To think my kids should eat the same as me and dh?

[Iwillsurvive1]

So we have friends staying with us who find it absurd (their word) that I expect my dd1 (8) dd2 (5) and ds1 (2) to eat the same meals as me and dh and don’t cook separately for them? I work full time and get home at 4:30 so I cook 1 meal like spaghetti bolognaise, shepherds pie, lasagne etc that we all eat together at 6 ish when dh gets home. My ‘friend’ thinks this is too late for the kids to eat (they go to bed between 8-8:30) and that I should make them something quick and easy so they can eat at 5 before me and dh, she also thinks I should let them choose what they want to eat even if they all want different things but I think this would just make them fussy eaters which I never have a problem with at the moment, obviously if I know they don’t like something I won’t make them eat It like if me and dh have fish or curry they will have something like fish fingers or chicken nuggets something that me and dh wouldn’t want but why would I cook them something different every night? So AIBU?

I cook different meals, but only because I folllow a fairly restrictive autoimmune Paleo diet.

But the kids have “normal” meals—a rotation of spaghetti bolognese, tacos, steak teriyaki, baked salmon, various pasta dishes and brown rice stir-fries.

I never get the eating separately thing. Both my stepkids eat the same meal as me and DP. They are 7&9 and have done this for the last couple of years we have lived together. Dinner is normally around 6 to 6:30 but can be around 7 on weekends and holidays.

sorry shes wrong.dont care if I'm argued at but your way is the right way here.and will give those kids more of head start with foods taste and skills from the get go.
I remember mates at school who were like your friend.and I thought it absurd they had to go in from play to eat tea at five!
of course ewhatever works for everyone is ok but starting off fussing bout with different meals just inforces to the kids that's whats right.that they have choices and are banded to and catered fro over everything which they just aren't or cant always be.
and you do give them something different in certain circumstances so don't worry.
they are being taught from the off how to be from us so your way sound the best to me.
ive also got friends with children your age that each much later too so don't worry.do your own thing.you know your children your family and how you fit.sounds like your doing great to me.

Ynbu. This is how we do it most the time, unless I'm working late. The difference forusbisthe 5yo gets an A or B choice. We did thisinitially to help her develop her speech but also found it encouraged her to eat more at the table since she had a hand in choosing. The A and B choices are both ones we would be happy making but it makes her think she has some say.

When I work late, they often get the food and it's reheated later for us or they do get something quick but still an A or B choice or something my DH makes and they just know it's either that or nothing.

Does she have children herself ? Is she trying to justify her way of life . Either way yanbu

Why are you listening to this person?

You do whatever works for you. When my kids were younger I used to feed them together about 5 ish as they were all starving and then we ate about 7 - 7.30. I often cooked the same things though just spiced up for us.
Now they are older we all eat together about 6.30. It's whatever works for you at the time.
I would never tell someone else what to do.

I’ve always done that, it never made sense to me that the kids eat ‘children’s food’ which probably means chips and nuggets while we ate normal food. If the dc are nuggets then that’s what we all were having for dinner.

YANBU

Your 'friend' needs to mind her own business.

It's bad enough having to cook one meal every night; doing two or more is just unnecessary faff.

I cook separately 3/4 times a week - we start the day early so they are starving by 5pm. Snacks don’t work with DS2 as then he wouldn’t eat a proper meal. I don’t want to eat then (neither does DH) so we eat later. Sometimes it’s the same thing, other times different. Or whatever I make for DH and I they have the next day etc.

We eat together at weekends and on a day when we get home late in the week from activities.

She was rude to say that to you but I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to eat at differing times to your DC. It depends on your own families schedules

Although I am British, I spent a large portion of my childhood abroad. “Children’s tea”, at least in my experience, is a very British phenomenon. In every other culture I lived in, you ate what your parents ate at the same time. Maybe not as spicy if there was a sauce but certainly not fish fingers, beans and oven chips.

