To be in constant sadness because I'm obese

[Busybusybee1]

I was always a normal weight and loved outdoor activities. After having my son I got terrible postnatal depression and was put on sertraline. Within 6 months I had gone from 11 stone to almost 16 stone! I had to come off the sertraline but thankfully my PND went.

I made sure to eat healthily and waited to return to my previous weight. I lost a stone. Then no more. I'm 5ft6 and 15 stone. I'm obese. I have had to stop a lot of my outdoor activities I used to enjoy as I don't have the physical ability to do them. My joints hurt and I'm tired all the time. Even walking can be a struggle. I've no idea why but nothing has shifted the weight.

I used to be attractive. I'd be told all the time I was attractive day to day and have never been without that. I do not suit the extra weight and look incredibly unattractive. My face looks swollen and my features aren't prominent anymore.

I feel so I comfortable, particularly when sitting down. None of my clothes fit so I've had to buy clothes in sizes I've never bought before.

I've been 13 stone before and looked alright. So even if I could lose two stone I would look much better and be much happier.

I'd never have taken the sertraline if I had known what it would do to me.

I have never changed my diet and even calculate how many calories I am eating (2000 or below on average). I don't know why I'm not losing the weight now I'm off the sertraline.

My GP is aware and said my diet isn't one that would cause weight gain but will only cause slow weight loss. I can deal with slow.

My family say to live my life. I'm only going and there's more to life than having being fat. But I'm so unhappy being obese. AIBU?

Maybe you can articulate better What you're after op? You're happy to lose weight slowly and are doing so. Your doctor has told you to stay at this level of calories and up your exercise. Do you have the time to do this if you're already walking 3 miles a day?

I don't think you should be unhappy if you're losing weight the way you wish to, you appear to have it under control.

People were just posting that they would struggle to lose weight on 2000 calories a day, assuming you wanted advice on how to lose weight because of,your unhappiness. But this isn't the case, it's not what you're after. No harm was meant.

I am confused though, you're very unhappy being obese. You wish to lose it slowly and via exercise not diet, I'm not sure what you want,from this thread. I think you have to help people understand.

I was looking for replies from others who are overweight and feel the same as me.

I did not ask for diet advice and it was unwanted. I trust my GP and dietician and have always been a healthy weight prior to taking medication. I don't consider my diet needs to change. I know I will lose eventually at this weight. I also don't want to cut calories anymore than I am as I know my own body and want to make sure I stay a healthy weight once I reach that goal.

I'm not sure why anyone would read my thread and make the conclusion I wanted diet advice. I'd only take advice from medical profession and anyway as I have a medical condition.

I'm grateful to those would replied explaining they feel the same. Being obese is horrid and mentally and physically painful for me.

I know I will not always be this way but for now I am and will be for a few months longer.

I think OP just wanted some understanding and sympathy for her unhappiness about her current weight - not advice on losing weight. She already knows how to (and is) losing - but she feels like shit and wanted to rant about it/hear similar stories.

Oh, and thank you to Husky and others for your support after my other post

Oh, sorry, cross post

Thanks manic I thought this was obvious but obviously some people need it spelling out to them.

I can't believe people think it's appropriate to give out advice on a forum that directly contradicts what an OP has said their own doctor has suggested. Madness!

Well I obviously needed it spelling out. You posted that you were sad at being obese. That you had lost a stone but then no more. You said you had no idea why you weren’t losing any more. So sorry but I thought you wanted advice. Which you have had. 2000 calories a day is too high to lose weight no matter what your doctor says. Doctors don’t actually have a lot of training or knowledge about weight loss.

So yes I have sympathy and I understand how hard it is. Apologies for the advice which was clearly not wanted.

op, you're clearly very upset about the suggesrions to cut calories, but you stated in your op that you were deeply unhappy, had originally lost weight, stopped losing weight and stated " I've no idea why but nothing has shifted the weight" and " I don't know why I'm not losing the weight now I'm off the sertraline"

So it's natural to answer with the obvious, which is you're eating too much. Clearly that's not the case and you're now happy and confident you will lose it and you just wanted to know how people managed the self image thing, But I think you can understand why folks were misled.

As for the image thing, having gained and lost weight I'd say the confidence comes from knowing your are losing the weight that is making you unhappy and shrinking weekly and moving towards your goal.

Have you tried Exante? It works x

I agree with bluntness, it doesn’t come overnight, it comes bit by bit as you hit the scale and see a loss, after all weight wasn’t gained overnight and won’t disappear overnight either. Maybe set mini goals? A treat out somewhere when you hit the next stone/half stone, an activity you enjoy, a spa day pamper?
I know for me ive set half stone targets to make the 8st more manageable and have promised myself some horse riding(which I did every day growing up) which I’m way too heavy for at the moment but once I reach my 4 stone target I’m off on a hack somewhere.

I aim to be at least 4st lighter by the summer hols so I’m focusing on the thought of being able to wear a swimming costume again without too much embarrassment and take the kids swimming in the summer.

Looking ahead and not focusing too much on now works for me.

OP I'm a GP and we have virtually zero training in nutrition and diet. I would much rather take advice from a forum of people who probably have about 1000 years of dieting between them!!

And if your hyperthyroidism is adequately controlled then your metabolic rate won't be speeded up.
You said in your OP that you don't know why you're not losing weight now you're off the sertraline. We've told you - you're eating too much. It's up to you what you do with that information.

No way is 2000 too much full stop. I need 2500 a day to maintain. Everyone is different. Sometimes, it is just medication that puts on weight. I put two stone on on the pill and it took a year to lose it.

