To think my kids should eat the same as me and dh?

[Iwillsurvive1]

So we have friends staying with us who find it absurd (their word) that I expect my dd1 (8) dd2 (5) and ds1 (2) to eat the same meals as me and dh and don’t cook separately for them? I work full time and get home at 4:30 so I cook 1 meal like spaghetti bolognaise, shepherds pie, lasagne etc that we all eat together at 6 ish when dh gets home. My ‘friend’ thinks this is too late for the kids to eat (they go to bed between 8-8:30) and that I should make them something quick and easy so they can eat at 5 before me and dh, she also thinks I should let them choose what they want to eat even if they all want different things but I think this would just make them fussy eaters which I never have a problem with at the moment, obviously if I know they don’t like something I won’t make them eat It like if me and dh have fish or curry they will have something like fish fingers or chicken nuggets something that me and dh wouldn’t want but why would I cook them something different every night? So AIBU?

Why should you cook three or 4 different meals if a single meal works for your family?
I know plenty of parents do have to provide different things or else the kids won't eat, but I bet they'd love to be able to do what you do

@goody2shooz

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable - doing the right thing. Family meals are great, and they might as well get used to proper food. These people who ask kids what they want to eat are simply lazy - it's the parent's responsibility to provide decent food.

Yeah. I could provide 'decent food' and DS would refuse to eat it. He will not eat something if he doesn't want to. Been there, done that. If he will eat some version of what we're having, fine - for example he'll eat plain pasta with grated cheese, but won't eat any sort of tomato sauce, so if we're having pasta, he can have pasta without the sauce, or if we're having wraps with stir fry he'll have a wrap with cheese, salad and carrot but won't eat the stir fry.

Basically he won't eat anything with sauce on - except for a very mild sweet curry.

When he was small he ate just about everything. One day he stopped and would only eat beige food. He's slowly getting better, but I won't make a huge issue over it because I won't turn meal times into a battle of wills. I had enough of that as a child with my grandmother.

Cooking twice when you're all home early enough to eat together at a reasonable time is just bonkers. It's not like you're feeding them anything exotic.

Not sure there is a right or wrong way its down to whatever suits your family and circumstances. I work too and cook a dinner when I get in and we all sit and eat together. Sometimes like you I will do chicken goujons or pizza if myself and dh are having something that I know they won't eat. We always turn of the radio off and no phones at the table and then sit down and argue and fight with each other while we eat.

Icomehereseekingpeas - thanks!

YANBU - I have always given my son the same as me and DH are having. The only rare exceptions are if we want a spicy curry - not often at all but on those nights he has a 'picnic' tea.

He is 4 now and eats really well.

Some kids are just fussy no matter what you do and in those cases it's really difficult but otherwise, I can't see why you would go making different meals.

You are doing the right thing!
We all eat together - when our 2nd DD was 5 we ate at 6, but now she is 9 we all eat together 7-730. This raises eyebrows as most of her friends still eat at 530. But i get in late (6-7) and it enables us to eat as a family. More important than timing! Both DDs have snacks when they arrive home from school to keep them going.

We do two different meals most week nights. Not through choice though. It's the way life is working out at present. DD2 doesn't eat much at all if its past about 5.30. She is just too tired and she's then irritable and difficult until bedtime and then wakes up in the night. DH doesn't get in until 6.00/6.30. It's just too late for her. DD1 can manage fine, DD2 just can't.
So I meal plan. Where we can eat together, we do, and I plan meals like roasts that do best when eaten fresh rather than reheated. Most of the other nights I do meals like spaghetti bolognese because I can take portions out for the kids and heat the rest up for us later.
But there are days when I'm working and can't cook ahead, and need to throw something out ASAP, especially if it's a swimming night or similar. So then they get nuggets or pizza or something.
Ideally we'd all eat together every night. But life isn't always ideal when you are working flat out so we do what works. If your kids can cope with a later meal time, then great. Do that. And everyone else needs to mind their own.

