Manager says I need to give up Breast Feeding

[Notmorewashing]

I don’t think I am BU.

This week was my first week back at work. My baby son is not much over 6 months and EBF, trying to introduce formula for the daytime but not going well and he refused it while I was on mat leave even though I tried numerous time.

I’m not totally obsessed with BF but think it is best and why would you not give the baby a chance at the best start.

In my first meeting back my manager said I need to give up as otherwise it will interfere with my work. I mentioned I am still feeding 4 x a night so quite tired and that I may have my break to go and feed the baby rather than pump at work. I work for the local authority, if you try and escalate things nothing is done it’s “down to managers discretion” what can I do ? There is no proof she said this as it was face to face.

Due to the snow I worked from home mon-thurs this week but next week I may need to go home to feed the baby.

Worried that anything going wrong at work will be put down to me being unfit due to home situation then sacked.

Has anyone managed ?

Sweet - just read a bit of that leaflet - special bond bit made me vomit slightly in my
Mouth .... so ff, mums who can't feed and dads don't bond

There is a different bond with BF though and I say that as someone who FF 2 babies and only BF 1. Not better not worse just different. Your baby 100% relies on you as it’s food source, you need them so you don’t explode. I bonded equally well with my 3 children, so it’s nit that, but no question the feeding bond is different with BF.

Nit=not

What did you propose to your manager? If she understands that you're asking to go home every 3 hours to BF, this may be why she's raising concerns? Are you saying you'd do this once a day?

As I understand it, my work have to provide a place to express but I'm not sure how that comes into productivity. I work in a role where we have a set number of things to do per day so I'd assume I'd have to work late to still do the same number of tasks if I went to express every few hours as I only get a lunch break in my job. I really don't know how it works from that point of view although DC is FF so I've not researched it.

I think it was unnecessary and some may feel inflammatory, to point out that you're giving your baby "the best start" by BF, any parent who ensures their baby is fed sufficiently whether formula/BF or mixture is giving them the best start.

I was getting 5 hours broken sleep a night when my ds was 8! (He has asd). I'm a LP. Yes, I was knackered. But my quality of work remained the same and I adjusted my family life to have a balance. Not working wasn't an option because I'm single.

Your managers an arse. Although I'm not sure I'd have mentioned I may be tired due to night waking because you are effectively telling them you may not be as effective as otherwise.

Breast feeding policy and referring to it is a must.

There’s some absolute bullshit comments on this thread. Would any manager ever address concerns about a man being ‘tired at work’? No, one would ever think to ask if they get a full 8 hours. This is sexism, but that’s not the main issue at hand. Follow Mouikey’s advice. Good luck OP and I hope you manage to continue what you feel is right for you and your baby.

And I’ve known many women up through the night with babies that have highly successful and responsible jobs, funnily enough their work has never ‘suffered’. Don’t people trust women to address the issue themselves if they get to a point where tiredness might affect their daily lives/jobs?

Hi OP, I agree with all the pp saying that your manager can’t say that. I went back to work ft when my DD was 7mo. It felt really young and I found it difficult. She was still waking up multiple times a night and it was tiring, however I co-slept which made it a bit easier. I tried expressing at work but found it logistically too challenging as I work across multiple sites. So in the day she had water and food and then I fed in demand over night. She’s now 14mo and wakes once a night for a feed and she’s thriving. Carrying on bfing was so important to me to maintain that bond. I really hope you manage to find a way to make this work for you. It will get easier!

If it isn't interfering with your work, it's none of her business.

I think you’ve had quite a lot of advice from folk about how to deal with your manager. Obviously she can’t tell you to stop bfing, whatever her motivation.

I did night wean when I returned to work at 7 months as I couldn’t do both, the tiredness was too much for me.