Nutritionists do know about diet even if GP's dont and OP's nutritionist has advised.

For some reason this thread is so annoying. So much unwanted advice.

@Busybusybee1 To be honest, I think you're in denial. You said in your OP that you have never changed your diet, have always been active and have always been a normal weight before the medication caused your weight gain.

You are no longer a normal weight. You are obese. And you are no longer as active as you were before.

Whether you want to believe it or not, you need to reduce your calorie intake to lose weight.

2000 calories may have been good for you to maintain your weight before, when you were not obese and you were active.

That is not your situation anymore.

Reduce calories and slowly build up your level of activity. Once you have lost the weight and are more active, you will be able to maintain your weight with a higher calorie count.

You have been given a lot of good advice by people on this thread. Don't dismiss it just because it is not what you want to hear.

Right now, you need to take responsibility for your weight - expecting to lose it without making any changes to your diet, just because you've stopped the medication is delusional.

I’ve asked before Op but you haven’t answered. When were your last thyroid bloods done? This could be where your problems lie. My thyroid is never stable and swings between hypo and hyper depending on my meds. This would be the best place to start. The sore joints and fatigue are very indicative of thyroid or other autoimmune problems. I took amitriptyline in a high dose for anxiety and deoresdion and gained tons of weight, was always very slim before. My thyroid just compounded everything.

@Drqedwa Yes, maybe you need 2500 calories per day to maintain your weight but the OP is at least 4 stone overweight.

She needs to lose weight, not maintain her current weight.

I don't doubt it was the medication that caused the weight gain, but it is the OP that needs to make the changes now to lose the weight.

Busybusybee I have been overweight once in my life. I ate my way through heartburn with my second pregnancy. I was miserable but it took a lot of effort to change my habits. I had three stones to lose and I was simply eating too much. So I did very strict calorie counting, reduced my daily intake to 1500 and exercised everyday and stopped drinking wine. I found that it took a while to get to my initial target but within 7 months I was happy. You can do it! People on this thread are trying to help.

But I'm so unhappy being obese. AIBU?
Well, it's not a matter of being unreasonable, is it? You feel how you feel. It does seem a bit strange to be unhappy about something and not do the obvious thing to relieve that unhappiness though.

You are not being unreasonable- I'm about the same weight and height as you and my weight is getting me down. 18 months ago I weighed 10st 10 and was a size 12 and now I'm a size 18 and haven't really adjusted to my size. Unlike you I was never particularly beautiful but I definitely look 100x worse now that I'm obese.

According to the Harris Benedict BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) calculation if you are around 30 years old (I have no idea if you are much younger or older than that- if you're younger you can eat more, older you can eat less!) 5ft 6, 15 stone and relatively inactive (e.g. not engaging in moderate/intense exercise on a regular basis such as running where your heart rate is increased and you're breathless) then to lose 1lb per week you need to eat around 1500 calories each day or 1000 calories to lose 2lbs per week.

If you increase your exercise then it's ok to eat a bit more or to stick to 1500 calories and lose weight more quickly.

Oh sorry OP, just read your replies to others comments that said you didn't want diet advice or to cut calories further..

So... I absolutely feel like you do- the prospect of going to a Christening this weekend is making me feel even worse as I have nothing to wear that fits and the last time I saw some of the people that are attending I weighed 11 stone and was just a bit tubby!

I have severe OCD and know lots of people who are taking SSRIs and have put on weight. I think that they can actually disrupt your metabolic rate so that you burn fewer calories whilst on them (with the same amount of exercise).

Have you had any counselling recently- would it be worth finding a counsellor to talk this through with?

Ah, so the OP didn’t want any useful advice or opinions, just a shoulder to whine on.

Fair enough.

Hyperthyroidism can become hypothyroidism over time. That’s what happened to me and it was actually triggered by a period on Sertraline (I googled it and it can play havoc with your thyroid) and low vitamin D. Doctors in the UK are absolutely useless at thyroid management - can you get new bloods done and get a copy of the results and do your own research?

What are your vitamin D levels?

that is interesting, feesh. Worth a look, OP?

Flouncy, you've been so obnoxious on this thread that any 'useful advice' you have given has been totally negated. Try not to be such an arsehole next time, maybe.

I think people need to be in the right mind set to diet. I don't think I quite believe the op that the doctor told her not to go below 2000 or that she's losing weight on it, or that on 1700 she'd be underweight in no time. But if it's where she is mentally it's where she is. The struggle is hers.

Sometimes it's just a mental fight between what's worse, eating less or being obese. Right now for the op it's the thought of eating less.

Tough place to be.

It's really crap OP. I am the same as you but have been overweight most of my adult life. The only time I've ever lost significant weight is after a break-up and once when I initially tried Atkins years ago. I really feel for you.

I'm trying to cut down on eating generally but for me it's doing it for a long period of time which I fail at.

Good luck.

Seriously what advice can a medic give as they are not trained in nutrition- some need to take their own advice and I say that as a medic myself

Do you have a Breeze group near you? Have you tried cycling?

Is there a parkrun near you? You can walk it, no need to run. When you have lost a little weight and your joints are feeling more up for exercise you can start a couch to 5k course, either via an app or find a group. The groups often "graduate" to a parkrun. As others have said, a fitbit is a good idea too, I am pretty fit but was shocked by how sedentary I am when not running!

And yes 2000 calories is too many. Try 1500. Don't cut too much because you'll just feel hungry and that achieves nothing if you then eat too much again.