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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can you let your child go to boarding school?

479 replies

Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:27

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

OP posts:
thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 07/03/2018 22:34

And the prize for honesty goes to Mrs Schadenfreude.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 07/03/2018 22:36

Reflection, however, is not Mrs S’s strong point.
But she did make me laugh.

Gilly, meet Mrs S. See what I mean about giving people the benefit of the doubt?

Chanelprincess · 07/03/2018 22:38

Filtering out other ordinary people and making them afraid of them.

Children at boarding school are 'ordinary people'. Where on earth did you get the idea that they are afraid of other people? I was certainly not afraid of anyone who didn't attend the same school as me and I was quite happy to spend time with friends locally when I wasn't in school. My parents didn't keep me locked up or segregated from the rest of the world as you appear to perceive.

gillybeanz · 07/03/2018 22:42

Ha Ha Mrs S.
I think I remember you from the thread a few years back when I was asking for help, we spoke about enjoying/ not enjoying labelling everything. Grin

I know what you men about benefit of doubt, but honestly the people I spoke to on here and in rl / other school forums in general, not always Grin did come across as normal folks doing the best for their dc, but I'd be very naive to suggest that was always the case.

I'm sure if mrs S was asked why she chose the school/ boarding she'd have a very valid reason/ (s) why it suited her child.
Was it a dd Mrs S, I can't remember.

PorkFlute · 07/03/2018 22:51

In fairness it probably is what is best for the child. Even young kids.
If a parent isn’t prepared to send a young child away to board because their career comes first then that child probably is better off at boarding school than living at home with them.

KittyVonCatsington · 07/03/2018 23:01

pallisers

I did ‘own it’ in my first follow up post by stating it was silly to do as it meant you focussed only on that part.

I am ‘withering on’ about other things you have written. I am allowed to do that, you know. Are you aware of how rude and aggressive your posts are? I wouldn’t have defended another poster otherwise by saying not to be snippy, if you weren’t.

You were engaged enough on Roly’s side issue to comment, I then commented with an anecdote refuting that - are you the thread police stating who can and cannot post?

How about ‘owning’ your comments and accepting that there might well be families with that scenario you keep aggressively denying (backed up by scaryteacher)?

pallisers · 07/03/2018 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 07/03/2018 23:10

“Where on earth did you get the idea that they are afraid of other people? “

Durham. 1989.

Despite having been to a variety of boarding schools, it took about a month before they started doing obnoxious things that I would never have even known were something a person could do.

One habit was climbing across people’s gardens throwing fivers singing “we’ve got lots of money” then running away.

Starting fights was another speciality.

Oh, and long conversations about the stupid things the locals put in their shopping baskets.

Fear, hatred, lack of self esteem, impoverishment. Choose your word... I like impoverished. You can have lots of money and an impoverished childhood at the same time.

KittyVonCatsington · 07/03/2018 23:35

And you my dear, are so very predictable.

yolofish · 07/03/2018 23:40

ooh meow Kitty what an appropriate name!

GarlicBreadItsTheFuture · 07/03/2018 23:47

Oh well OP clearly you are the perfect parent we should all be just like you.

My DS chose to weekly board - he is sporty and it suits him to stay at school. He comes home every weekend and we are close. My DB made the same decision and has always been close to our parents and to me. My DD flexi boards because it reduces her time travelling to school and she chose a school which suited her.

But clearly all of our lives would be better if we had only consulted you before making these choices.

KittyVonCatsington · 08/03/2018 06:30

yolofish

Eh? Am I reading a different thread? You have also been reading pallisers posts, right? They’re acceptable?
I’m out.

famousfour · 08/03/2018 06:52

We'll it soon a reasonable question if a bit goady. I went boarding and loved it. I certainly never felt unloved - in fact it was at some sacrifice to my parents. They also 'raised' me - no doubt about it. They did it because they considered it the best education we could have (their view - others cab debate).

