to allow my son not to invite a mean boy to his party?

[Busyworkingmumof4]

My oldest is turning 9 and normally we have only ever had family birthday parties. This year we have allowed him to have a friends birthday party for the first time.

I asked him who he wanted to invite and he listed eight names, which are all the boys from his class except one. When I asked why he did not want to invite that one boy, he said that he is mean to him all the time and gave me some examples. Given this boy's behaviour, I didn't see any reason to encourage my son to invite him.

This morning, after my son handed out the party invitations yesterday afternoon, I received an email from the class teacher telling me that to have one boy excluded from the party is "not fair" and has "created tension" and "goes against the school motto".

Should 9 year olds be expected to invite kids who are mean to them to their own parties, just to not 'create tension' in the classroom?

so I offered my opinion on this in a polite and non judgemental way, what is the problem with this?

Because it doesn't take much time to read the OP's posts which do tend to give the full story.

There often isn't time to read all of a thread because they're full of irrelevant posts that don't answer the OP because people haven't read the OP's posts

Do you see?

has the boy got ASN

You're kidding, right?

OP I think your son was right. If they boy is mean to him why should he invite him? It's a friends party and they're not friends.

If the left out boy is upset, then maybe she should try being nice to his classmates.

Read the thread, @PEARSON93 it's moved on. The other boy was not being mean to him!!

When my son was 8 I arranged a party where he could invite up to 15/18 people and so not the whole class of 24. We sat and wrote a list of everyone in the class and then I went down the list and asked "would you like to invite...." about each one. There were some children that he decided to not invite that I was a little surprised about as they weren't necessarily unkind or not nice, but DS just said he didn't play with them or just didn't want to invite them. Other children that I thought he'd not invite like the boy he has clashed with since reception, he wanted to invite! We put a list together, invites we're sent out and he had a brilliant party.

There comes a point where you have to trust your instincts and mine was to let DS choose for himself who to invite and have some control over his special day. I'm glad that your situation worked out for you and that the boys are going forward as friends!

Well knock me down with a feather. Two reasonable adults talk sensibly and come to a mutually agreeable conclusion. An AIBU first?

Well done OP and it sounds like these boys are decent sorts too.

Hope your DS has a lovely party