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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about leaving children home alone?

285 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 17:15

Whats the youngest you would leave a child home alone to pop to the shops? I know everyone's area is different so shops will be further away, but just looking for a general idea.

OP posts:
MsAwesomeDragon · 03/03/2018 20:53

I started leaving dd1 for a few minutes at 7, almost 8. But it was for less then 10 mins at a time. By the time she was 10 I would happily leave her for an hour or so on her own as she was very sensible.

Dd2 is now 8 and does NOT want to be left alone ever. So it will be a slower process with her as it needs to be at her pace. By this age dd1 was going to a local shop alone, but moving house means there aren't any shops dd2 could go to without crossing roads that are a bit too busy for her. I would happily leave her for a few minutes now, but she isn't happy about it, so I won't.

lolalotta · 03/03/2018 20:55

I'm horrified at people saying 6 and 7 too!!!

CurcubitaPepo · 03/03/2018 20:56

I have a friend who is completely the other way.

She doesn’t work, and only has one child who has just turned 13. She has always been really controlling. Her daughter has never been left alone for a minute. Daughter gets the bus to high school, a 10 min walk away to the bus stop. Mums drops her off at the bus stop and meets her in the afternoon.

Last week she said it would be another year before she would leave her alone / allow her out.

The reason she gives for this is because some years ago her sister had a brush with social services, and apparently the sw told her that no child was allowed to be left / allowed out on their own under the age of 14. For any length of time. Ever.

She doesn’t seem to comprehend how ridiculous that statement is. My friend is quite anxious about a lot of things and is an Overdramatic type.

I had a domineering and controlling mother who tried to micromanage my teenage years. I was stifling and I deeply resented it. I feel for her daughter because sooner or later she will be he same.

We ended up having a row about this because I told her it was completely ridiculous and I don’t even believe the sw ever said that.

I just really worry about them both because the situation as I see it is deeply unhealthy. And I also worry my friendship after 12 years may be at an end.

OlennasWimple · 03/03/2018 20:57

7-8 for leaving on their own for 20 mins. 8-9 for sending to the corner shop five minutes away

If Year 5 and Year 6 children are typically allowed to walk themselves home from school (ie aged 9 onwards) I don't really see why they aren't to be trusted on their own in the home for a short period.

CurcubitaPepo · 03/03/2018 20:58

Sorry, that was really long and potentially hijacking but also cathartic. Sensible suggestions welcome!

RainbowGlitterFairy · 03/03/2018 20:58

Thehogfather It was very much like that puzzle but sometimes alliances would change and suddenly you would have a bag of grain that would attack the fox while the chicken did a spot of stirring.

Titsywoo · 03/03/2018 20:59

DD was 10 the first time I left her alone but only because I was leaving her with DS who was 8 so I'd say about 8.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 20:59

Well there was a post on here not long ago about a child who walked to a from school on her own at 6or 7 I think it was. In heavy snow, iiirc the walk was 40 mins. Like I said I personally find that more risky but apparently it's completely normal in certain parts of Europe. Fwiw I haven't left mine to do this yet was just getting opinions on when is suitable.

OP posts:
Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 20:59

I can't believe anyone thinks its OK to leave a baby or toddler to go out for 20 mins. That's utterly selfish. Get your bloody life sorted that you are organized enough to not be doing shit like that. I've got a 5, 3 and 1 year old. Yep, its a pain having to take them everywhere but I still do. How can you possibly be justifying that, there is literally never an excuse good enough. What if the first time they ever climb out the cot is a time when you aren't there?

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 20:59

At 8 children can go unaccompanied to cinema/swimming/bowling

Hardly comparable as there would be staff watching and over seeing any emergency that arises.

Even then I wouldn't let an 8 year old go to either alone.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 21:03

In response to the ops question. In was allowed to pop to the shops myself around age 7/8 and would walk the 25-30 minutes walk to school from around age 9. My eldest is only 5 so I don't really know yet about how I'd feel but I know that from age 10 I'll be letting her walk to school (10-15mins) alone with me following behind with the younger two and pop to the shops as I want her to have had a year or so experience of this kinda thing before high school. I may let her a little sooner but will just wait and see

YearOfYouRemember · 03/03/2018 21:06

Bit sad at all these dogs only getting a ten minute walk..

CottonSock · 03/03/2018 21:07

I've left my 4 year old for 5 to 10 mins. She is very sensible for her age. My mum used to leave me and my sister too. I check she has had a wee, has everything she needs. Her eyes do not leave paw patrol. I know others wouldn't, but don't judge

lolalotta · 03/03/2018 21:08

OMG.

newdaylight · 03/03/2018 21:08

7ish depending on child.
When I was 8 I was doing 10 mile bike rides on my own. I think that's great. I live in a city so cycling may be a little more dangerous here.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 21:09

I do judge cotton, judge a lot actually... She's 5 ffs. I've got a very, very sensible 5 year old...wouldn't leave her on her own for ten mins though.

If you had an accident and had to tell emergency services to go get your 4 year old that you'd left alone are you honestly telling me you wouldn't feel ashamed?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 21:10

Oh no, your child is 4 actually, not 5. Yep, you're a dick

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 21:11

Sorry, can I ask. What the hell is so important that you need to leave such a young child alone. Take them with you ffs

NualaCassia · 03/03/2018 21:12

I leave my 8 1/2 year old home ds1 alone for 10mins while I take the 7 1/2 year old to Scouts. Dh is home with Ds2 by the time ds1 needs to go to Scouts.

I leave them both together for 5 mins while I pop to the local shop.

They have iPads so can FaceTime their dad or me if there’s any problems. They know not to use the kitchen. If I’m not back by a certain time, they know what to do. They know what to do in a fire, they know not to answer the door and they know our address and phone numbers if there’s an emergency.

Usually I leave them on their beds/the sofa with their iPads or tv and they are still in the same position when I get back.

lolalotta · 03/03/2018 21:12

I don't think I've ever met a sensible 4 year old!!!!

formerbabe · 03/03/2018 21:12

I've left my 4 year old for 5 to 10 mins. She is very sensible for her age. My mum used to leave me and my sister too. I check she has had a wee, has everything she needs. Her eyes do not leave paw patrol. I know others wouldn't, but don't judge

I'm judging.

jarhead123 · 03/03/2018 21:13

10

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 21:14

I don't know how I'll feel by then but I think leaving an 8 year old is fine in a lot of cases. It doesn't matter how sensible they are but IMO any child under age 6 shouldn't be left alone , just no need at all and its an accident waiting to happen

CottonSock · 03/03/2018 21:18

Judge me that's fine. Mumsnet is a parallel universe after all

SmashedMug · 03/03/2018 21:20

I'm gobsmacked at some of these replies. Is it just laziness that makes you leave them home alone so young?