To ask about leaving children home alone?

[ThisLittleKitty]

Whats the youngest you would leave a child home alone to pop to the shops? I know everyone's area is different so shops will be further away, but just looking for a general idea.

I think you'll find most people would judge you. Please, be honest, would you happily tell the other parents in your child's class that you think its OK to leave your 4 year old child alone in the house. Also my question about if you had an accident, are you seriously telling me you'd not be ashamed asking them to go get your you g child that you've left at home alone. Surely you can see its wrong. What's the need...really? Or is it just that you CBA to take the extra minute or 2 to take her with?

@TotHappy think you need to tag @Thehogfather.

Although I'd forgotten hogfather was one of my name changes 😂😂

rainbow

pepo either the sw is incorrectly informed, or more likely your friend has made it up. There's no fixed age, either legally or from the PoV of warranting ss intervention. It's more about risk and probability. So eg if you leave your immature, or babied 12yr old alone for the first time ever for 12hrs and and they hurt themselves using the glass window as a goal post, then you are at fault. But if your sensible, mature 7/8yr old trips over their own feet, or has any other accident that wouldn't have been preventable if you were at home with them, whilst you nipped to the shop for 5 minutes, no law or sw can hold you responsible or apportion blame.

I'm not a child sw, or legally trained. The above is my general understanding, backed up by child sw's I know. And particularly by someone significantly higher than just a sw in child services who was very open about applying the same logic to her own dc, who had a level of independence in line with dd's.

I reckon most people would agree under 6 shouldn't be left alone, and 10+ should be left (or allowed to go to the park, walk to school). There will be some extreme parents who leave 4 year olds or never let 12 year olds out of their sight, but 7-9 is more of the grey area in terms of individual circumstances and maturity.

For 20 mins or so, I reckon a tiny bit younger than when you would allow your child to walk to school on their own.

So, for me, 10 years old. Walking to school alone from 11.

DS1 was 10 when first left, albeit very briefly - whilst I took DS one mile away to a drama club. The neighbours knew DS was home alone and I was gone for no more than 10 mins. He was/is very sensible, I was very confident he would know what to do if there was a problem.

We've just started leaving DS2 (9) with DS1 (14), again for just short stints. I'm not sure when we'd leave DS2 alone though. Whilst I'm confident he wouldn't mess around, if there was a problem he'd be extremely anxious and would be overwhelmed.

I locked myself out of the house, with my barely 1 year old asleep in her cot once.

I’d just stepped out of the front door to the bins and the anti-lock button (no idea what it’s actually called) failed.

I went into absolute panic. I tried and failed to smash a window and eventually made a device out of some BBQ tongs from the garden and a wire coat hanger from the bin. As the door wasn’t properly locked, I managed to use that to open the handle through the letterbox.

After the thoughts that crossed my mind, my two will be lucky to ever be left alone!

Smashedmug.
No, not laziness.
Purposely teaching them independence.

Start with ten mins, see how it goes, increase.

Dd was 8 - she was very proud of herself.
She tidied her room and dusted to show how grown up she could be whilst we were out. (We hadn't gone anywhere, we were hiding round the corner).

For dd, secondary school is a 2 mile walk away. I'm not going to expect her to just suddenly do that without incremental steps.

I do actually know someone who was reported to ss for leaving her 4 year old alone and they did visit her so although there is no legal age I do think ss would take action if someone reported it.

I’d leave my 8 almost 9 year old for 10-15 mins while I nip to the corner shop.
If his older sibling is with him (he’s 13) I’ll leave the pair of them for an hour or so if need be. Don’t like to leave the eldest responsible for a huge amount of time if poss. Not that theyd be fine but I don’t think it’s fair to him.
My13 yr old I would be fine leaving alone for any length of time.

