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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager says I need to give up Breast Feeding

123 replies

Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 16:58

I don’t think I am BU.

This week was my first week back at work. My baby son is not much over 6 months and EBF, trying to introduce formula for the daytime but not going well and he refused it while I was on mat leave even though I tried numerous time.

I’m not totally obsessed with BF but think it is best and why would you not give the baby a chance at the best start.

In my first meeting back my manager said I need to give up as otherwise it will interfere with my work. I mentioned I am still feeding 4 x a night so quite tired and that I may have my break to go and feed the baby rather than pump at work. I work for the local authority, if you try and escalate things nothing is done it’s “down to managers discretion” what can I do ? There is no proof she said this as it was face to face.

Due to the snow I worked from home mon-thurs this week but next week I may need to go home to feed the baby.

Worried that anything going wrong at work will be put down to me being unfit due to home situation then sacked.

Has anyone managed ?

OP posts:
notacooldad · 03/03/2018 17:38

think it is best and why would you not give the baby a chance at the best start

Was that sentence really necessary! Hmm

MichaelBendfaster · 03/03/2018 17:38

Was this meeting minuted? If not, email her and repeat the comment and ask her to confirm she said it/point you to the full policy around breastfeeding/protected categories.

Yellowshadeofgreen · 03/03/2018 17:43

Yes I know I “shouldn’t” be but it’s not that easy !!!

I don’t think that is true OP. Babies fed normally (breastfed) feed into the night for quite some time. You of course don’t need to get up to BF a baby so you can see why people with a poor understanding of BF find the notion of feeding during the night to seem like a very difficult task. I FF 2 kids before I BF, I’d have thought you were putting yourself to no end of bother feeding a baby 4 times in the night because FF at night is so much more demanding. You are doing fine. Find out your legal entitlements and don’t worry about your boss, you can still BF without permission from them even if you have no legal protection which I know nothing about.

flumpybear · 03/03/2018 17:43

Your manager should not be offering advice like that - absolutely none of their business

However, if things are interfering with your work you'll have to start balancing your home life better , if your child is up x4 In the night then your husband should be helping too

If you go home to BF in your break and it fits time wise then there's no problem, a problem may occur though if you're late back or your work starts slipping etc

It sounds like your husband needs to start helping With nights though

Viviennemary · 03/03/2018 17:47

Of course your manager has no right to say you can't b/f. Work needs to put in place whatever provision is stipulated by law. And a lot of babies wake up several times a night whether or not they are b/f. See your Union.

Garmadonsmum · 03/03/2018 17:49

I was up four times night with a four year old, never mind a six month old. Did Gina Ford randomly appear on the thread?
Clearly OP you won't get sympathy from your boss re night wakenings but you should expect to be able to express milk at work, or us lunch to go home if you can (who has the baby? Is bringing the baby to you a possibility?)
Oh and join a union.

Viviennemary · 03/03/2018 17:49

Just to add haven't heard actually going home to feed the baby is allowed in works time. Doing it in your lunch break wouldn't be a problem though.

brownelephant · 03/03/2018 17:50

is you manager asking you to stop breatsfeeding (which would be illegal) or asking you to not be so tired that you can't do your job properly (entirely reasonable)?

Fifthtimelucky · 03/03/2018 17:51

I agree that breastfeeding 4 times a night should not be necessary at 6 months (assuming baby is healthy). If you are too tired to work effectively, that is your manager's business. Otherwise it is not, and as others have said your work now has to provide a place to express to enable you to continue.

I went back to work 5 months after my first child was born. I expressed once a day and she took the bottles to nursery. She got through far more than I could keep up with, but I had started expressing early and had a huge supply in the freezer, and also carried on expressing at weekends to top it up.

I kept it up until she was a year old and could drink cows milk (carried on breastfeeding for a further 6 months until I became pregnant again and it was too painful).

Nipping home to breastfeed in my lunch break would have been great, but as I commuted for more than hour, it wasn't an option!

dischargepaperwork · 03/03/2018 17:54

My second was up every few hours until she was 5 so presumably your manager would have me pack her off to boarding!

All babies, all mums and all journeys are different. There is no 'should' and 'should not'.