Very rare I cook a separate meal for someone. How weird ! Surely besides just eating, part of a meal is sitting down and sharing together?

Mind, I have a friend who eats really early in the evening, unless we have to rush out somewhere, we don't eat until about 7pm. One of the kids friends still eats at like 4pm though.

i cant wait to be proud of mine when they wake up at the weekend at 3pm to have breakie hehe.best days of your life are getting up late.breakie late late or lite lunch then late tea.so relaxing and freeing.

That's exactly my routine I guess we are both daft then lol.

Sometimes logistics mean we can’t eat til she’s in bed, but whenever we can we eat together as a family. I make one meal. I don’t mind, say, leaving dressing off a salad (she hates dressing but will eat without) but otherwise the only concession is for her allergies...but if necessary I just tweak hers so she can eat it. But essentially we are all having the same meal.

I am muddled as to why this is anything to do with your friend or indeed of any interest to her ?

You meals sound lovely and great that you all eat together.

Hmmm quite fancy a sherpherd's pie myself tonight .......nice work !

I got stuck at the idea of working full-time and coming home at 4.30pm... And DH coming at 6pm! That sounds fab!
Husband gets home at 6 with the kids and I get home at 6 or 7pm. The kids eat with us whenever possible (depending on when I get home and their activities etc) and indeed they may not have a full meal as they get food at nursery/afterschool at around 4.30-5pm. We accommodate to a certain degree but wouldn't make loads of separate meals that's just crazy!

Pfft YANBU not by a long shot. The only time I make my kids a different meal to me and DH is if I know it’s something they really won’t like like if I’m doing something very spicy I’ll either do them something different or portion there’s out minus the spices. Besides that mine rarely eat different meals. If I’m making shepherds pie we all eat shepherds pie although we don’t wait for DH me and the kids eat anywhen between 5.30-6.30 pm depending on clubs etc DH doesn’t usually get home until 8pm so he heats his up and eats later.

If you let your kids choose what to eat every day, then they won't have a varied or healthy diet!

I would love to be able to cook more than one meal that everyone eats. The ONLY meal everyone eats in my house is macaroni cheese.

YABU for giving a flying fuck what your friend thinks. She is bonkers.

Cooking separate ‘children’ meals tends to result in kids eating burgers breadcrumbed crap and not real food. My kids ate the same as the adults as soon as they started on solids. As a result they’ll eat curry etc without blinking.

Absolutely definitely NBU - the ‘friend’ will make a rod for her own back and have fussy kids if she has any ! Keep doing what you’re doing - sounds perfect to me - there is no need for special ‘kids’ food. Your friend is the absurd one !

YANBU. And I think you know it - it’s an odd thing for a person to even need validating so I’m not sure why you do... as some said, is this even real? If it is, then does your idiot friend even have kids?! 6pm isn’t late, for one, and feeding them home cooked, nutritious food, surrounded by conversation and teaching manners is surely the best way...?!
My 2.5yr old mostly eats the same as me, but my husband works odd hours so sometimes I wait for him to come home and we eat late together, so I feed my son alone - still something like bolognaise, an omelette and potato or rice and mild curry, so it’s healthy. But when my stepkids are with us, everything changes and I hate it. They eat at 5 and often (if I’m not cooking it) they each want something individual. And they are really fussy eaters! Just the few nights we do have them (every other weekend and every Wednesday) is now starting to influence my son’s behaviour towards food and he is starting to copy his stepbrothers, whom he adores.
Stick to your way and tell your friend to fuck off and mind her own business.

What's absurd is your friend has the gall to comment adversely on your family's feeding time - btw I side with you kids eat the same

Your "friend" is wrong to say anything. What's more you are right. Surely we want to bring our children up to share family meals and learn table manners and how to socialise?

Sounds great you all sit down and have a family meal together

Intrigued by the pps who give “kids tea” only on curry night, nothing wrong with giving kids a bit of spice! My Indian DH would not have survived to see adulthood as kids options aren’t a thing there 😂