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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

‘Why is straight the default?’

200 replies

JeremyCorbansFancyWoman · 07/03/2018 07:44

I want to start of by saying I’m not prejudiced. I 100% believe everyone has the right to be attracted to and love whom ever.

But, there’s a movie coming out called Live Simon or something and I’ve seen a tag line from it asking ‘why is straight the default?’

This is going to sound awful and I really don’t mean it to be but if we were being very basic that the meaning of life of everything is to reproduce, it’s a biological man and woman that can do so. (Obviously I mean without modern day ways of helping people have children). I also read an article that said a million people in the U.K. identify as LGB but that’s 2%.

I would make the assumption someone was straight until told otherwise. And of course I wouldn’t have an issue, but does anyone else think that straight IS the default?

(I tried so hard not to offend in this post so apologies if I did!)

OP posts:

hidinginthenightgarden · 07/03/2018 07:47

Of course it the default. As you said, life couldn't reproduce if it wasn't the case.
Doesn't make you homophobic to state facts.

ButteredScone · 07/03/2018 07:51

It was brave of you to put this in AIBU...

The move against science in favour of feelings is a true concern. It’s part of a move to prioritise an individual’s need for self-expression through identity labels, at a cost of understanding our own species as a whole.

People are so concerned about being on the ‘wrong side of history’ that they will say that Up is Down if it means that they look inclusive. No-one wants to be mean or impolite.

toolazytobakeacake · 07/03/2018 07:53

Straight is the default in the sense that a lot more people are straight, so statistically you are more likely to be right if you assume someone is straight. I can understand why gay people would like you to consider the possibility that they might be gay, though.

VulvaNotVagina · 07/03/2018 07:56

YANBU
straight is the default because the overwhelming majority of people ARE straight. It doesn't mean you're homophobic to hold that view.

emberflames · 07/03/2018 07:56

2%? What a ridiculous statistic !! No chance is it as low as that.

Original poster

JeremyCorbansFancyWoman · 07/03/2018 07:58

I understand they would like people to consider they may be gay which I think most people are open to that possibility. But taking into account majority statistics, it is helpful for them to state otherwise (if willing and appropriate).

OP posts:

lostincumbria · 07/03/2018 08:02

Yes it's 2% based on the Sexual Identy 2016 survey. However it's 4% for 16-24 which suggests either older generations are less likely to declare their sexuality, or young people are more likely to experiment.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/culturalidentity/sexuality/bulletins/sexualidentityuk/2016

Straight is the default, but you're BU to be bothered by a movie strapline. Because straight is the default, we should be aware of how much harder that makes life for LGBT people.

zzzzz · 07/03/2018 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 07/03/2018 08:04

There's no "meaning of life".

user1490607838 · 07/03/2018 08:08

Yeah straight IS the default. As has been said, the vast majority of people are straight - 97% or so? And also as someone said, it HAS to be, because it's the only way we can reproduce.

You wouldn't think that straight was the default though, when watching television programmes. There is someone gay in almost everything. In fact, there are a disproportionate amount of non-straights on many programmes. Not sure why.

GeorgeTheHippo · 07/03/2018 08:09

It's the default because it's the majority. That's all.

soapboxqueen · 07/03/2018 08:09

I get what you are saying. Yes being straight is far far more common than being gay, lesbian or bisexual. However, I think what we can do is not assume someone is straight. So not assume that when a man talks about a partner it may be a woman. If a lesbian couple are in a bar not assume they are sisters or 'escaped from their husbands for the night'.

troodiedoo · 07/03/2018 08:10

Maybe they could wear some kind of identifying symbol, make it easier for you.

Yes straight people are more prevalent. But being gay was a crime for a long time, so it's not a level playing field.

zzzzz · 07/03/2018 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov18 · 07/03/2018 08:11

What % is it? If it's not 2%?
As high as 5%?
Still very much minority. So yes it is the standard/norm.
I don't understand the problem?

StellaWouldYouTakeMeHome · 07/03/2018 08:13

Being straight is encouraged by society to facilitate reproduction and the survival of the human race I suppose. Saying that I disagree with the notion that anyone who does not fit that ‘societal default’ somehow has something wrong with them. I’m bisexual and happy to be (though much more attracted to women so I’m a bit more gay than straight I guess)

Boulshired · 07/03/2018 08:14

I still find with men it is safer to assume straight as quite a few would find it offensive to even assume the possibility that they maybe gay. “Gay” is still a largely used insult at my teenagers school unfortunately.

Oblomov18 · 07/03/2018 08:15

Actually I'm not sure about this. If domestic hungry is the norm, overwhelming majority.

Then surely, we should assume/it should be default to assume someone is straight. Not be 'bothered', or surprised, if they aren't.

But mathematically, statistically, it is only a small %. But not according to tv soaps/programmes generally, which now you come to think of it, actually is bizarre.

zzzzz · 07/03/2018 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2018 08:17

I’m confused as to how this can even be a question (by the filmmakers).

emberflames · 07/03/2018 08:18

I'd just take this to me that don't assume someone is straight upon meeting them. I never do. As a single bisexual woman it's drives me insane how many people will talk about me "finding a man" or "got yourself a man yet?" Type comments. Recently I heard from an ex girlfriend. I mentioned to a colleague that an ex had been in touch and immediately she started asking about "him." Perhaps it's a generational thing but I'd never assume.

Also I'm just shocked by the % as I know so many people who don't identify as fully straight. I'm 25 soon and a lot of people I know consider themselves fluid or have the "whatever happens" type attitude. My aunt in her late 50s recently said If she hadn't met her husband and married so young she's sure she'd have tried it out with women however if asked in a survey I'm sure she'd identify as straight. I think some people call themselves straight if they don't want to attach a "bisexual" label to themselves but in my honest opinion if someone considers a relationship whether it be romantically or sexually with the same sex, they are not 100% straight. As I say from the people I know the % surprised me.

extinctspecies · 07/03/2018 08:19

Straight isn't the 'default' in my world. I would never make an assumption about someone's sexuality without looking for clues in what they say etc. such as references to a partner.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 07/03/2018 08:20

The thing that winds me up is being told that your gay child is confused or will 'grow out of it'

Weirdly never hapoened with my straight children

emberflames · 07/03/2018 08:21

Use149 what on Earth?? What shows have more gay people on than straight ?? Poor poor straight people being marginalised.

emberflames · 07/03/2018 08:22

Zzzz why would you be offended if someone mistook you for a lesbian?

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