CaMePlaitPas · 03/03/2018 17:54

This is against the law in France where I live, I agree with people saying go to HR to discuss further.

BubbleAndSquark · 03/03/2018 17:58

Its none of her business, but I'd just say he's sleeping better at night to get her off your back. If you're back in time it's none of her business what you do on your break either.
To make things easier for you, have you thought about co sleeping? DS has 4-5 feeds a night but I don't feel at all tired really as he's next to me so just wriggles to wake me up then feed him while he's still half asleep and am only awake myself for 5-10 minutes still laid down etc.
But make sure you look into doing it safely if you do decide to try it, mattress on the floor is a good idea once they're moving.

dantdmistedious · 03/03/2018 18:02

Do you have the time in your break to go home, feed the baby and get back to work?

If yes, it's fuck all to do with the manager and I wouldn't even have said anything.

If not then there is an issue.

minipie · 03/03/2018 18:05

^this

If it fits within your break then it's not your manager's business, and nor is how many times you're up in the night, unless you can no longer manage your work to the required standard. (I have been up in the night x1000s with my two DC despite night weaning at 7/8 months, there are plenty of other reasons for babies to wake up sadly!)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/03/2018 18:10

Are you in the UK. If so what she said to you is illegal. No one can force you to give up breastfeeding. The Cheeky cow.
Do you have an HR department.

TheBrilliantMistake · 03/03/2018 18:14

Do you get paid for your break time? if you do, then your employer can place stipulations on where you can take your break. They are only legally obliged to offer 20 minutes break after a 6 hour work period.

Sweetpotatoaddict · 03/03/2018 18:21

There’s an interesting leaflet published by nhs Scotland about breastfeeding on return to work.
I was quite Shock about how far it suggested employers should go to accommodate breastfeeding women. I’ll see if I can find it online

ListsWonderfulLists · 03/03/2018 18:21

Yep - what dantdmistedious said. But just to reassure you. I went back to work at 6 months with a bottle-refusing baby and he was fine. I popped to nursery once a day to feed him in my break as you're suggesting but only needed to do that for the first couple of months as after that he was eating enough that he would cope fine all day (he'd make up for it at night but that's another story!) And you get used to the tiredness with work. Fed both my babies for 2 years and they both fed countless times during the night until they were at least a year. I coped by bed-sharing and my husband would get up early with them every morning so I could have an hour or two uninterrupted. So many people told me I wouldn't be able to cope but that was rubbish. Yes you're tired but that's just parenting I reckon ;-)

To make your life easier - have you tried a cup instead of a bottle? Both mine had sippy cups from 4 months on. They found them much easier than bottles.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/03/2018 18:29

It all depends on context.

If you are underperforming due to tiredness then your employer can start taking steps to address.

I can't imagine your break is perfectly timed with feed time so what I'm guessing is you plan to take your break when suits you and not the business. They have to let you express but they don't have to work your break to suit your personal needs.

TERFragetteCity · 03/03/2018 18:34

If you are underperforming due to tiredness then your employer can start taking steps to address

this was her first week back.

flumpybear · 03/03/2018 18:35

Sweet - just read a bit of that leaflet - special bond bit made me vomit slightly in my
Mouth .... so ff, mums who can't feed and dads don't bond ShockHmm

No t blaming you ... just observation of poor language

BuzzKillington · 03/03/2018 18:36

I work for a LA and way back in 2003 I went back to work, 2 days a week and was given the exclusive use of a room to express.

My son was 11 months old and refused to take a bottle.

They were very accommodating. Not sure if it would have actually extended to going off and feeding him though.

ElectricWhale · 03/03/2018 18:36

I'm a fully paid up member of militant breastfeeding club, but I still think it depends on context how the manager said whatever was said.

If it was a chitchat about how tiring parenting is, and manager said in few words that she thinks you'll struggle to continue feeding before moving to talk about a billion other things: that's just an unwanted opinion. I would shrug that off.

The way OP wrote I can't tell if it was a more like a formal moment of manager putting actual pressure on OP to quit. Pressure to quit would be very out of order.

It sounds on balance like a comment to document & otherwise completely ignore unless they mention their opinion again. Friend (worked for police) had her husband bring baby up for feeding every day. There's usually a way.

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