To ask attitudes towards teenage daughters + sex

[emberflames]

This question is a little "out there" and blunt. I've just turned 26 with no children, but this is a topic I'm genuinely curious about.

Luckily in recent years people have become more aware of how awful "sl*t shaming" is and there is more of an acceptance towards women enjoying sex just as much as men but without horrible labels attached to them.

But when it comes to your own DDs (and I mean once of legal age of course) how do you approach the issue of sex and "sleeping around."

I'd never want to make my child feel ashamed about having sex. To be very honest I've never had a big sex drive so was never at any risk of being called horrible names simply because I didn't care about sex. But if I had a DD very different to me I wonder how I'd approach it.

I know some people will take this the wrong way so I'll try and be as diplomatic as possible! but my memory of the girls who did sleep around a fair bit etc were also always very much the "mean girls". That group of girls that all schools have who think they're above everyone, tease, belittle. The "popular" girls who aren't actually popular because they're really not nice people. It always seemed to be those girls who were known to have sex at all the parties etc but that in itself never really seemed to cause any issue it was more the whole sleeping with each others boyfriends, or their friends crush, or with friends ex's etc that people would be about. There was always drama amongst the "high sex drive" group. Now I am by no means saying that only "mean girls" enjoy sex! Not at all but truth is they were the ones who I suppose had the reputations.

I'm interested to know how parents of teen girls do approach this topic. Is it very much "as long as you're safe" kind of attitude? If you heard through the grape vine your DD had slept with 4 different guys over a weekend of partying would you be fine with it? Or anxious? Or disappointed ?

I think for me what it comes down to is the bragging. I lived with a girl at uni who would sneak out 3/4 nights a week. She was always very quiet about it and none of us knew where she was going. It wasn't until one night when we were all really drunk that she said she meets up with guys she's met from Tinder for one night stands. She was very open and said she just really enjoys having sex but didn't want the relationship side of things. I remember thinking good on her. I think it's great when women can celebrate their sexuality and not be ashamed. But I suppose it's the bragging of who slept with who that I find a little uncomfortable.

Optimuss again, what? I graduated in 2015...

My god I'm so baffled by what's going on here.

You are not an anthropology professor. You work in Recruitment. Your questions and any answers you receive will not be part of any academic work.

You are someone with a run of the mill office job who is asking parents to share details about their reaction to gossip about their teenaged DC's sex lives on the Internet.

Myrtle again, missing the point. It's about modern day attitudes towards sex and how they approach it with their children.

I can't believe I'm being made to feel like some weirdo for having an interest in this. My friends and I often discuss current feminist topics and this is one of them. The idea of "slut shaming " etc. I've never been Made to feel bad for being interested in sexual politics, the sexual liberation of women etc. But my god this thread has thrown me. I feel really shitty now what a nice way to start the weekend

Emberflames today "I'm 26"

Emberflames on 7/3/2018 "I'm 25 soon"

If you are going to be a bullshitter remember the "facts" about yourself you post.

Ok I'm done here. What a nasty place this is.

au contraire...nobody talks like this...

I think its time to bow out OP

Ember - what point did I miss? I asked you which degree module you took at Durham and then pointed out that could you not apply your intellect to understand why posting on a predominately female site about teenage sex - you say attitudes but you were also the one suggesting 4 over a weekend - could sound a bit off? if you're completely above board then why wouldn't you reflect and think yeah - I can see how this may come across...

Ah ember must be name changing now!

its not a "feminist subject" unless youve misunderstood feminism...incidentally age 26,i wouldni have thought it up,declared i was feminist and not queried boy parents ?feminist is not a free reign to explore if woman interprets sexuality from an outside,utterly bizarre attitude whilst poncing it up with claims of diplomacy. having read through the rest of responses-its my non gender specific opionion that whatever shit you thought you loaded.not to worry.can always changer your name n start over from a less judgey,weird platform..jus saying(i still love it)

Itsu, just noticed that! This poster is indeed a troll

Toys for OP?

i missed out shit loaded has not that surprisingly backfired.hope you get a ride soon.

Thankyou OP for posting this, what a riot
With all your degrees, I do wonder how you cant seem to remember your age?

OP - I am probably repeating what others are saying but you’re getting a hard time on here for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, you’ve posted in AIBU - so we would generally expect a post detailing a specific scenario and asking for views on whether their action/proposed action would be unreasonable. So your type of post is unusual and whilst people do post here for traffic, they generally provide that context in their post. I know it sounds a bit arsey to say that you’d get a different reaction by posting on a different board on the same site, but I guess it’s all about managing expectations.

Secondly, on reading your post I immediately thought you were at best a student looking for info to support a piece of academic work and at worst, a journalist looking to inform an article. The latter has certainly happened more than once, and people understandably don’t like it and feel a bit tricked. It might be worth re-reading it once you’re a little less upset and see if you can see what I mean.

Because of both of the above, you’ve not managed to build much trust to make people want to share information about their children which is highly sensitive. My children are still very young, but I personally have no intentions of sharing any knowledge of something so intimate about them with a bunch of strangers on the internet, no matter how anonymous I may or may not be. I want my children to feel they can trust me to talk about sex... how will they do that if they think I’ll go and post the info online?

Just sitting here...
... Waiting for the deletion message...

Just read all this, ta for the laugh

Oh and having just caught up with the thread... you’re also inconsistent with simple personal data. Looks like I’ve wasted my time attempting to help you understand peoples’ reactions.

My DD and I heard a few weeks of talk from 2older girls when waiting for the school bus.This poor girl had had sex with a boy at school who had then passed the news all around the school but my DD learnt more from that than she would have listened to me.
Really a few years ago on the back of this she asked me how old I was,we also had the one about the one most girls encounter'...but if you loved me you would...'.I have explained that lots of boys say that but neither of you should do anything unless you both want to.You can say NO
What you can't explain is how your hormones and emotions sway your good intentions Inthe moment.
Same with internet safety,I showed her the famous picture of naked students jumping off a bridge,the boys are covering their genitals,the young women have covered their faces.
Then you stand back,think about all the mistakes you made when young knowing they will do same.
Really now I'm there to answer questions and feed her ice-cream if she falls and be there as constant what ever happens.

Damm,to me so long to type I missed the above.

Well this is awkward.