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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager says I need to give up Breast Feeding

123 replies

Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 16:58

I don’t think I am BU.

This week was my first week back at work. My baby son is not much over 6 months and EBF, trying to introduce formula for the daytime but not going well and he refused it while I was on mat leave even though I tried numerous time.

I’m not totally obsessed with BF but think it is best and why would you not give the baby a chance at the best start.

In my first meeting back my manager said I need to give up as otherwise it will interfere with my work. I mentioned I am still feeding 4 x a night so quite tired and that I may have my break to go and feed the baby rather than pump at work. I work for the local authority, if you try and escalate things nothing is done it’s “down to managers discretion” what can I do ? There is no proof she said this as it was face to face.

Due to the snow I worked from home mon-thurs this week but next week I may need to go home to feed the baby.

Worried that anything going wrong at work will be put down to me being unfit due to home situation then sacked.

Has anyone managed ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 17:19

Thanks, concern seems to be up in the night and also having to express/ feed. I would be able to feed him within 45 mins and this is my allocated break if I did this.

Not a member of a union maybe should join ?

Yes I am tired but no guarantee the baby will sleep even if I went back age 10 months? Need two incomes to not be scraping by which is why I am back now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 17:19

I got the impression she thinks that It’s more that with formula someone else can deal with him

OP posts:
Yellowshadeofgreen · 03/03/2018 17:19

I was BF DS after going back to work. I had a stash of BM for the early weeks built up from my 5 months of ML. (Non Uk so shorter leave)

Tbh I never really got on with pumping at work so I just pumped to relieve fullness and dumped until I got my supply regularised. Then DS reverse cycled, eating solids during day once he started them the and BF during the night while I slept. All worked really well. I (DH) night weaned him at about 15 months and he BF morning and evening (and weekends) for another year after.

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 03/03/2018 17:20

Pretty sure workplaces must by law support breastfeeding, including giving you somewhere to express and store breast milk.

Acas will advise. Or Unison.

Original poster
Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 17:23

I am in the UK, positive that others have managed to go back and BF.

It doesn’t encourage women at all to have their own career I agree just feel like should we scrape by and I stay at home but that’s not what I want from my life.

OP posts:
CritterPants · 03/03/2018 17:23

Hi Notmore, I am also about to go back to work full time with a just turned six month old baby (am in the US where everyone thinks I have had a super long mat leave Hmm ). I went back at seven months last time and my manager was shocked by the amount of time I needed to express (three times, each taking about 25 minutes including time to wash the pump parts, set up, shut down my computer etc). I think bosses often don’t understand what is involved in going back to work with a young baby. Everyone else has given excellent advice but I just wanted to add, you haven’t done anything wrong, this is just very hard, and you’re doing brilliantly.

Thechatnicknameyourequested · 03/03/2018 17:24

Practical things first: if your baby is eating and drinking water, I’m pfetty sure you can let them “catch up” with breast milk later, when you’re together. You can definitely do this with slightly older babies, and in fact many refuse a bottle anyway and will set this pattern for themselves. Best check with lalecheleague if you can do this with a 6 month old. Of course that would mean more feeding at night which, unless you’re cosleeping, would also mean more lost sleep. You might also still need to pump for comfort, even if you’re not trying to get enough for the baby.

BUT, these things aside, I’m also pretty sure your manager has stepped over the mark there. As pp have said, I think grounds for a complaint to union or similar. Smacks of discrimination to me. Def gets some guidance from legal but I think she’s on very dangerous grounds...

Lalliella · 03/03/2018 17:26

You shouldn’t be BFing 4x a night if your baby is 6 months, that seems to be more of a comfort thing than a necessity. You need to try and reduce/eliminate that OP, you’ll wear yourself out. I went back to work when DS was 8 months old, I would BF him A LOT in the evening so he’d sleep through, BF again in the morning, then send him to nursery with a bottle of expressed milk for him to have early afternoon. I’d then take a late lunch break from work, pop home to express and put it in the freezer for the next day. Did this till he was 13 months.

OlennasWimple · 03/03/2018 17:26

Hang on - are you saying that you would wait for nursery / CM to call you to say that your baby needs to be fed, and you would then take your break, leave the office and go and feed, then return? But you won't know when that it is going to be each day? Confused

Argeles · 03/03/2018 17:26

What the actual fuck!!! Your manager is a complete cunt.

Your employer has a responsibility I believe to ensure that you have time, and a suitable place at work in which to express milk if need be (this is how it is for Teachers anyway). I assume, and hope that it’s like this for all women in all work places.

Please tell me that you belong to a union? Tell them exactly what you’ve been told.

And definitely do what TERFragettecity advised you to do.

I cannot believe the audacity of this ‘manager.’ What a complete disgrace they are!

