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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager says I need to give up Breast Feeding

123 replies

Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 16:58

I don’t think I am BU.

This week was my first week back at work. My baby son is not much over 6 months and EBF, trying to introduce formula for the daytime but not going well and he refused it while I was on mat leave even though I tried numerous time.

I’m not totally obsessed with BF but think it is best and why would you not give the baby a chance at the best start.

In my first meeting back my manager said I need to give up as otherwise it will interfere with my work. I mentioned I am still feeding 4 x a night so quite tired and that I may have my break to go and feed the baby rather than pump at work. I work for the local authority, if you try and escalate things nothing is done it’s “down to managers discretion” what can I do ? There is no proof she said this as it was face to face.

Due to the snow I worked from home mon-thurs this week but next week I may need to go home to feed the baby.

Worried that anything going wrong at work will be put down to me being unfit due to home situation then sacked.

Has anyone managed ?

OP posts:
QueenArseClangers · 03/03/2018 17:01

Have you a union?
Your manager is talking out of their arse and behaving unlawfully if you’re in the Uk.

MavisPike · 03/03/2018 17:01

I think they have to provide somewhere for you to express
Maybe post this in legal matters too

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/03/2018 17:02

That's a really horrible thing for her to say.

Have they agreed that you can go home to feed? I think if your baby isn't on site, and can't be bought to you by a third party, legally you might only have the right to somewhere suitable to express rather than going home - but I might be wrong so please don't take this as gospel!

If they've already agreed you can go home; I'd refer her back to that. It might also be worth a chat with ACAS or a breastfeeding helpline

iammargesimpson · 03/03/2018 17:02

But if you go home to feed the baby in your break how is that interfering with your work?
On a practical level is it only that one break you get, will the baby be OK with that?
I don't know anything about the legalities of this but your manager surely can't make you stop by?!

Hercules12 · 03/03/2018 17:03

If it's in your break then it's nothing to do with them. I would not mention it again and both say where you're going for your break.
Worth trying to pump at work as quicker overall although depends where you live I guess.

andijustthought · 03/03/2018 17:04

Your manager really cant say that to you.

However, I'd be concerned about my performance in work if I were up 4 times a night feeding. You must be exhausted.

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 03/03/2018 17:04

If you work for an LA then there's policies. Yes you can get the union to support you but HR really should be standing by their policies here. Protected category. Accomodation should be made. That isn't limited to a spot in the fridge. Your manager sounds like the typical local authority manager that cannot accept the reality of havibg a cushy protected environment when it doesn't benefit themself.

Hercules12 · 03/03/2018 17:04

Yanbu of course.

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 17:05

0300 123 1100

Ring ACAS and ask your rights.

Unihorn · 03/03/2018 17:05

Did you have a return to work risk assessment when you went back? I do them for my team members and always make sure they know they can express when needed. Your manager is not acting lawfully and I would advise you to attempt to get them to put in writing what they said eg. email for clarification.

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 03/03/2018 17:06

Is she offering to make up bottles and buy formula? No? Well she can bog off then Grin Surely an LA has a BF policy in place that she just needs to implement - expressing room, somewhere to store milk etc.

MagicNumbers1234 · 03/03/2018 17:07

Ask your Manager to put that request/remark in an email/written format both on the minutes of the meeting and for your own records so you can haul their ass and the company's ass over the coals both with HR and legally I bet suddenly your Manager might not be as obnoxious. There are laws to protect you and your employer or/and manager have no right to make such ridiculous remarks or requests. Smile

TERFragetteCity · 03/03/2018 17:07

I would email her and say 'Please can you confirm that you informed me that I need to give up breast feeding as it will interfere with my work. I have obviously taken further advice and they just need the correct wording of the policy. Or if you could send me the full policy that would be great. Thanks'.

AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 03/03/2018 17:09

Well it's illegal, so just ignore her, if she tries to stop you expressing officially then you will have proof of what she's doing and she'll have dug a lovely hole for herself. In fact they have to provide you somewhere to express and guidance is to allow extra breaks.
If it's OK to leave work in your breaks, then it's nothing to do with her where you go.

ButteredScone · 03/03/2018 17:09

Is the manager’s concern about the breastfeeding itself?

It sounds like the concern is actually around your attendance, which is the manger’s business (unlike the breastfeeding, which is not).

IrenetheQuaint · 03/03/2018 17:09

Check equality legislation - isn't maternity a protected characteristic? Then check with HR and send her a passive aggressive email. She'll probably claim you 'misunderstood' her...

dinosaurkisses · 03/03/2018 17:11

Is there a safety concern due to you working over-tired? As in do you work with machinery or with vulnerable people where exhaustion would be a danger?

Other than that she is massively overstepping- speak to your union or ACAS. HR will be interested as well

RaindropsAndSparkles · 03/03/2018 17:12

What was the context op? Do you think that's really what your manager meant? I can see me saying that but trying to empathise with how bloody hard it is to breast feed and go back to work at 6 months.

Your employer has to provide a comfy, private space for you to express. No prob with you going home to feed in yr lunch break if you live close by.

I think you are expecting a lot of yourself to return to work full time, EBF when yr baby is just 6 months. But if you are back full time then you are expected to render a full time contractual service.

Cd you put in a flexible working request to reduce hours for 3 months?

gallicgirl · 03/03/2018 17:12

Which bit of breastfeeding does your manager think is interfering with work? Formula fed babies don't sleep through the night either. I got fr less sleep with my ff daughter than with my bf son and I've often been to work on around 4 hours interrupted sleep (not suggesting that's ideal or suitable for anyone else- it just was)
How you choose to use your break is entirely up to you as long as you're not elected to be treated differently than other members of staff.
I would suggest that by breastfeeding, your little one is less likely to be ill which will have a positive impact on your attendance at work.

Ultimately though, what you do at home is none of your boss's business. Speak to HR about a risk assessment and take it from there.

chickywoo · 03/03/2018 17:15

Do what TERfragetteCity said 👍🏻

Fortybingowings · 03/03/2018 17:15

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QueenNefertitty · 03/03/2018 17:15

This has made me furious.

I went back to work ft when DS was 12mo, and I was (and still am) breastfeeding several times a night. He's now 18mo. I also breastfeed during the day when he's unwell (sadly often)- and have been popping home or to the nursery to do so, once or twice in the day, for a few days at a time.

Yes I'm tired, yes I have to take breaks to feed in the day- but I make up the time and I'm fabulous at my job.

This is the sort of BS that is effectively ruins women's confidence in juggling motherhood and work. It makes you feel damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Suggest you contact ACAS, but also enquiry what your Local nhs push on breastfeeding is like- liklihood is they'll be running initiatives to get women breastfeeding/ keep them bfing- and they'll be able to offer advice or get you in touch with la leche league who will be able to offer moral support if nothing else

DullAndOld · 03/03/2018 17:17

I don't think your manager has any knowledge of the law.
I would speak to HR in this situation, they will be a bit more clued up.
Your manager has zero right to tell you how to feed your child.

OneEpisode · 03/03/2018 17:17

I hope your return to work goes well. I carried on bf for a year after retuning to work in an office full time so it is possible.
As others have said, it is possible your manager is trying to be caring to you. My dps for instance, when I complained how tired I was with a newborn, suggested I put the baby out of the room at night so I didn’t hear baby so quickly. They love their gc but it upset me at the time...

Stompythedinosaur · 03/03/2018 17:18

As others have said, this is illegal. Your work have to allow reasonable adjustments to support breastfeeding, including providing space to express or feed the baby if they're bought in.

Are you in a union?