To be in constant sadness because I'm obese

[Busybusybee1]

I was always a normal weight and loved outdoor activities. After having my son I got terrible postnatal depression and was put on sertraline. Within 6 months I had gone from 11 stone to almost 16 stone! I had to come off the sertraline but thankfully my PND went.

I made sure to eat healthily and waited to return to my previous weight. I lost a stone. Then no more. I'm 5ft6 and 15 stone. I'm obese. I have had to stop a lot of my outdoor activities I used to enjoy as I don't have the physical ability to do them. My joints hurt and I'm tired all the time. Even walking can be a struggle. I've no idea why but nothing has shifted the weight.

I used to be attractive. I'd be told all the time I was attractive day to day and have never been without that. I do not suit the extra weight and look incredibly unattractive. My face looks swollen and my features aren't prominent anymore.

I feel so I comfortable, particularly when sitting down. None of my clothes fit so I've had to buy clothes in sizes I've never bought before.

I've been 13 stone before and looked alright. So even if I could lose two stone I would look much better and be much happier.

I'd never have taken the sertraline if I had known what it would do to me.

I have never changed my diet and even calculate how many calories I am eating (2000 or below on average). I don't know why I'm not losing the weight now I'm off the sertraline.

My GP is aware and said my diet isn't one that would cause weight gain but will only cause slow weight loss. I can deal with slow.

My family say to live my life. I'm only going and there's more to life than having being fat. But I'm so unhappy being obese. AIBU?

No your not being unreasonable,it's like your now living as a different person,than the one you spent your whole life knowing. Do you reckon you could try gradually doing some more walking?,in turn giving you the ability to do more exercises.

Have you calculated your basal metabolic rate? If you are relatively sedentary, you may find that eating around the 2000 calorie mark is what you need for weight maintenance, not for weight loss. You may find until you can start moving more and building muscle, which will then assist you in burning more calories, that you need to be relatively restrictive with your calories (obviously not starving yourself or making yourself ill).

Two things, you say your joints hurt so get some bloods done with your Gp.
Secondly, 2000 calories is a lot if you’re physically inactive.
I gained weight because of my thyroid, Hashimotos. Hence me saying get your bloods done.
It’s miserable and I hate it so I get where you’re coming from.

I love walking so shall do more. Once I've my headphones in I can walk for miles. I'm not sure it will be enough though. To lose weight you have to eat a deficit and I've never had to do that before.

I tried slimming world but felt it got me used to too big portions and I don't want something that doesn't help me get into bad habits as my diet right now is fine

I am actually hyperthyroid. So technically should be losing weight. But I've had it for years and it's only affected my energy levels on the Odd Occasion. Ive had other Tests And ive no other health conditions

I wouldn't say I'm inactive. Walking is now a struggle but I make the effort and do around 3 miles of brisk walking a day. So I would say I'm quite active

When did they last test your tsh and t4?

Yes, for many women 2000 is maintenance level, particularly if you can’t move much. Reduce calories and gradually increase activity levels. An extra few metres a day walking soon adds up.

You should join Slimming world, you can do it. 2000 is too much calories per day if you're trying to lose weight

Also is your 2000 calories,taking into account drinks,fizzy/alcoholic/tea,etc. 2000 a day is the general limit for women,so try decreasing this slightly,gradually,within reasonable limit of course.

I feel exactly the same OP. I used to run and do exercise regularly, had kids, got a knee injury and changed my work hours - and just piled the weight on. My joints hurt so much that exercise is painful and now I've built it up so much in my head that I get anxious just thinking about it.

It took until fairly recently to see a photo of me to realise how much weight I've put on - I kind of didn't think it was that bad but it is. It's a vicious circle as I'm always so tired and busy that exercise is so far down the agenda both mentally and physically.

Some days are better than others but it's always there. The rational side of me feels stupid and that I just need to pull myself together and do something about it but then the depressive side of me sabotages any progress. I then have self loathing and feel guilty..and so it goes on.

Maybe we can support each other?

From what you’ve said, especially how you describe your face I would think there was something else going on. A bloated face is a sign of something I can’t remember the name of though.

