Angry downstairs neighour

[maybebaby88]

So a few years ago I moved into my parters flat which he owns. The guy downstairs seemed nice enough, a guy in his fifties. However, occasionally he would shout through the ceiling to shut up if we were making noise whatever time of day it was. I mostly just ignored it.

A couple of years ago we rescued a dog. We already had one, but the new one has been severely abused and tends to go a bit crazy at certain sounds. This happens a few times a day and she will run up and down the hall for a bit crying. This is when the neighbour started gettinf reallh aggressive, basically shouting 'shut the f* up' all the time. My problem is that he does this in the middle of the day. I have become so stressed out and on edge, I keep them quiet until a reasonable time (10am-ish) and even started but he still yells at the slightest thing. Its awful because its got to the point where I end up snapping at the dogs for playing.

To add to that we have just had a baby, and I'm constantly worried that his crying will invoke the same response. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. He shouted the orher day because one of the dogs was trotting around excited to be going on a walk, but it was 11:30!

We dont have a carpet in the hall, just floorboards at the mo as we have really struggled financially, which I know makes it louder, but he shouts regardless of which room it is.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post. But are we in the wrong? If the dogs were constantly barking and running I would understand, but its a few times a day for a few minutes.

NICKNACKY my comment to you was based on the 'she is more loud than him 'comment

Carpet isnt £600 though. You can get it much much cheaper.

Ridiculous response, OP, sorry.

People have been unnecessarily aggressive on here, though, @ShatnersWig she is right there. The keyboard warriors have been out in force on here today. I think the OP's post was a bit of an overreaction, certainly, but she's probably sleep deprived and we should cut her some slack.

OP and Lizzie - I tried to make some constructive comments yesterday based on my 20+years experience as an EHO dealing with noise complaints. the issue about noise is that it induces stress. its a recognised condition. it makes people on edge, waiting for the noise to happen. it stops then relaxing at home and any little sound they are sensitive to thinking that the noise is going all start off again that day/evening.

Lizzie - the world is not full of people who can talk things through and come to a resolution. far from it. yes, its always the best step but this has gone way, way beyond this now. in fact, I would be advising the OP NOT to talk face to face with her neighbour because of the risks and would instead suggest mediation as a way forward to try and get their relationship back onto an even keel.

FWIW with the additional information from the OP I think that the property very probably does not have adequate insulation between the two units. you can do one of two things when this is the case. work together as a team to minimise noise or carry out often expensive structural works to reduce airborne and impact sound.

a private noise consultant (member of the institute of acoustics preferably) will carry out the two tests for you for a fee and give you information on the works needed. or you can approach your local authority to do it.

the costs of the work are then borne equally between the two properties.

as for the OP's rant, well its all about priorities I guess and perhaps now being in the home more because of the baby she herself is more aware of the issue than previously. Mediation only works if both sides see that they bear some of the responsibility.

3-4 times a day is a lot for a dog to go berserk running up and down the hallways.

I, like the majority of people on here, think you are utterly unreasonable and full of excuses. You say it’s only recently things have deteriorated with MD, had it occurred to you that the noise of a crying baby being added to the already high level of noise has just pushed him over the edge? Carpet doesn’t need to be £600. Either get the cheapest carpet you can or put down several thick rugs.

No, it hasn't deteriorated because of the neighbour, @Wellfuckmeinbothears the OP concerned that it will deteriorate even further now because of the baby. She is aware of that being a possibility, which is why she posted for advice on here.

Some of the neighbour's shouts are nothing short of a disgrace by the sounds of it. It's not just the dogs, he shouts 'bitch' if she drops the remote control.

I think there has been fault on both sides here, and they could do with some mediation maybe? How about Jeremy Kyle??

Sorry, I meant that it hasn't deteriorated because of the baby.

"laminated floors are hardly better!" Definitely!

