have sex at all the parties etc but that in itself never really seemed to cause any issue it was more the whole sleeping with each others boyfriends, or their friends crush, or with friends ex's etc that people would be about. There was always drama amongst the "high sex drive" group. Now I am by no means saying that only "mean girls" enjoy sex! Not at all but truth is they were the ones who I suppose had the reputations.

I'm interested to know how parents of teen girls do approach this topic. Is it very much "as long as you're safe" kind of attitude? If you heard through the grape vine your DD had slept with 4 different guys over a weekend of partying would you be fine with it? Or anxious? Or disappointed ?

I think for me what it comes down to is the bragging. I lived with a girl at uni who would sneak out 3/4 nights a week. She was always very quiet about it and none of us knew where she was going. It wasn't until one night when we were all really drunk that she said she meets up with guys she's met from Tinder for one night stands. She was very open and said she just really enjoys having sex but didn't want the relationship side of things. I remember thinking good on her. I think it's great when women can celebrate their sexuality and not be ashamed. But I suppose it's the bragging of who slept with who that I find a little uncomfortable.

Not many blokes ashamed to brag about their conquests. Should be if they are exploitive & dishonest, true.

Gals may suffer more if they catch a disease, so 4 different partners in one weekend would worry me from that perspective.

Oh absolutely !! I already know my attitudes towards men and the unfair attitude towards sex that people hold. I know how I'd feel about a DS having lots of sex. I suppose I'm just wondering how myself as parent would approach the idea of "slut shaming" and how to deal with the inevitable mean comments if she did enjoy regular sex.

Bragging is generally frowned upon in Britain.

One thing I very vividly remember from school was that the "mean girls" group as you put it were very much celebrated for their sexual conquests. I agree there was often drama involved but no one was vocally horrible about them. It was the less "popular" and "pretty" girls who got a hard time.

there was one girl in particular who I suppose was your stereotypical nerd. Very into anime, comic books, science fiction etc. She was known to sleep around a fair bit and people were freakin' hideous towards her for it. Even the "popular" group who probably slept around far more than she did but they were constantly throwing hateful comments at her.

I agree OP that as long as there's no sleeping with best friends boyfriend or ex or bragging about all the people they've slept with, I wouldn't see an issue. I'm in my 20s too and also have a similar low sex drive so have never encountered that side of things before but it's certainly something important I think to discuss.

Themirror true. I suppose because I'm just not a highly sexual person myself I've never really understood the need to talk about it so much. Like fine great if you enjoy lots of sex but I remember vividly sitting in uni lectures having to hear people loudly talk about their walk of shame or who they woke up next to and it just seemed like such a brag when actually no one was that impressed

What a funny thing to want to come on here and talk about as someone with no children of your own.

Weird thread.

Himalayan ?? So I'm not allowed to find certain topics interesting ? "Slut shaming" and female attitudes towards sex are very current topic. I studied an entire module during my degree about the very topic. Yes I find it interesting and my friends and I have discussed It a few times sorry you seem offended by that.

Yikes. Very surprised that people find discussing "slut shaming" and modern day attitudes towards sex weird.

I suppose as a student of psychology sociology and anthropology I have different interests all I know is my fiends and I often talk about feminist issues such as this. I've never felt it weird. Lesson

OP I find it an interesting conversation as well. Since it was international women's day yesterday I read a couple of articles I saw on Facebook about the sexual liberation of women which discussed issues such as this. There seem to be a few prudes here who don't think sex is an appropriate thing to discuss

I don't listen to or believe any rumours about teen girl sexual exploits. I used to be a teenaged girl and I had a terrible reputation for sleeping around before I had even kissed a boy.

So, if I heard anything about a girl on the grapevine I'd probably tear a few strips off it for slut shaming kids and fuckwitted gossip.

What degree did you study, emberflames?

I find this a really interesting and difficult topic. I have quite a high sex drive but have also more or less always been in a relationship. But my sister thinks that I am a total prude because I have only ever slept with 8 men. My sister, on the other hand, has slept with many more people than me but doesn't really seem to enjoy sex - she seems to have sex with men to prove that she is attractive and always ends up feeling bad afterwards. She has also had some horrible and frightening experiences - I am not victim blaming, I am just giving this as context. This has always really worried me as it seems like she is having sex with people for some bad reasons but she has accused me of 'slut shaming' when we have talked about it.

I would have the same feelings about my dd sleeping with lots of partners as my ds. If they are being safe and doing it for the right reasons (genuine attraction and hopefully some degree of liking the other person) then I'd been comfortable with it.

Thesun anthropology and sociology with a lot of psychology modules, why? Do you really not think that sex and female/male attitudes towards it and how massively things have changed over the years is a topic worth studying? You could do a whole PhD on the topic

Meant to say isn't a topic worth study

I was right to think you weren't being quite straight up with us op.

What does someone do for work after an anthropology & sociology degree.
Sex politics sounds pretty boring to me, but I guess the world needs all sorts.

Thesun sorry why are you now attacking my degree ?
I achieved a * aa at alevel and ended up at one of the top universities in the country. Your attempt to shame my degree hasn't worked :).

and yes, the world does need all sorts. If people didn't start talking more about these issues than any woman who enjoys sex would still be called a slut, many rape victims would still be being told they were "asking for it" and many wives would think that part of their marital duty is to sleep with their husbands whenever he wants. You don't find sex politics and attitudes towards sex interesting fair enough. Why comment on a thread and tell me that? If I read a thread I

"What does someone do for work after an anthropology & sociology degree"

Would you like fries with that?

Pressed enter too soon. If I read a thread I don't find interesting I simply move on. I don't make a point of telling OP I'm not interested.

Well my dds are teenagers and both requested I go with them to get the pill at 15. They are very sensible and I agreed. They have had a few long term boyfriends. A year plus and now are 18 and enjoying uni and travels.

My girls never would dream of using the word slut shaming and neither would their friends. It’s s daily mail expression isn’t it?

My girls were taught to be strong women To keep
themselves safe in all areas including sex.

I think the ‘mean girls’ thing Is out dated mysogynistic bollocks actually and I see girls like my dd and all their friends as mature accepting and supportive of each other,

Creambun ?? Nasty personal attacks for what reason exactly ? You didn't honestly just make out that anthropology isn't a respectable degree? I think my first class honours from Durham university , masters degree and well paid job considering my age would disagree but please, if it makes you feel better go ahead.

...because your tone is ‘off’.

We are fed up of being dailyfuckungfail fodder.

If you want to do a PhD, write an article or wank yourself silly over stories of posters teenagers sex lives, then go elsewhere.

I have young adult sons & no daughters, but if I did have daughters my view would be the same - their sex lives are absolutely none of my business.