To think my kids should eat the same as me and dh?

[Iwillsurvive1]

So we have friends staying with us who find it absurd (their word) that I expect my dd1 (8) dd2 (5) and ds1 (2) to eat the same meals as me and dh and don’t cook separately for them? I work full time and get home at 4:30 so I cook 1 meal like spaghetti bolognaise, shepherds pie, lasagne etc that we all eat together at 6 ish when dh gets home. My ‘friend’ thinks this is too late for the kids to eat (they go to bed between 8-8:30) and that I should make them something quick and easy so they can eat at 5 before me and dh, she also thinks I should let them choose what they want to eat even if they all want different things but I think this would just make them fussy eaters which I never have a problem with at the moment, obviously if I know they don’t like something I won’t make them eat It like if me and dh have fish or curry they will have something like fish fingers or chicken nuggets something that me and dh wouldn’t want but why would I cook them something different every night? So AIBU?

your 'friend' should butt out tbh.
I never could understand this 'kids tea at 5' and adult food later.
How are they supposed to learn manners and social skills?
Plus sitting down to eat together and talk is important.

Who cares? There's no right way. If everyone in your house is well fed and happy with the way you do things, that's great. I can't stand people who can't get their heads round the fact that different ways of doing things suit different families and that the way they think is best might not work for everyone.

I never could understand this 'kids tea at 5' and adult food later.

We always have the kids tea at 5pm, because if we waited till everyone was home it would be nearly 7pm before we sat down to tea, which I think is far too late for our children to be eating their tea. Usually one of us will eat tea with them, but quite often they have their tea at 5pm, then DW and I will eat our tea later on.

Most of the time we will all eat the same thing (and at weekends we all eat together and all eat the same thing), but sometimes we don't, for whatever reason.

When I was a kid I ate what the adults ate or I had nothing at all. I think it’s good that you are giving your children a variety of foods. Growing up like that taught me to cook. So when I left home I wasn’t surviving on junk. Ignore your friend.

I find it a bit odd that anyone would question what you’re doing. I don’t have older kids yet (so yet to experience demands or fussiness) but my 20 month old has always joined in with family meals. If she’s having something different it’s because we’re having something unhealthy or a takeaway so she will have something proper. At this age she would prefer a salmon fillet or avocado to standard children’s meals but that is what she knows (don’t get me wrong she’d happily wolf down biscuits or cakes so it’s not like she has a super healthy diet all the time). It was important to me to expose her to lots of variety of food and flavours. I take a lot of pleasure from seeing her try new things. She may still end up fussy later on but I can’t see myself doing separate meal times. It seems like far too much work.

It's so great if your dc eat the same as you and with you, creates a really good bond too and less fussy eaters x

YaNbu, they are! Growing up I always had dinner between 6 and 6.30 with my parents and sister and loved the dinner time chat. We always ate what my parents ate with small addaptions (no leeks for sister, no parsnips for me,little natural yogurt added to our curries etc) My grandparents or childminder (different days of the week) would give us a snack after school but we would almost always have dinner as a family around 6pm. I will do this with my own children too unless theres any allergies or medical reasons not to... family dinner time is important imo.

I often cook seperate meals due to different dietary needs but we all eat at the same time, no way I’m cooking twice.

Doesn't this depend on how late the parent(s) work and where?

My DH got back around 1730. I'd be two hours behind. No local family.

However our DCs either ate an early version of what we were having cooked by DH, or something simple like cheese on toast or pasta. And meals together at weekends.

But then neither DC had any allergies and ate what they were given.

Interestingly article by tv presenter who went to France who learnt to feed both her sons on whatever was good from the market ... and pointed out most French restaurants don't do children's plates of completely different food but small plates of what the adults have.

Never cooked separate meals. DD is least fussy of all her friends. We also eat at 6 ish.

obviously if I know they don’t like something I won’t make them eat It like if me and dh have fish or curry they will have something like fish fingers or chicken nuggets

Why can't your children eat fish? Or curry, come to that?