TheBrilliantMistake · 03/03/2018 17:26

www.nct.org.uk/parenting/returning-work-and-breastfeeding

A good resource for information.

herecomesthsun · 03/03/2018 17:29

I have 2 kids, went back after 7m with no 1 and after 1 y with no 2. I did extended breastfeeding. I did buy a fancy pump, but didn't get on with it, so I just fed at night. They both really really loved it and didn't want to completely stop (they have now!) but it wasnt that difficult in the end.

See also Helena Morrissey, admittedly she is exceptional, who had 9 kids, a very high flying job, and breastfed them all.

Mouikey · 03/03/2018 17:29

Local authority worker and union rep here...

Sadly if your not in the union they are unlikely to be able to represent you, but it’s definitely worth a discussion with a rep so that they know this has happened. While they may not be able to formally represent you (if your not currently a member), there are other avenues that they can raise it (most unions have regular meetings with employers to discuss policies and issues).

I would absolutely go to HR on Monday (or when you are next in) to a) get a copy of the maternity/breast feeding policy and b) clearly explain what was said by your manager and state that you are considering your options as to whether you wish to take it further (I.e. to a grievance). It won’t take long for them to talk to your manager and clearly explain to her that her suggestion is utterly illegal.

Additionally there should be somewhere for you to feed baby or express - in our place it is the first aid room. Ask HR what facilities they have.

As an aside I’d strongly suggest you join the union ASAP, sounds like you are in for a bumpy time with your manager.

Makingworkwork · 03/03/2018 17:30

You shouldn’t be BFing 4x a night if your baby is 6 months, that seems to be more of a comfort thing than a necessity.

Breast feeding is about comfort. My ff 6 month old regularly feed 4 times a night. We coslept so it was not about comfort. If OP is recently returned to work I would expect her baby to need more breast milk on a night time and want for comfort too.

DullAndOld · 03/03/2018 17:31

when I was breastfeeding and went back to work for a political party that shall remain nameless, I had to express in the toilet...:(

Original poster
Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 17:31

Yes I know I “shouldn’t” be but it’s not that easy !!!

Thanks for the advice so far

OP posts:
Mouikey · 03/03/2018 17:32

As an aside I also have a 19 month old and bf over night (sometimes 3 or 4 times) and am now used to the night disturbances so it matters not one jot to my productivity at work.

guinnessguzzler · 03/03/2018 17:32

What everyone else said. Go to www.maternityaction.org.uk

They have an advice line you can call too.

divafever99 · 03/03/2018 17:34

I wasn't breastfeeding my daughter when I went back to work (she had just turned 1) but In my return to work interview my manager did ask and they would have had to make reasonable allowances if I was. As for the waking at night, I can still sometimes be up several times a night and she's 2.5 now, it's exhausting but surely that is just life with small children, breastfed or not. Hope it works out for you op.

Lweji · 03/03/2018 17:35

The comment was obviously uncalled for, but they won't know what you do at home and you should be able to be as good as any other worker at work.
If you are too tired, then you should either take leave, extend ML, or address how many times you wake up at night, BF or not.

This was the problem, and you created, I'm afraid
I mentioned I am still feeding 4 x a night so quite tired
It's not your work's problem. You shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place.

gallicgirl · 03/03/2018 17:35

Hey Lalliella, stop making life difficult for other moms. Not all babies have the same routine and some regularly feed through the night. 6 months is still tiny and 4 times a night is not unreasonable.
Weaning to solids has only just begun and they won't be taking much in so still need milk as a principle source of nutrition. Added to that, babies might reverse cycle when mum goes back to work. I know my 9 month old took hardly any milk during the day and increased nursing at night.

Blueskyrain · 03/03/2018 17:36

Your manager shouldn't be pushing you to give up breastfeeding, but I can see why they are concerned. Getting up 4 times a night to feed, and then spending the entirety of your break each day travelling, feeding then travelling is not conducive to full time work really. I mean, you probably wouldnt even get lunch. You'd be knackered and starving, and your concentration is likely to be all over the shop.

Lweji · 03/03/2018 17:36

And, I breastfed to over a year old and did have to wake up at night.

NiniTheMouse · 03/03/2018 17:37

You can email you manager noting your recollection and understanding of what was said the meeting and inviting them to correct anything they disagree with in your note (and so give them a chance to back out of anything verging on the illegal they said.)

There's an ACAS guidance leaflet. Apparently they have to give you somewhere to rest and lie down. They also have to consider a request (whether to feed at work, change your day to have more breaks to pop out, or to express) objectively.

TheBrilliantMistake · 03/03/2018 17:38

There is no legal requirement to allow for a breastfeeding break.

They should however be attempting to accommodate your needs as best they can (and should demonstrate what steps they've taken, or assessed).

Try to remain calm and reasonable with them at all times and talk with HR in an open manner. HR will be more careful than the person who's told you that you need to 'give up' breastfeeding. They'll not be happy that someone's told you that.