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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PIL coming to DC swimming lessons

107 replies

Efferlunt · 04/03/2018 10:15

For over a year now I’ve been taking my older two to swimming lessons with baby in tow. It’s the usual wrestling with wet children (baby in sling) in overheated poorly cleaned local pool, not my absolute favourite way to spend my time but a means to an end.

Recently the time of the lessons have changed and now DH can come too. That’s great. I did suggest that I could stay at home with baby but he thinks it will be a nice thing to do with the family. That’s fine we can get a coffee and chat etc while the kids are swimming, we’ve done this a few times now, all good.

DH couldn’t come to the last lesson. I get a call from FIL suggesting he drive MIL from the next town over to help me with it. I explained that while a nice thought I’d been doing it fine on my own for ages so they really didn’t need to drive from the next town over in the snow for no good reason - roads were horrible.

Anyway MIL said that in future she’d really like to come and help DH and I with swimming lessons because she’d love to see them swimming. Again I tried to explain that you don’t stay poolside during lessons so she’d have to admire them from a distance from the cafe viewing area where there are never enough seats. But she wants to come anyway.

FIL needs to drive her so they’d both come, so we would have four adults and a baby to take two kids swimming trooping in and out of the changing room etc. To me this sounds like making a mildly stressful situation worse. MIL means well but can be quite hard work and does get upset when things don’t meet her expectations so I can’t see this being the ideal time to spend time together and will probably strain our delicate relationship.

Okay so first world problem but AIBU to say no to this (it will cause offence) or just leave them to it and stay at home. It’s been suggested that I am. I’m also fine with them coming to ‘help’ with other activities just not bloody swimming.

TL:DR Aibu to say that you don’t need four adults to take two kids swimming and it actually causes more problems then it solves?

OP posts:
anneoneill · 04/03/2018 10:17

Are they competent enough to take the children, possibly look after the baby, and give you and DH a morning off?

Leilaniiii · 04/03/2018 10:18

Let them come. Make them feel welcome. They'll soon realise what a pointless PITA the whole thing is and stop coming.

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 04/03/2018 10:21

How weird.

EchidnasPhone · 04/03/2018 10:21

Stay home with the baby. This is what I decided to do as it was complete overkill 2 kids with 4 adults watching. Now that the youngest is older DH takes him & the kids to the activity & meets his parents. It’s a lovely opportunity to have a nap or go for coffee by myself.

Birdsgottafly · 04/03/2018 10:22

Leave them to it and stay at home.

It's a nice activity for them to share. You don't mind missing it, because you've said for your DH to go alone.

It doesn't matter if they are driving from the next town, if they are rattling around looking for something to do. It's good for your PILs physical and mental health.

Cheby · 04/03/2018 10:23

Let DH go with all 3, meet PIL there. PIL can look after baby while DH helps kids get changed.

You can stay home and mumsnet/ read/ catch up on Netflix while eating chocolate use the time productively while they are out.

jesuislepp · 04/03/2018 10:24

Agree that it’s overkill but as they’ve asked to do it, I would agree and just stay at home. Let them deal with the traipsing in and out of the changing room and have a couple of hours off. You say yourself that swimming is a pain!

insancerre · 04/03/2018 10:24

One adult goes in the changing room with the swimmers and meets the others inbtge cafe
The baby goes with the other adults to the cafe
At the end of the lesson one adult goes to help the children while the baby and other adults stay in the cafe and then they all meet up again and go their separate ways

Oldraver · 04/03/2018 10:25

"Oh how wonderful you want to help with the DC's and see them swimming"

And stay a home while they do the donkey work

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/03/2018 10:25

I really don't see what the problem is sorry. You could let them go with DH whilst you stay at home with the baby? But I couldn't get worked up about PILs wanting to be involved with the GC.

I can't work out in what way it puts you out? Confused

Wibblywobblyfoo · 04/03/2018 10:25

If be annoyed that no one had offered help while I was struggling on my own but that pils had decided to come only when they thiught your dh mught have to do some work.
Let the 3 of them go and you chill out doing your own thing for a few hours.

Efferlunt · 04/03/2018 10:27

I’d be happy with all of that but I’ve bern told that Iabu for wanting to stay at home and leave them to it. Apparently this it’s a nice time for us all to spend together as a family Confused

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 04/03/2018 10:28

Why don't they take the DC swimming another time (outside of lessons)?

anneoneill · 04/03/2018 10:29

If be annoyed that no one had offered help while I was struggling on my own but that pils had decided to come only when they thiught your dh mught have to do some work.

Take off your tinfoil hat, not everything is a sexist conspiracy:

DH couldn’t come to the last lesson. I get a call from FIL suggesting he drive MIL from the next town over to help me with it (emphasis added)

Is "rtft" a patriarchal construct?

Super123 · 04/03/2018 10:30

They want to help. Let them do it either on their own, or with dh.
You probably don't get much time off.
Personally, I wouldn't give them the baby as well though.

JustHooking · 04/03/2018 10:30

Either they take him or you stay home
It's a swimming lesson not a bloody family outing
Express amazement at all of you going and tell them it's ridiculous

Efferlunt · 04/03/2018 10:31

And I know that pil are not going to be persuaded to wait in the cafe - although I suppose I could

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/03/2018 10:33

So you've already suggested you stay at home? I thought you didn't want to?

If you don't want them there then say so but to me it sounds like you're being a bit controlling. Mil could hold the baby whilst you and DH get the dc into their swimming gear and into the pool, whilst FIL gets the coffees.

Sounds great to me!

Super123 · 04/03/2018 10:33

Swimming lessons and everything that goes with it is not nice family time.
Could you suggest something else you could all do as a family and as way of thanking them for helping?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/03/2018 10:33

X post OP.

zippey · 04/03/2018 10:34

Say that this week you want to do something - shopping or cleaning or something else, and start making this a regular ask.

When they say it will be a nice family thing, it actually means they would like you there because you are experienced and know wgat you are doing, and they are worrued about not knowing what to do.

best way to learn is to leave them too it.

i think it sounds like a nice idea and could work out well for everyone involved.

TERFragetteCity · 04/03/2018 10:36

How is it family time when you will be in the cafe, with the PILs?

Stay home.

tortelliniforever · 04/03/2018 10:36

Swimming lessons are NOT a nice time to spend as a family! Definitely stay at home. Or let them come, "train them up" and let them take the children.

Appuskidu · 04/03/2018 10:38

And I know that pil are not going to be persuaded to wait in the cafe - although I suppose I could

It doesn’t need sound like a nice family time if there is no coffee and cake involved to me! Is it likely they’d want to come back to your house every week for dinner and the afternoon every week as well?!

I would be honest with your DH and say you think it’s a ridiculous suggestion and that you will stay at home!

CherryMaDeary · 04/03/2018 10:38

OP, did you see Leilanii's suggestion below? I agree with her

Let them come. Make them feel welcome. They'll soon realise what a pointless PITA the whole thing is and stop coming.