Again- you say a few times a day I strongly suspect it's more and for longer than you're claiming. Because it doesn't bother you you're less aware of it AND you're defending yourself against the objections of your neighbour AND the majority of us here saying yabu.

I can assure you it doesn't NEED to be constant to be very annoying.

And I'm REALLY not believing "most of the time we're silent" in a flat with 2 adults, 2 dogs and a baby!

As a pp I wonder if the noise he's making (if true, I'm sceptical you wouldn't have mentioned this much earlier if it were)

Op didn’t think to mention it until she felt she had to justify her noise

is an act of retaliation. Not ok but understandable.

As I said before I also wonder if he'd complained to your partner, possibly on more than one occasion, before you moved in - or even just when you've not been home - and your partner hasn't told you.

I suspect polite complaints would have had zero effect as I've said I'm sceptical he hasn't already complained. In addition to op not knowing she may simply be withholding this info from the thread. I rarely assume an op is telling the whole truth.

so let’s move away from the ‘dog ate my homework’ excuses about why you couldn’t change your flooring before now, because that’s utter nonsense SO agree

A BIT of noise yes, the racket you MUST be making NO!

Lizzie48 entirely possible he works from home, works shifts etc besides why SHOULDN'T he get peace in his OWN HOME during the day?

There certainly isn't any call for the neighbour to pay out for op to address this. Myself and others have pointed out cheap and even FREE ways of resolving this. Op just doesn't WANT to.

No way £600 needed. Cost me less than £900 to fully carpet/floor with underlay my flat and it's a large 2 bed tenement. PLUS see above paragraph.

And in SEVERAL YEARS of this op has NOT always been a "vulnerable new mum". This should and could have been addressed by op and her partner YEARS ago.

"I'm a new mum, and already full of anxiety." You haven't been for the last few years and neither has your partner.

At this point it's unnecessary for the neighbour to approach OP'S household. The op KNOWS he is fed up with the racket they're making and if she has ANY consideration for him at all, her household needs to fix it!

Even if only from a pragmatic perspective because if this guy does (finally) go down official routes when op and her partner want to sell it will be declarable I believe? Plus if they STILL haven't sorted the flooring that will be an additional expense and inconvenience for new owners to sort. I certainly wouldn't buy somewhere with floorboards only in any part of the property - it would also suggest to me the property hasn't been properly maintained.

Please please please get carpet down and replace the laminate! It should be banned in upstairs flats! yes said that myself. Wholeheartedly agree.

On the contrary, I've found that asking nicely tends to get a better response. She might not have ignored him for so long otherwise not always. I politely and calmly went to speak to my neighbours it was the first time I had complained after already having a few months of their noise and I got screamed at! I'd barely said a sentence! I've had them several times now without doing ANYTHING to them myself, no retaliation noise nothing, had them hammering on my door being abusive - police are now involved due to the harassment I'm getting. I'm frightened to go out in my own close and I am FAR from being in the wrong.

"People should actually talk properly" people should BEHAVE properly. If op's household wasn't causing bother in the first place the neighbour wouldn't even need to "talk properly" to them about it.

Mummymeister did you get my pm?

Animal welfare wise 2 hours a day is not enough.

No she hasn't always been a vulnerable new mum obviously, but she is now and I think the nastiest on this thread has been awful. Yes she and her DP should have done something sooner, but she was looking for advice on how to deal with it.

It sounds like some of the things he's been saying are really abusive, how can they possibly be justified?

I just think some posters need to rein themselves in.

Animal welfare wise 2 hours a day is not enough.

Ermmm, that's absolutely fine for small breed dogs. You are in for a shock if you think the majority of dogs get more than that.

but she was looking for advice on how to deal with it.

Not sure I agree with that assessment Lizzie. There was no asking for advice in the OP. She told us her story and then asked But are we in the wrong? to which most people felt they were. There was no request for advice to begin with whatsoever.

