Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

[upsideup]

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

“he will say 'I am a boy with long hair'.”

:)) :)) :))

@Lweji I know, I wear far more blue than I do pink and dh has pink shirts etc.
I actually just bought my 19mo ds a pair of dark pink chinos, better not let Red see him wearing them

Heard germaine Greer talking to Kirsty from news night and highly recommend anyone watching it on u tube. Her opinion on trans activists was fantastic. She’s so funny and so fresh still.

Thing is though, people like Germaine Greer are the ones getting told to shut up as they're TERF bigots
It's actually really scary when you read into it more, I'm surprised more people aren't - but then again apart from on social media you don't really hear about it so it passes you by and you think it's not relevant to you.
It bloody is if you're female! Or should I say cis female - as you're not female, you've been re-labelled if you weren't already aware.

I’m a little sad that MN have deleted Red’s posts. I think people need to see who is out there and how they are ‘supporting’ vulnerable children.

There were a blissful few years, User

Who knew a few progressive years in the late 1970s/80s would feel like the fucking high point of rejecting gender norms!

OP, I cant add anything sensible that hasn’t already been said, but I’m sorry you’re having to deal with the potential for fallout from your niece’s misguided virtue signalling. I do feel sorry for her, because she’s a kid and is being swept along in this nonsense, but because the stakes are high, I understand how cross you must be.

I wouldn’t make it a “trans” issue rather a privacy issue. She has not got your permission to discuss your child on social media and as a 4 year old he was unable to agree. Has she considered the implications of invading his and your privacy. I would be gentle but firm as it’s an important life lesson. She is 15 and has behaved foolishly. I would tell her to remove the post immediately. If she didn’t I would shift quickly to a more unpleasant and direct approach. Good luck.

This is crazy. He's four. Four! When my Dsis was about that age she dug out one of our dad's old disposable razors from the bin and tried to 'shave like daddy' (eeeep - fortunately no serious harm done!) - she has grown up to be a perfectly content, hetero woman. This is what four year olds do! It's terrifying that people are so keen to put our children into little boxes at such a young age. Thank goodness you and your dh have your heads screwed on, op.

I would be very cross with your dniece and would be wanting a firm word about both the whole gender / transgender debacle and about internet privacy -she has no right to 'out' anyone as she essentially has done to your ds (wrongly, of course). In addition to the inherent ridiculousness of what she posted, she has breached your ds's privacy in a way that is totally unacceptable. I would be extremely angry with her, and I'd make sure she knew that and knew why. There would be one hell of a lecture heading her way!

I think things are going backwards with all of this trans nonsense as it is pushing children into the stereotypes we all fought so hard against.
25-30 years ago my DCs, nephews and nieces, were allowed to wear what they wanted and play with what they wanted. Several of the boys had toy prams and dolls, the girls would happily play cricket, football or boy-orientated computer games and all were encouraged just to be happy children.

It is tragic to think of think of children being pushed into trans issues too young

You both sound like amazing parents! I hope your niece's parents are as understanding...

@SimonBridges I agree, I think they should have been left tbh. Up to mnhq though I suppose.

Thinking of yesterday's son's football game, the boys had shoes in all colours and hair in different styles and lengths.
They're 13 and I don't think any is trans.

cady

I know and she was shouted down at a recent uni visit! She was asked if trans women were women and she said ‘no of course they are not women’

Asked if she was afraid of offending them she said ‘no I don’t fucking care anyway I get insulted as an old woman most days deal with it’

She also thought that he Kardashian’ bloke who ‘became’ a women did it to grab the attention off the females in the family.

It was so so so good to hear a woman just straight talking and not cowered or prevaricate.

OP - you and your husband sound like amazing parents.

Maybe it would be an idea, if your niece does come to stay, to show her some of the threads on here, let her read some of the other side of the trans debate (there are some very enlightening articles around). She’ll have had only one side of it.

If you shut her down she might write you off as a “bigot” and entrench her views or worse, seek advice from trans activists.

I don't think MN should have deleted those posts, we need to know what we are up against.

Good point re adults' attitudes toward pink and blue. A colour preference does not prescribe sexuality.

Come to think of it, I don't own anything pink (although I do like coral ) and dh has 2 pink shirts and a pink polo shirt. And he looks very nice in them too! maybe he's trying to tell me something

Ds dressed as Freddie Mercury from "I want to break free" a few months ago. I'd kill to have his legs, which looked great in my fishnet tights he is 17 though so probably secure in his sexuality And he wore a pink sleeveless top (which also showed off his muscular arms).

