To think my kids should eat the same as me and dh?

[Iwillsurvive1]

So we have friends staying with us who find it absurd (their word) that I expect my dd1 (8) dd2 (5) and ds1 (2) to eat the same meals as me and dh and don’t cook separately for them? I work full time and get home at 4:30 so I cook 1 meal like spaghetti bolognaise, shepherds pie, lasagne etc that we all eat together at 6 ish when dh gets home. My ‘friend’ thinks this is too late for the kids to eat (they go to bed between 8-8:30) and that I should make them something quick and easy so they can eat at 5 before me and dh, she also thinks I should let them choose what they want to eat even if they all want different things but I think this would just make them fussy eaters which I never have a problem with at the moment, obviously if I know they don’t like something I won’t make them eat It like if me and dh have fish or curry they will have something like fish fingers or chicken nuggets something that me and dh wouldn’t want but why would I cook them something different every night? So AIBU?

It's only recently that I've started cooking once so we all eat together and it is so much better. When the kids were small dh never got home in time for them to have tea with him so they'd eat at 4:30-5 and then we'd eat after seven when they had gone to bed. Mostly we had different things too. Now they are older, and dh works nearer home, we eat at 5:50 when he gets in. So much better for me and I love us all eating together and having a chat and a laugh. My kids are 12-16 years old.

Tell your friends to butt out its none of their business, if your children are eating what you have, excellent.

YANBU. You’re a good Mum!

Another one here with picky eating DC despite ‘doing all the right things ‘.
I’ve always been omnivorous to the point of making a compost bin look fussy. Kept it up in pregnancy, in fact deliberately sought out new things as I’d read tastes picked up in utero are even more significant than through breastfeeding.
And, it seemed to pay off. DD ate everything we ate enthusiastically (to the point that one slightly histrionic acquaintance went on about her being on “the path to obesity “—DD was 8mo and still mostly BF at that point ). Yes, I’ll admit I was a bit smug.
But after about 1yo, her tastes in food narrowed gradually, so that by 18mo the only thing DD would reliably eat was fruit (+ a range of some other things she liked occasionally and unpredictably). HVs didn’t see a problem, but I was worried enough by her increasing pallor to get DP to take her to the GP as I suspected anaemia. Which she indeed had: cue large doses of medical-issue iron. (Interestingly, she seemed to get more interesr in food after she’d been on the supplement for a few days.)

She’s better than she was, but DP and I are still a bit mystified by the pickiness given the lack of it in either her genes or upbringing—just hoping she’l grow out of it soon.

None or your friend business! You are bringing your children up properly anyway. Sounds to me a touch of sour grapes as she has got stuck in a way she can't change. Hospitality and eating together is perfect for family time, bonding and eating together. It's always been advocated and has never changed

Take it from someone who has two of the fussiest eaters that require me to cook separate meals for them, YADNBU!!
I wish everyday that my children would eat what DH and I eat.

@Diegomadonna

hahaha. I have enjoyed re-discovering smiley faces and chicken dippers

We've always eaten all together.

Once when we were visiting friends and ds1 (then 3) was given beans on toast separately beforehand, he thought he was getting a snack and said he'd rather wait for dinner!

Your not being unreasonable. Don't doubt yourself and don't listen to them. You are the mum and you make the rules when dinner time is and what is being cooked. I would just make one meal at the time that suits you and tell them if they don't eat it there isn't anything else - and MEAN it :D good luck

That is the problem with this country. Kids being fed "quick and easy" processed tasteless food because no-one can be expected to cook twice every night after a full day's work and the "proper" meal is reserved to the adults. The Victorian attitude still alive!
No wonder kids grow up to be fussy eaters and will eat nothing but chips and peas. They have never known anything else!

You are doing just fine. Your friend is wrong and archaic in her approach to education. Kids need discovering with their eyes, ears, sense of smell and taste. Whatever they are not exposed to as children they will grow to be weary of and possibly dislike for the rest of their lives. The meal time is also a social time when parents can exchange facts, moments, feelings with their children. These meals must not be sterile, solitary moments of calorie intake necessary for survival.

We eat together at lunchtimes at the weekend, but week days I give the dcs their dinner at 5.30pm and we eat at 8pm. I'm not hungry any earlier, and they get cranky and start whinging for biscuits if I feed them any later. Works for me.

Each to their own.

