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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask attitudes towards teenage daughters + sex

103 replies

emberflames · 09/03/2018 21:46

This question is a little "out there" and blunt. I've just turned 26 with no children, but this is a topic I'm genuinely curious about.

Luckily in recent years people have become more aware of how awful "sl*t shaming" is and there is more of an acceptance towards women enjoying sex just as much as men but without horrible labels attached to them.

But when it comes to your own DDs (and I mean once of legal age of course) how do you approach the issue of sex and "sleeping around."

I'd never want to make my child feel ashamed about having sex. To be very honest I've never had a big sex drive so was never at any risk of being called horrible names simply because I didn't care about sex. But if I had a DD very different to me I wonder how I'd approach it.

I know some people will take this the wrong way so I'll try and be as diplomatic as possible! but my memory of the girls who did sleep around a fair bit etc were also always very much the "mean girls". That group of girls that all schools have who think they're above everyone, tease, belittle. The "popular" girls who aren't actually popular because they're really not nice people. It always seemed to be those girls who were known to have sex at all the parties etc but that in itself never really seemed to cause any issue it was more the whole sleeping with each others boyfriends, or their friends crush, or with friends ex's etc that people would be Hmm about. There was always drama amongst the "high sex drive" group. Now I am by no means saying that only "mean girls" enjoy sex! Not at all but truth is they were the ones who I suppose had the reputations.

I'm interested to know how parents of teen girls do approach this topic. Is it very much "as long as you're safe" kind of attitude? If you heard through the grape vine your DD had slept with 4 different guys over a weekend of partying would you be fine with it? Or anxious? Or disappointed ?

I think for me what it comes down to is the bragging. I lived with a girl at uni who would sneak out 3/4 nights a week. She was always very quiet about it and none of us knew where she was going. It wasn't until one night when we were all really drunk that she said she meets up with guys she's met from Tinder for one night stands. She was very open and said she just really enjoys having sex but didn't want the relationship side of things. I remember thinking good on her. I think it's great when women can celebrate their sexuality and not be ashamed. But I suppose it's the bragging of who slept with who that I find a little uncomfortable.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 09/03/2018 23:41

hey MN it's late and I bet you have had a few so please do regale me with details of your teenage daughters sex lives Hmm

flimflaminurjams · 09/03/2018 23:49

This thread is weird.

OP's question is weird and her inconsistent facts are weird.

nellieellie · 10/03/2018 01:09

Really shocked at some of the nasty responses here. I have a DD aged 10, and this issue is one I think about a lot. On the one hand, I don’t want my DD to feel that sex, for a woman is ‘wrong”, but on the other hand, Id worry I think. A lot is about the power relations, so I suppose if my DD was confident and self assured and in control, then fine. If it’s sex with an element of doing it to be popular, or to keep a boy’s interest before she is ready for it, then I’d be concerned for her. Obviously the issues of pregnancy and STDs would be there too. It’s a difficult one.

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