He had long hair through primary school - he didn't like us cutting it. Quite a few boys at his rugby club also had long hair; to the extent that the coach at one of the other clubs we were playing said, "What's with the rock star hair styles?" None of them felt the need to transition - they just liked long hair at the time

I used to work with a man with a ponytail - pretty sure he was a bloke through and through. He then cut it off (a great improvement btw) - pretty sure he was still a bloke then too?!

How come men in their forties can have long hair and still be men, but little boys must automatically be girls as soon as their hair goes beyond a regulation length? Is there a standard cutoff point? And about the pink - what is the exact Pantone shade at which masculinity shrivels?

I'd ask your niece to explain this because it might, might just make her see the utter ridiculousness of the markers she's decided make your ds a dd.

Apparently Red is a PBP-wonder why that is...
I'm very similar to some who have already posted-labeled a 'tomboy' as a child my fave outfit was dungarees & whatever went with them-I'd have rather died than wear a dress - not envy I've fell out of so many trees & off quite a few roofs (skateboard/BMX stunts) it's a miracle I'm still around tbh. To think if I was a child now the bullshit that would be put to my parents is quite scary.
Amazingly I turned out quite feminine, despite my love of cars & pints of beer...

Is Red covertly advertising a new Black Mirror episode

Christ, I'm all for supporting trans people but that's going way too far. Kids don't know what they want.

I used to say I wished I was a boy because my brother got cool stuff like K'nex and I got barbies.
Thank God my family knew I was just after some more interesting toys rather than a penis.

When DS1 was 3 he used to say he was a girl, no idea where he got the idea and he hasn't mentioned it recently, should I have encouraged him to change his name and have hormone therapy

Definitely speak to BIL/SIL OP rather than post on Facebook. That would only escalate and your niece and her friends will only see you as oppressive anyway, most 15 year olds can't see the the woods for the trees.

How come men in their forties can have long hair and still be men, but little boys must automatically be girls as soon as their hair goes beyond a regulation length?

If having a ponytail made someone a woman, believe me when I say the tech industry would not be in the spotlight for having a disproportionately small female workforce.

OP, you sound like a brilliant parent!

OP - I just wanted to say that you and your DH sound like fantastic parents who have dealt with having a GNC child absolutely wonderfully. I hope your little boy grows up to be as happy and confident in himself as we all deserve to be. And with you at his side, I'm sure he has the best possible chance.

Thinking about it my Dh wears more jewellry than me, would much rather go with older DD to ballet than take older DS to football, spends too much time on his clothes, hair and skin and when DN was little even had long back hair in a ponytail and wore (horrible) floral shirts but I have never seen her post about her transgender uncle/auntie.

Shes 15, it sounds like it was meant in a good way and she may not fully understand the definition of trans past 'liking things typically other gender' at that age.
I would speak to her over the phone, ask her to take the post down and explain that at this age it's normal for girls to like short hair/trucks/monster or visa versa like your son but it doesn't mean they are trans and that you don't want that following him as he gets older as if he (quite likely) isnt then it could be upsetting for him as he's older if that's been spread around and remembered.

I would feel upset too. My aunt has written stuff about my daughter on Facebook linked to videos to do with autism, saying how amazing my daughter is and talking about her quirks, it annoys me more as she has only met my daughter a handful of times and doesn’t really know her at all yet she talks like she sees her every day and is involved in her life.

Anyway, I think you need to consider that at the age of 15 she’s probably quite nieve? She’s probably caught up in the ‘trans is cool’ phase. My oldest dd is a similar age and has trans and gay friends, she thinks it’s all pretty trend and cool (because it’s in the media so much). Maybe just send her a short message reminding her that your ds is only 4 and is not recognised as trans, he’s just a little boy.

I used to get called a boy when I was a child, I wore boys clothes, wanted short hair, wore fake tattoos and liked to play in mud. I am not gay or trans, I just like to wear what I like and I prefer mud to make up.

FFS. Call her parents, and tell her and them to take the post down.

She probably wants to be "cool" having a "trans" cousin. Claiming that a 4-year old is trans (or is anything) is completely ridiculous.

For what it's worth, I would make it very clear that you don't want ANYONE posting pictures or talking about your underage on social media without your consent. And threaten legal measures if required.

Just a thought - is it stuff she's heard from her parents?