She just wants to justify her parenting at your cost. The only thing that should be happening is her minding her own business.

My son has gone to bed hungry tonight. We had stew and dumplings (which he likes) but he refused to eat it because he wanted pizza. He was presented with stew and dumplings, he didn't eat it barring a fork full and so that's that. I'm not a chef or a maid and he will get what he's given! Simple as that!

as a working mum with 3 adult children and a 7 yr old, i hear you..Your friend needs to mind her own business, if it works for your family and that is all that matters..I work three days a week and most of the time dinner is whatever i can whip together while my eyes are still open at the end of the day. Some days i amaze myself that i am organised and the meal is planned for the next day, but that is a rare occasion. i refuse to cook seperate meals anymore, i used to when my eldest were picky eaters, but i am not letting my 7 yr old get away with it.

Your family your rules! Why do friends think they have a right to an opinion. X

When my lot were little if I was cooking a meal we would all eat together as a family. If I was cooking something that wasn't suitable for the little ones then I'd make them kiddie food like fish fingers and smiley faces and we'd eat after them. But more often than not I cooked a roast dinner most days, I still do now.

I think you already know that your way is ok, and you know most of mumsnet will agree. But if an unnecessary AIBU to be honest 😬

I think it's crazy that people feed their kids processed rubbish and then proceed to cook themselves a well balanced meal! My dd is a bit fussy but actually she leans towards a healthier diet. Not that she doesn't love chips but not too fond of pasties, pies, fish fingers. She'd much rather have grilled trout, rice and broccoli!

We eat the same food. Kids quite often eat 5.30/6pm on a week day with one parent as waiting for both would mean 8/8.30pm meal time and the late-home parent re-heats the food or has something else. Meals cooked from scratch-ish. Making them separate meals/ different good = rod for back! Our kids aren’t picky eaters as a result I think but if they aren’t hungry we don’t force them to finish the meal but there’s no snacking. On weekends or during school hols we eat all meals together usually. Sounds like you’re creating good healthy habits.

We all ate the same and all ate together when DC were younger. Now its not so easy. Shift pattens and social lives get in the way. We still eat together and eat the same when everyone is in. The older ones are all now older enough (23, 17, 15) to cook for themselves when they get in. I eat with DS4 (7yo) and we eat the same.

polly feeding them earlier doesn't have to mean it is processed rubbish. They eat better than I do, just not at the same time.

I'm a picky eater which is largely down to having to eat whatever my mum cooked whether I liked it or not. It gave me a bit of a fear of food as a child. I am determined not to pass this on to my dcs so they are allowed not to like food. They are allowed to leave it, provided they have had one taste. They are allowed to have something else if they really don't want what I have planned. They don't abuse this, and both eat very well.

Well I'm obviously doing this parenting thing all wrong. We don't eat with our children. I sometimes cook them different food to us.
Dp gets in at 7 and it's just too late for the kids. Sometimes they ask for Spag bol or want to make a pizza and tbh I don't really see any reason why not. Sometimes it is quick and easy but that doesn't necessarily mean it's shit. My friend has become pretty obsessed with her dc eating with them and their dc have become over weight because theyeat three meals plus snacks at their cm and then a full meal with them in the evening. I'm sure it will change when my dc get older but even then I'll let them decide what they want to eat sometimes. Sometimes I just really fancy something and I think it's fair enough for them to too.

Your friend shouldn't be interfering though op.

Your friend is barking mad!

I'm the problem in my house. My DD (3) has the same as my husband if he is about or if I have chicken nuggets or Turkey dinosaurs she has the same as me, always with either peas or other veg, sometimes if my DH is at work I will cook her something and I will have different to her but later on. My DS is too young at the moment as he is only 5 1/2 months and just starting weaning.

Sorry just to ask does your friend??? Have kids as well?
Only my 3, have after school stuff like brownies, rainbow club, swimming, cookery club etc... and that's just the 2 girls, if your kids are like kids like mine, 5 o'clock dinner doesn't happen, then to ask them all what they would like, I would love to ask my sou chef 😆😆 even after the best effort to provide a meal, most truthful parents will tell you they don't hardly touch a quarter of it, then go through the whole next hour or 2 saying you didn't eat your dinner..... No pudding, then finally give in and let them eat pudding, because now that's the bribe...right you can have this then you must go to bed🤗