Is your baby refusing bottles/ cups or refusing formula? Because if it's a bottle or cup- refusing situation, expressing at work is nearly pointless and you will soon be able to phase it out if you are only doing it for comfort reasons. Your body will get used to the times of feeding. Increased feeds at night is v common in the initial return to work phase and will be much less tiring if you co-sleep or have the cot beside you and feed lying down.

None of your manager’s business how you sleep at night.

I was lucky enough to get 9 months off work with my two. When I returned to work I informed work I would pump once per day during my lunch break (which I did).

The only person who gets a say in when you stop breastfeeding is you.

Legally your manager can’t ask or tell you to stop. Legally your manager must also provide facilities to express or pump.

If you’re using your lunch break to nurse your baby then that doesn’t interfere with your work. Most definitely check with your union or seek legal advice if your manager remains unreasonable

There is an organisation called Maternity Action. Go onto their website or call their helpline.

What a lot of rubbish about bf during the night not being necessary. It is normal and healthy for a baby to do this (and toddlers too!). It's also a lovely way to reconnect after being at Work. I went back to work at 12m and bf through the night and slept with my baby (still do at 2yo). If you bedshare then the bf is less tiring as you don't need to get up and can snooze through it. Everyone is different and this is what works for us, and hopefully the OP too if you choose to.

Absolutely yellow it is a special bond, and a mutual reliance baby on you for milk and you on baby for relief from overfull breasts. Nothing to do with bonding of mother’s who breast feed compared to those who formula feed.

I haven't read the log so this may have been said already. When you came back from maternity leave HR should have been in contact with various information annual leave etc etc and one of them should have been their policy on BF. My place of work for example has a room and fridge dedicated. I am local authority.

Your manager is a jerk your doing a wonderful thing carry on to hell with him.

sweetpotato there is absolutely nothing wrong with that leaflet, in fact it's ruddy lovely to see.
Perhaps if more authorities released publications like that the BF rate would be higher and we wouldn't see posts like the OP's anymore.

Not a member of a union maybe should join?

I don't think anyone can afford NOT to be in a union these day tbh.

Don't see how a union can help you in this (or any situation imo they are a total waste of money especially in a LA setting where you have a very robust hr environment) and I also think she's hardly demanded you give up either.

Context is key here I think maybe speak to HR about your circumstances and a workable way forward re: day time feeding but in terms of night feeds and wake ups it's none of their business

Your manager has no right to tell you need to give up breastfeeding. They must provide a place for you to either breast-feed (if baby can be brought to you) or express and then store the milk.

They can't stop you doing whatever you want during your break, as long as you don't take more than you're allocated time. Will you manage to get home/nursery and back to work in the allocated time? Assuming you can, then it really isn't any of your managers business whether you feed or not.

They may be able to say you must take your breaks between certain time (i.e. not whenever you want), depending on your duties. I don't know if they have to give you time to express/feed whenever you want or if you get a set amount of time per day.

I'd speak to HR and clarify what your rights are/what your workplace's policy is, and explain what your manager said. I think you would probably be able to raise a grievance if she did actually say "you need to stop breastfeeding".

They can’t stop you from expressing at work.

Did you explain that you would go home on lunch break to feed the baby? Or does your manager think you going home on company time to feed the baby?

I would advise at 6 months to keep feeding but evenings only - your supply will regulate and at that age they start a few solids

Many women manage to do evenings only for quite a while

I take my hat off to anyone that expresses but I feel the stress and hassle is too bloody much at that age !

Some great advice here. When someone I manage asked me about expressing at work I said, “you can use the kitchen which has a lock if you want to use it. Do you want me to tell the rest of the team that you will be using the fridge.”

My babies caught up at night. It’s not unusual. They are all big now. It goes quickly.

Now I can’t sleep because of the bloody menopause and I’m probably more tired than ever

The tiredest person I have ever managed was the dad of refluxy twins. He was out on his feet. We just cut him some slack.

OP - a few of us have asked exactly what you have proposed to your manager regarding when you intend to go on your break and feed your baby, but you haven't responded....?