Why does she care? I couldn't give a stuff what and when my friends choose to feed their children.

Do what works for you!

You are clearly doing the right thing. Stick with it!

YANBU.
I’ve seen parents who make special nuggets and mash for dc while themselves having a roast etc. One of these children is friends with ds and when having dinner at our house picks at anything that isn’t nuggets. Aged 15. She’s creating a rod for her own back and now I know where adults who eat only pizza etc. come from.

Incidentally, I’ve heard that in Japan, children are woken up around 10-11 to see a parent who’s home late from work. It’s their culture and they survive. In light of that 8pm still gives 11 hrs sleep so what’s the problem.

Of course YANBU, but I'd want to know why your friend considers anormal eating pattern (at least in the rest of the world) as absurd and why she thinks her way of feeding her children is a better way.

Whatever works for you - we do exactly the same as you and it works for us! Not just for practical reasons but also because we think it is important to all eat together round the table.

Does your "friend" have children OP?

Is this really a friend, or a relative (your mum...) whose kids are grown up and who thinks you should do what she did with no analytical thinking about her logic, only the inclination to assume not doing what she did is criticism of her?

It doesn't sound like something a friend would say, unless the friend has her kids with her and wants you to feed her kids the way she is suggesting because it is what they are used to, but is for some reason embarrassed to put it like that so is claiming that her way is simply the correct way.

Does she want the kids out of the way so she can have an adults only meal with you?

I don't think anyone genuinely believes it is better for the kids to eat chicken nuggets separately than to eat a normal family meal as a family. It is something many people do for unavoidable practical reasons often, but I've never heard anyone claim it is superior for some reason.

YANBU- we’ve always done the same and try at least few days a week to sit and eat together harder now kids older.

Always had the philosophy of like it or lump it.

How old are her kids op? If they young she in for a world of food battles once they a bit older lol

We look at dinner time like you op, same for all every night unless its a late home night for all of us or we having something spicy
Truth be told there nights i have cereal cos dp and dd are having fish, im allergic and go hide in the bedroom so i dont dry heave at the stench

My toddler eats at 9 pm when my OH gets home from work. He has breakfast at 10.30am, lunch at 3 pm and dinner at 9 pm. Obviously, he has the requisite number of snacks in between. He usually gets up at 10 am and goes to bed at 11 pm.The time between his meals is exactly the same as a child who has breakfast at 7.30am, lunch at 12 pm and dinner at 6 pm. Likewise, his waking hours are the same as a child who goes to bed at 8 pm and gets up at 7 am. I have no idea why I just wrote all that out. As if anyone is interested?!!

I don't see what she thinks is wrong.

I know some families that kind of thing works because people are back late or go to work in the evenings so for them it makes sense to do the kids tea earlier then get on with what they need to do or eat when they get back.

But if you are home then why on earth would you not eat together?

I don't understand how one meal together at six is harder work than multiple choice dinners for the kids then having to food for themselves later they must spend all evening cooking?

But I don't do separate kids teas either. They eat what we eat and either eat it or go without.

Who cooks different meals for their dc
Even when I was weaning they always had what we had.
Tell your friend she's welcome to come and cook another meal for you as she obviously has loads of spare time.

YANBU, it's fine (and better) you all eat the same. I know very few people who do two different meals if it's practical to do one.

Your friend is just creating more work for herself. Fuck that. Everyone eats the same in our house. I am not a chef cooking to order.

DH usually home around 6.15 to 6.30, we eat then and if he's not back yet it gets plated for heating later.

I've never cooked separate meals for my kids. It's perfectly normal to eat the same food at the same time. And you don't exactly eat late either. I love eating together as a family. We're lucky that we can usually eat by 6ish but even if it was later I'd just give the DC a small snack to keep them going. I think it's important for kids to eat what their parents do as they're far more likely to grow up less fussy. Obviously, there are exceptions, but generally, eat the same thing at the same time!