I see that Sainsbury's now have "Adult Cereal" and "Children's Cereal", as though there are certain breakfast cereals children can't eat. FFS.

IMO your friend's opinion is bonkers, but even if it weren't, she should butt out an not be criticising your parenting, unless you were doing something dangerous / neglectful / abusive in some way.

Is it normal now to eat different things then? My DCs are 22 and 15 now and we have always eaten the same meals (except when they were babies obviously).

I have noticed that increasingly restaurants offer "children's food", as if they're not capable of eating anything other than chicken nuggets and chips.

I see this thread is starting to veer off into children who don't like children's food and faux amazement that some kids like chicken nuggets. It always happens.
FWIW, all three of my children have always eaten with us and I have two good eaters and one unbelievably fussy teen, so sorry, eating en famille is not an insurance policy against faddy eaters!

I have noticed that increasingly restaurants offer "children's food", as if they're not capable of eating anything other than chicken nuggets and chips.

That's not entirely a bad thing. It's an easy way to find out restaurants you don't want to go to, with or without your children. Sort of like Van Halen's Brown M&Ms in reverse: look at the menu, see if it has a "nuggets and chips" children's section, go somewhere else.

YANBU otherwise you're teaching them to be fussy eaters and that it's fine for you to cook separate meals according to their whims, life is busy enough!

You know she is being unreasonable.
I find it odd you asked really. It is a bit like the posters who claim that only do craft and outside play with their kids but a "friend" said they should let them play the ps4 instead.

However, if this did happen as you say, be aware that some kids are fussy eaters, despite being brought up like your children. My dc1 was superb with food - would snack on toasted seeds and plain yoghurt, didn't like sweets, loved vegetables and would eat anything. How proud I was. What a twat i was. With DC2 I ended up requesting dietician involvement and they are still a nightmare to the extent they have multivitamins to ensure they are adequately nourished.

I can't say I have any clue what my friends feed their kids, or at what time. Is it normal to talk about that? Am I a bad friend? Oh god.

FWIW, we usually feed ours when we eat, usually exactly the same or with minor amends (like picking out the mushrooms for DS1). Not because they are wonderful eaters, but because we work long hours and have such limited life force in the evening that cooking twice is unthinkable.

If that's your routine and works for your children, great. None of your friend's business.

Absolutely this. Why worry what she thinks? Do what works for you.

I think that if parents are home early enough then it is more efficient, nicer, and creates better habits to all eat together and eat the same meal.

We've done that since my younger child was eating proper food, so from when they were about 1 and 2.5 as I realised that I was getting sick of having multiple meal times and also that the range of meals I was offering the 2.5 year old was shrinking. We used to eat at about 6, now 7. I've never cooked separate meals, apart from I used to do a separate, special Friday night me for me and DH. It's always been like it or lump it here!

Being a fussy eater has nothing to do with any of this. My eldest will eat anything and my youngest developed fussy eating (brought on by copying a fussy eater in nursery) which turned into food phobias which has thankfully turned back into just being fussy... fingers crossed it disappears but this has spanned years.

You just do what you do, and she can do what she does. Neither of those things will cause any long term damage and if she has time then good for her, but most people don’t

You're doing absolutely the right thing! Don't change it!

There is no need at all to give kids "kid food" - it's all frozen junk. The odd junk food is fine, but you're giving them proper cooked meals with the family and anyone saying you're wrong is maybe being a lazy parent.

YANBU
GI’ve your friend this

DH is usually too late home for my DC to want to wait to eat so I usually make the same for all of us but put it into 2 smaller dishes and cook one for them and then reheat ours later - even when they were little they had the same as us.Only exception is Friday which is their pizza night and we can have something more expensive like steak....

Does your "friend" really exist? Its odd this conversation would come up and why would she or you for that matter give a fudge.