I was reflecting whether I would consider boarding for mine. It's not on my agenda as I feel I would miss them too much day to day. But I also feel that they will miss out by not having the great experience I had. But I would say some children are more suited than others.

I can see that it hard to understand for others why that would even be a dilemma. I know some who still send their children at 8 or so and I do struggle to 'get' that. So we are all different. The only thing I object to is narrow minded assumptions that it's about 'getting rid' of your children or 'not raising' them.

Chanelprincess · 08/03/2018 07:22

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth Thank you for that wonderful quote. Based on a sample size of n=1, this must all be true then....I rest my case. There is perhaps a reason that statistical significance is a reliable base for an appraisal of the evidence. Smile

Lizzie48 · 08/03/2018 07:25

Wow, there are some school bullies on this thread, @pallisers and @yolofish it feels like being back at my private girls' school. You need to grow up.

It's not about being the thread police. Of course you can post, we're objecting to posters behaving as if they were in the playground. Hmm

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 07:51

What a load of sanctimonious claptrap OP?
I see you're new or did you NC for this nasty, goady thread?

MrsMcW · 08/03/2018 08:01

I went to boarding school from the age of 10. Originally because my parents were abroad with the military and the local army school was terrible, but when they moved back to the UK I chose to stick with boarding as I loved it. I've never felt like I was sent away, or raised by other adults - I was and still am very close to my parents! Smile

GnotherGnu · 08/03/2018 08:14

setting them up for a good life could mean them attending a boarding school, there are some things you can't do yourself. There are some things you can't teach yourself.

Having been to boarding school, I can say with confidence that there is nothing I learnt that could not equally have been taught at day school. There were also no advantages in terms of making connections; if anything, the connections I made at university have in practice been way more valuable. Likewise there were no advantages in terms of independence, bar perhaps the fact that I probably found being away from home when I went to university slightly easier than others - but that was an advantage that disappeared within two weeks at most.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 08/03/2018 08:30

You’re welcome.

yolofish · 08/03/2018 08:58

eh? what? who have I bullied?

GrumbleBumble · 08/03/2018 09:30

thanksjane was the behaviour you describe exclusive to boarders or was it the result of posh school? I've known a few people that sound very similar the those you describe most of whom didn't board but had a superior attitude from a privileged upbringing. I've also known boarders and day pupils at the same schools who were very down to earth.

MrsSchadenfreude · 08/03/2018 09:46

Oh yes, Gillybeanz, the labelling!

One of mine has now left school, doing some light retail work for a year before she goes off to uni. The other is in sixth form. We are going overseas this summer, which was the main reason for DD2 boarding - continuity of education. DD1 needed an IB school as we came back from overseas too late for her to go back into the UK system.

I don’t think boarding schools today are anything like they used to be - mine had/have their own rooms and share a bathroom with one other, so plenty of privacy, own bedding and stuff, so quite personal.

gillybeanz · 08/03/2018 12:19

MrsS

I gave up on the labelling after the first year, now I just buy cheap clothes for school as they have no uniform anymore.
I thought it might be a bad move because of those that have and those that haven't got money, but it's fine.
Jeans and hoodies are the same wherever they come from Grin

I can't believe yours are practically grown up now, the time does fly.
Yes, mine only shares with one other girl and has most of her bedroom from home with her.
They decorate for everything or did, maybe too old now, although xmas decs still go up.

carryondoctor · 08/03/2018 12:30

Jane - did you struggle to make friends at university, by any chance?! You seem to have based a lot of strong views on your unique experience.

Someone in my halls at uni (London) once said to a homeless man, "ever seen one of these before?" and then ripped up a £20 note in front of him Angry. He hadn't been to boarding school.

Some people are just dicks. They don't turn into dicks because they went to boarding school.

SmartyPantsss · 08/03/2018 12:43

Hello Gilly & MrsShad, i think i was with you on the labelling thread. We too have abandoned the labelling. DS seems to come back with roughly the same amount of clothes we sent him with. Not sure about the socks but hey ho! I see its business as usual on these type of threads Grin.