Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

needtogiveitablow

"Seen just 2 mins ago:

OP: life is shit and I feel borderline suicidal

MN: have a nice breakfast and a hot bath hmm"

That made me lol just because it's so completely stupid. 😅

A nice breakfast and hot bath for suicidal feelings, just what no doctor ever recommended. 🙄

A nice breakfast and hot bath for suicidal feelings, just what no doctor ever recommended. 🙄

Believe it or not the NHS crisis team around here regularly recommend a cup of tea, a nice walk, read a book, have a bath to callers with suicidal feelings and thoughts.

There's little else they can do with no resources/beds in MH wards, if the person hasn't acted on them.

It's dire. But happens all the time.

In S&B

OP: I'm struggling with my skin at the moment-I've got spots on my nose but dry patches on my forehead plus psoriasis near my eyes. I'm using X Y and Z products but they don't seem to help.

You're using too many products. I wash my face once a month with a dishcloth and washing up liquid. I moisturise with lard and everybody always tells me what great skin I have and how young I look.
I have not yet given / received / witnessed skin based compliments in my life and yet in S&B it seems to happen frequently. I love S&B because these things are not talked about in RL

The other thing that happens on S&B is how cutting out entire food groups solves all skin ills. Spots? Just cut out dairy (mine are hormonal, I don't eat dairy at all because I am lactose intolerant), go vegan, drink litres of water.

Asking for opinions regarding astroturf v carpeting in the living room then claiming they have great taste in interior design.

Upon finding out your dp has been shagging everything that moves being told to keep your sugar levels up. I know, I know it's great for shock etc but it just seems such a pathetic response.

Prior to finding out said shagging you should also have hired Columbo to tail him. Either that or do it yourself whilst hiring a cleaner.

I love...

OP: "I have been married to DH for 18 years, recently he..."
MN: "You should have thought about that before you had children with him."

Whaaat?

My recent favourite.

OP My husband works 60 hours a week, he was away for 12 hours yesterday and sulked because I hadn't cooked him a meal.

MN Quite right too, he should have come straight in and cooked you duck a l'orange and three veg. Then he should have cleared up and brought you a cup of coffee.

IRL You're pretty lazy if you can't even cook the poor bugger a meal when he works his arse off.

I have not yet given / received / witnessed skin based compliments in my life and yet in S&B it seems to happen frequently.

I definitely have both given and received many skin based compliments! I've had quite a few comments about how lovely and clear my skin is for my age too and said the same to others.

Just thought of a classic MN thread from a year ago -
David Kelly the correspondent in Korea who's kids interrupted his live broadcast ...
Real life:- isn't this hilarious ? Lol! Hashtag working from home etc etc
Mumsnet:- did you see how cold and physical he was with the toddler - he's definitely an abusive narcissistic monster

I remember that. First loads of people assumed that, because she wasn't white, she was the nanny, then they assumed she was in an abusive relationship on account of her looking mortified about her child showing her up.

Me too. And how she was certainly going to be sacked for it.

I missed that one. That's brilliant.

MN: A minimum wage job has exactly the same level of stress and responsiblity as senior management. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a disgusting elitist.

RL: That management job might be well paid but it takes over your whole life. I’m so glad I can go home at 5pm and switch off.

Was I being unreasonable to pop into the unused disabled with my newly toilet trained 2 y/o telling me she was busting for a poo as there was a huge queue outside the ladies...

MN: Yes! How unbelievably entitled!

IRL: Not ideal, but understandable in the circumstances.

Saw Mum about at her kids outside school the other day whilst running late.

MN: You should have called out the abusive behaviour on the spot and had it out with the woman there and then, spoken to the school and contacted Social Services.

IRL: Yes, mornings are stressful... I sometimes shout at the children too.

Nobody is able to suggest that it's possible to cook healthy simple homemade meals for your family. Any suggestion that it might actually be cheaper to cook basic but wholesome stuff from scratch than to live on takeaway gets a chorus of:

"Don't you realise some people live in food deserts"
"and what about the energy it takes to run the cooker!?"
"People don't always have freezer space you know"
"Not everyone has the skills you know for beans on toast"
"How ignorant are you not to know some people can't grip to open cans?"

Etc etc. Nobody can suggest a way to cook more cheaply than takeaways without being shot down by a million reasons/excuses why they're being totally unrealistic to even imply it can be done.

Oh: and only on MN is it seen as middle class to feed your kids the odd bit of veg!

Woman complains her partner seems disinterested in sex and rejects advances...

MN: Poor you. LTB and find someone who’ll shag you more.

Man complains her partner seems disinterested in sex and rejects advances...

MN: Stop being an abusive wanker...
Sex is not a right! Your DP should leave you for pestering her for sex.

Man complains “his” partner... that wasn’t meant to be a trans reference!

DP complains DP went into lap dancing club on stag do but assured her he sat at the bar with no private dances

MN: Crossing the threshold of a lap dancing club is a red line. I’d sue for divorce with no second chances, and break up the family.

IRL: Isn’t that what men do on stag dos?

OP not DP! I really should preview before I post!

As a follow on, people cannot express even a slight bit of concern about how much packaging is going into really basic foods such as a ready peeled orange or ready chopped onion/dismay at shops charging several quid for one slice of cauliflower without being shot down in a storm of accusations of disablism.

Op: My DH’s behaving like an idiot for forgetting my birthday!

MN: You shouldn’t say that... it’s disablist!

IRL: Yes, he was an idiot!

The other thing that happens on S&B is how cutting out entire food groups solves all skin ills. Spots? Just cut out dairy (mine are hormonal, I don't eat dairy at all because I am lactose intolerant), go vegan, drink litres of water.

Cutting out dairy does help with acne though.

I don't get the disabled loos thing. I always use them if they're free. If a disabled person comes up - they'll have to wait what, 1.5 minutes? Surely a disabled person waiting 2 mins is better than someone else waiting 20 mins leaking period everywhere/a kid shitting themself?