Angry downstairs neighour

[maybebaby88]

So a few years ago I moved into my parters flat which he owns. The guy downstairs seemed nice enough, a guy in his fifties. However, occasionally he would shout through the ceiling to shut up if we were making noise whatever time of day it was. I mostly just ignored it.

A couple of years ago we rescued a dog. We already had one, but the new one has been severely abused and tends to go a bit crazy at certain sounds. This happens a few times a day and she will run up and down the hall for a bit crying. This is when the neighbour started gettinf reallh aggressive, basically shouting 'shut the f* up' all the time. My problem is that he does this in the middle of the day. I have become so stressed out and on edge, I keep them quiet until a reasonable time (10am-ish) and even started but he still yells at the slightest thing. Its awful because its got to the point where I end up snapping at the dogs for playing.

To add to that we have just had a baby, and I'm constantly worried that his crying will invoke the same response. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. He shouted the orher day because one of the dogs was trotting around excited to be going on a walk, but it was 11:30!

We dont have a carpet in the hall, just floorboards at the mo as we have really struggled financially, which I know makes it louder, but he shouts regardless of which room it is.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post. But are we in the wrong? If the dogs were constantly barking and running I would understand, but its a few times a day for a few minutes.

And if I was in the neighbour's position I would have offered to pay for a new carpet, or contribute to it. Anything to make my own life easier.

Tbh, I agree that this sounds like a sound insulation problem, they could share the cost of dealing with that problem.

They need to talk!! The partner could do that.

Lizzie But if she does feel like that I'm afraid it is at least partly of her own making!

Lizzie Seriously? Upstairs neighbour causes noise nuisance but downstairs neighbour should pay to try and minimise it?

No, I'm not saying he should. But he's noisy too, by the sound of it. Loud TV at 2AM??? Come on.

I'm saying what I would do to help my own situation if it was me.

It may just been these are really badly insulated or built flats. The TV may not actually be loud at all, though. The OP says it's loud. The OP's neighbour clearly thinks her dog is loud. They might both be right or both be wrong. There's a certain amount of noise inevitable when living in a flat, but you should try and do what you can to minimise that and behave considerately and responsibly. I'm not sure the OP has done.

Having 2 dogs in an upstairs flat is very unreasonable, it doesn't matter how big it is or wether it has a garden its still a lot of noise for your poor neighbour. I feel like if you want dogs you don't live in an upstairs flat and carpet isn't going to solve the problem only lessen it.

I think that's true. The OP says he's woken her up with the TV at 2am. I can well believe he has it on top loud, if he has a loud voice generally he's probably not aware of it. My DH's DGF used to have the TV on too loud and his neighbours complained. (He was deaf.)

As I said, they need to talk properly like grown ups.

lizzie it’s complete irrelevant why he is in the house during the day. I will be in most days until Monday even though I, you know, work. And even if he doesn’t work for whatever reason doesn’t excuse the noise below.

And in what world should the neighbour buy the op a carpet?! She is aware of the issue and she has to do everything she can to resolve that.

@Lizzie48 you said "And no, sane people do not need to shout obscenities."

But the problem is, living below such noise can set you on edge. When I was subjected to it from an elderly neighbour, I never knew if every sound I heard (day or night) was it, or if it was about to be the start of two hours hell which was also normal. I couldn't relax. They didn't want to know about carpet so I started doing irrational things because I was at my wits end and sleep deprived. When they were noisy I would push their buzzer until they stopped or came down. Other times I was on my knees in the shared hallway begging them to do something. One day when they were again saying they didn't see what the issue was and nothing they would do, I collapsed in the hall through exhaustion. I was young, fit, otherwise healthy with no history of MH issues and it broke me. Fortunately I'm fine since I've moved, but in these types of flats people have got to be considerate on both sides.

Maybe so. But it really does sound as if he's as noisy as she is. And as they got on ok at first, why didn't he either talk to her initially or write her a note? Why go straight to abuse? He sounds like he's handled it very badly, and has only succeeded in creating an environment where there's no cooperation between them.

He is no where near as noisy as her.

That I do accept, @MaggieFS but in this case, he's not exactly quiet himself. And unlike you he hasn't tried talking to his neighbours about possible solutions, he's gone straight to shouting.

I think he should realise that his behaviour is intimidating and not likely to make them ready to sympathise with them.

I think the rescue dog should be rehomed though.

How do you know he's not as noisy as she is, are you the neighbour?? Waking her up at 2am with the TV on loud??

Of course I’m not the neighbour, that’s a stupid thing to say. I think you can appreciate there is a world of difference between a tv on at 2am, talking on the phone and that of a dog going nuts 3/4 times a day and both dogs running around on floor boards. Op didn’t think to mention it until she felt she had to justify her noise.

Poor guy must be on his last nerve.

Lizzie Unless you have been in both flats to hear each other, you don't know either. You're taking OP's word at face value without necessarily appreciating it from the other side. It was completely irresponsible to get a second dog when they live in a flat. I agree, the neighbour SHOULD have spoken to them about the noise rather than do it in the way he did but the OP is completely irresponsible, knowing that the dog is creating noise nuisance to have done NOTHING about it for A COUPLE OF YEARS!!! Pleading poverty is a ridiculous attempt to deflect criticism because if they could afford to get a second dog and afford a baby in this time, then do not tell me that they couldn't afford some carpeting in those couple of years. The downstairs bloke may be going about it the wrong way and may well be retaliating in some way with the TV but he's probably been driven mad by the complete failure of the OP to behave sensibly.