She's accepted that she needs to get carpets, and was making plans to get onto that. So she was listening. But the venom on here was ridiculous when the neighbour was clearly just as bad, and abusive. And yes, she hasn't always been a vulnerable mum, but she is at the moment, so posters were well out of order. But that's MN for you.

OP, sorry that this has upset you. It does sound like your neighbour is not great at handling things but equally you have to see that maybe he really is at the end of his tether?

You set out a scenario and asked if you were in the wrong. A lot of people said ‘yes’. You then came back and, to my mind, didn’t acknowledge any wrongdoing and made excuses about failing to work on noise reduction sooner. Having suffered from noisy neighbours before, that attitude annoyed me.

It must be very stressful for both your household and for him. You won’t ever get total soundproofing, but you can minimise it and you could have done so much sooner. You simply didn’t prioritise it, and that deserves an apology to your neighbour as a starting point.

Good luck and congratulations on your baby

Tbh I think anyone would be abusive if they had be tortured in my own home for God knows how long.

The op has been selfish, she is in the wrong and hopefully this dressing down from us all will help her become a better neighbour.

*Tbh I think anyone would be abusive if they had be tortured in my own home for God knows how long.

The op has been selfish, she is in the wrong and hopefully this dressing down from us all will help her become a better neighbour.*

Talk about self-righteous!! No, you've just upset her, full stop.

And there is never any excuse for shouting obscenities and frightening your neighbours. Shouting 'bitch' for dropping the remote control?? It sounds like they couldn't make any noise whatsoever.

Why are you assuming that he's totally the victim??

It's easy for me to say, as I live in a detached house and have no problems with noisy neighbours, but IMO shouting obscenities is never justified. It's not as if the dogs are barking incessantly during the day, that would be torture. And the OP says she does try to keep them quiet. Why assume that it's noisier than she thinks and it's not simply that the DM is just abusive and intimidating them?

Clearly I don't know, and neither do any of you. The OP won't be coming back, I think, so I'm personally going to hide this thread now. It seems like some of you have actually enjoyed reducing the OP to tears and that isn't at all pleasant, however unreasonable she might or might not be.

Op; am I being unreasonable?

Majority of mumsnet; yes, you are being unreasonable.

Op; no I’m not and here’s loads of reasons I didn’t mention in my initial post to show I’m not being unreasonable.

Majority of mumsnet; ok...all that considered...YES you are being unreasonable.

Op; no I’m not! You’re all so horrid and vipers and made me cry.

Honestly...why do people post asking “AIBU” if they refuse to accept the vast majority of opinions?

Op, the majority have said you’re unreasonable. You don’t want to see that. Your latest response shows that you don’t agree that you’re unreasonable. Not really sure what you want.

My upstairs neighbour (also my landlord) has 3 big dogs and the noise in horrendous. I can't complain though as I have a noisy toddler.

Tbh I think anyone would be abusive if they had be tortured in my own home for God knows how long.
The op has been selfish, she is in the wrong and hopefully this dressing down from us all will help her become a better neighbour.

so the OP just posted that she's been really upset by some of the unnecessarily rude and bitchy comments on this thread and has been nearly crying and you post that a " dressing down from us will help her " that's disgusting and you sound like a really horrible person. Read the OPs update, she couldn't even drop a TV remote on the floor without the neighbour calling her a bitch.

My upstairs neighbours are horrendously noisy and it drives me absolutely insane and prevents me from sleeping, I don't swear at them and give them abuse, I knock on the door and ask them to stop.

I agree with you, @SpiceRack I can't believe the number of posters defending a man's abusive behaviour towards a young mum, who has said she's afraid of him. It's shocking.

The man is not being kept awake at night, the dogs aren't even barking all day (that is annoying). I think a lot of people are projecting here.

Yes, Lizzie, including, as you admitted on the previous page, yourself!

I know, but I wasn't abusive to anyone, that's the difference. The OP was very upset, probably sleep deprived, so that was the time to leave her alone not kick her when she was down.