I can’t eat 2000 cals. I need 1400 just to maintain and that’s walking 5 miles a day. I have to decrease calories and up to 9 miles a day if I want to lose weight. If I ate 2000 a day I would pile the weight on but I’m quite short.

Maybe some sort of logging system might help. Match your exercise to your cals in and let’s you know when you’re going into the red?

YANBU. I really feel for you and hope you can get the support you need to either make changes to your weight and/or your attitude to yourself.

I have so much respect for people who can maintain happy, fulfilled lives and like themselves for who they are, whatever their weight is. I couldn't do it. Most of my self worth and happiness is tied up with being thin which is so so shallow, pathetic and ridiculous it makes my head spin. But it is what it is and I know I couldn't cope with being obese.

I am a man and my BMR was only 1960. It is no where near what they recommend on the food packets.

That was when I was completely sedentary to be fair, since I have started exercising more I think its 2000-2300 ish

You are definitely NBU! It's an awful feeling to not feel like yourself.

I'd echo what others are saying OP. Everyone is different, but I don't loose weight unless I stick to 1200 calories or slightly under and at 2000 I would gain weight pretty steadily. I'm 5ft8. Although tbh I've suspected I might have a thyroid issue for a while now, but it might be worth playing with your calorie intake. Maybe just decrease by 100 cals, and see how that goes.

I'm 5'5 and weigh about 9st 9. I have a sedentary job but I run 5 miles twice a week. If I ate 2000 calories a day I would gain at least 1lb per week. OP you need to halve your calorie intake.

If I ate 2000 calories a day I would be huge. That's a lot of food.
I stay slim because as soon as I gain even 6lbs my joints hurt, I feel sluggish and my back hurts. So it's not worth it. I think some people are more susceptible than others regards weight gain and how it affects them.
Arthritis runs in my family so I assume it's that.
I run to keep my weight down. Have you thought of doing the C5k?
It's amazing once you can run first mile. And you feel so much better very quickly.
Good luck! Don't beat yourself up too much

I'm sorry op but you're eating too much. I suspect you know this deep down.

You will need to cut your calories, and I suspect quite substantially. I would aim for 1500 a day first off, it may still be too high.

In addition make sure you count it all, food and drink. People do tend to under estimate their calories.

There is no point being sad every day. Just cut back and in a few weeks you will see a massive change.

I feel quite similar OP. I've put on weight over the past few years but ballooned a couple of years ago due to a health issue that stopped any and all exercise and numerous medications. I'm improving but it's going to take time, so exercise is very limited and thus weight loss is very very slow (taken me 1 1/2 years to lose 2 st) although my sweet tooth is a major hang up.
The only advice I've had from medical professionals is to use my fitness pal and slowly increase my exercise. To be fair, that is the method I've used for losing the weight I have and it works when I stick to it.

I think your calorie intake is too high too.

Can you log on my fitness pal for a week or so and track it? Then reduce it. Gradually. And see if you start losing.

For instance if you track it and it is coming in at 2000 a day maybe reduce to 1800 for a week or so to adjust and to see if it makes a difference.

Some stuff in the media this week about calories and it suggests a split of 400/600/600 for adults each day. So that’s 1600.

I’m 5’ 7 and 15 st 11. I def would not lose weight on 2000 calories a day. I’m going to try the 400/600/600 split with a daily walk and see if that results in a loss. I’m a bit all or nothing and flit between various ‘regimes’ which are not helping me mentally.

I think I'd demand to go back to the GP and ask to see the dietician OP. If you were always slim before there is no reason why you can't be again, but I think when you have a lot of weight to lose it seems like such a huge mountain to climb that it can be overwhelming. You need help and support. The other option would something like WW or Slimming World, or My Fitness Pal. I think 2000 calories a day is a lot if you desperately want to lose weight, but I think I'd be aiming for 1lb a week at least as you want to lose stones, rather than just a few pounds. You can do this OP. You have to believe that you can, or you'll be stuck.

I’m pretty active, walk a fair bit per day with the dogs and on my feet at work all day, and I have to eat 1200 cals to lose weight. I’d gain loads if I ate 2000.

Eat less, move more. You’ll lose weight. It really is that simple.

Yeah Myfitness pal is free and pretty good too as a PP said, try that for a start, it will tell you how many calories you need to be eating to lose the weight when you enter your details