I think the unfortunate thing about the shouting of obscenities is that it’s had the desired effect because the OP is at least considering minimising the noise. I suspect polite complaints would have had zero effect if it’s been two years and the OP has rejoined a nervous dog in that time. They could have got an offcut or some carpet tiles or even gated the hall off in that time. Unfortunately if you’re going to be inconsiderate sometimes you are going to run into people who are prepared to be just as big arseholes back.

It wasn't a stupid thing to say, @Nicknacky you were so flipping definite that he wasn't as noisy as she was! I always think of noise at night time, when people are trying to sleep, as being much more anti-social.

It seems you all think it's ok for a man to intimidate a young mum so she feels that she's a prisoner in her own home?? Since when is that ok?

Why didn't he talk to her before yelled obscenities?

On the contrary, I've found that asking nicely tends to get a better response. She might not have ignored him for so long otherwise.

She lives with her partner so he is shouting at both of them, this has clearly been going on long before they had a baby so let’s stop with the “oooh poor young mum being bullied” angle.

Having a baby doesn’t give you a few pass for causing misery to neighbours.

Of course not, but you seem to think he has a free pass to intimidate her. It's just not ok.

People should actually talk properly, not just hurl abuse.

I have agreed that she's been unreasonable, I'm criticising the way he's responded to it. They got on all right initially, he could have approached them about it and had a grown up conversation about it.

I guess I am projecting a bit here. I have PTSD as a result of childhood trauma, it would really freak me out to have someone yell obscenities at me like that.

So she or her partner need to go speak to him.

OP here. Yes, I'm going by a different user name. You see, I was so frickin upset by the vile remarks from some of you that I deleted my account. But then I thought, you know what? A bunch of strangers on the internet should not have that power to upset me. So I'm gonna comment one last time and then not even gonna bother looking back here.

Firstly, NICKNACKY lol, how the hell do you know that? Are you my downstairs neighbour?

Second, to all the people who were not nasty, thank you. Unfortunatly I have skipped through most of this thread so that I dont end up bursting into tears. The suggestions about runners and foam flooring were brilliant, and I am off out in a mo to buy the foam jigsaws. Why I didnt think of it before I dont know.

Also thank you for realising that I am frightened, as I did say in my OP. I'm scared to go out incase I meet him im the hall. I'm scared that my baby will cry and will get shouted at. I'm scared of having the tv loud or walking around my own home. I'm a new mum, and already full of anxiety. I'm not saying this for sympathy. Firstly, because clearly the vultures on here wouldn't provide that anyway! And also, I don't really care about what you think of me.

Although I don't owe anyone any more explanatikn, I'm enjoying my rant and I will say what I need to. We didn't buy the rescue dog, or even choose to get her. She was dumped on us by her abuser who was threatenjng to put her down if we didnt as tbey wouldnt wait for the dog rescue centre to have a space. We waited for that space, but fell in love with her. Was it the most sensible thing to do? Of course not. But I'm sure y'all aren't perfect, however much you pretend you are. Both dogs are small, and make next to no noise when walking normally up and down the hall, whether you believe me or not. And to those saying rehome them, nah not gonna happen. As I've said, they are extremely well looked after.

The carpet: for reasons I'm not gonna bother to go into we had one until about 2 years ago. He moaned even then. Due to a series of unfortunate events (or what you vipers will prob call 'excuses') any time we have saved the moneh for a new one something has happened where we have had to spend it. The boiler being the most recent. To all you 'you havr money for dogs and a kid blah blah' people, yes we do. However, we do not have £600 spare to just spend on a carpet right now. Especially as I am now on maternity pay. Besides, it's not just the hall. As I've said, he shouts whatever room we are in. The laminate rooms have amazing underlay so not so much there, but the carpet rooms: he still shouts. And even though no-one seems to believe me, we reallh are very quiet. If i drop a remote, however, I get called a bitch through the ceiling. Is that really normal to you people?

One more point I would like to make, Mr Downstairs (MD) and I used to get on well. I would apologise for the noise, he would apologise for shouting. He would even say it wasn't that bad and that he was sorry for swearing. The carpet was almost an ongoing joke. It is only recently that it has gotten so serious and we have stopped speaking.

All I wanted when I came on here was a bit of constructive advice, maybe a polite conversation about whether I was in the wrong or not. I mean, I asked the question, I was prepared to hear that I was wrong. But the vile, hateful, nasty comments attacking everything from my dogs to my character and even apparantly my baby (although I've not seem that thankfully) was way more than I expected. Do you enjoy trying to upset someone? Do you get off on being as nasty as possible? I'm a good person. I try my best to be considerate to everyone. But you guys are f**kjng crazy tbh. So much hate for someone you don't know based on 2 paragraphs of information.

Again, thanks to the helpful, non-idiot people. Hopefully this foam will work until we have saved enough for the carpet.

I don’t think he has a free pass or that it’s pleasant. BUT sometimes it does achieve the end the person is after. The OP has been aware of the noise issues for two years at least but rather than minimising noise they’ve increased it. I suspect asking nicely would have achieved very little.

So yes, it’s not nice. But it is effective.