As a widowed single parent, 20 years ago, my kids had to be resourceful from a young age. I remember being incapacitated with flu and labyrinthitis, vomiting on the floor, and had to send my 5 year old to the village shop alone to get milk for her and her 4 year old sister.
She crossed the road carefully, and cane back most indignant that the shop lady had tried to give her full fat milk “but I told her semi skimmed, mummy!”.
The kids walked to the village school alone from the age of 6.
They had a house key from the ages of 9 and 8 years, and looked after themselves alone at home for 2 hours until I got back from work.
They knew how to use the phone, basic first aid, and were very sensible. When they went to uni, they had to give “laundry and cooking tutorials” to helpless fellow students who had been mollycoddled all their lives, and never had to cope with daily living!

We have left our nearly 9 year old for up to 30minutes for the last 6 months or do. Also allow her to walk 200m to her friends house, or to the shop (opposite and a couple of doors down). She also will walk to school occasionally with a friend (5 minutes, no main roads).

Will up the responsibility when she hits year 5.

arethereanyleftatall whilst not everyone would leave an 8 year old I don't think most people would see any issue with that, I don't.

babdoc I'm really not one of those 'things are different these days' kind of people normally but with things like this I do think 20 years makes a huge difference and things really were different then.

I always wonder on these threads when people justify leaving very young children alone with 'teaching independence'

Being alone is not and never has equalled being independent.

@thehogfather

Thanks for replying.
I know you’re right, there’s just no telling her. Just won’t hear it. I don’t think I can actually DO anything. I’ve quoted the law at her. Makes no difference. I just couldn’t imagine beeing a teenager and being micromanaged to that extent. Staggering. Thanks again.

I wouldn’t actually do it but my 7 year old is sensible enough to be left alone. Seems far too young though so haven’t. She occasionally gets left with the 13 year old. Think (13yo) has been staying home alone (full days) for a couple of years now.

Ds is 8 (9 in May) and he’d like to be left alone while I nip to the shop but I’m not sure yet. Maybe in the summer once he’s turned 9, that’s when we intend to build up to letting him walk to karate (no major roads to cross) and the local shop (1 main road with a pelican crossing) alone.

@colleysmill oops sorry!!

I looked at gov.uk as well. It does state the NSPCC guidelines but since there is no minimum age I don't think it is that 'very young children are a definite no no'. Otherwise surely it would say, not under 3, not under 5, whatever. They haven't legislated an age. The legislation is, that you can't leave them if there is significant risk of harm. I don't think a sleeping baby in a cot is at significant risk of harm. But... To those asking, how would you feel explaining to emergency services that your child was home alone, I admit I wouldn't feel good about it. I would think they would think I'm a bad mother. But I know, actually, I'm not a bad mother. Fwiw, I think leaving a newborn or young baby to cry it out is horrific. But people who do that probably aren't bad mother's either. We all make choices.

4 is just ridiculous. Would like to actually know a scenario that warrants leaving them at that age to be honest!

I don't think a sleeping baby in a cot is at significant risk of harm

They are if there's a fire.

I always privately wonder when the inevitable panicked threads about nt dc making their own way to secondary start, or what to do about childcare in y7, or whether dc should be allowed out unaccompanied with new secondary friends, what to do about the fact ds is no longer allowed in the womens changing or toilet past 8yrs old, how nt dc will cope changing for pe in reception etc. I wonder why responsibility and independence weren't encouraged slowly at an earlier age, and why the parents are trying to pretend that level of immaturity and/or mollycoddling is normal at that age.

They wouldn't just think you were a bad mother, they would make a safeguarding referral and rightly so.

I leave my 6 year old occasionally to pop to the local shop which is 5 doors down and doesn't require me to cross a road and I'm always there and back in about 5 minutes. I wouldn't leave him for any longer though

I left my eldest from 10 in year 6, they travel to secondary alone from 11, so it’s good to leave them for a little bit to get used to a bit of independence.

I’d never leave my 6 year old alone, even with my 10year old.

*I always wonder on these threads when people justify leaving very young children alone with 'teaching independence'

Being alone is not and never has equalled being independent*

This ^^

I do wonder why some people have children, so many see them as an inconvenience moaning it takes too much effort to take them with them etc, they need to spend money on them, they hate the school holidays as they have to do some parenting etc.