Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Manager says I need to give up Breast Feeding

123 replies

Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 16:58

I don’t think I am BU.

This week was my first week back at work. My baby son is not much over 6 months and EBF, trying to introduce formula for the daytime but not going well and he refused it while I was on mat leave even though I tried numerous time.

I’m not totally obsessed with BF but think it is best and why would you not give the baby a chance at the best start.

In my first meeting back my manager said I need to give up as otherwise it will interfere with my work. I mentioned I am still feeding 4 x a night so quite tired and that I may have my break to go and feed the baby rather than pump at work. I work for the local authority, if you try and escalate things nothing is done it’s “down to managers discretion” what can I do ? There is no proof she said this as it was face to face.

Due to the snow I worked from home mon-thurs this week but next week I may need to go home to feed the baby.

Worried that anything going wrong at work will be put down to me being unfit due to home situation then sacked.

Has anyone managed ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 20:34

Thanks all for the advice. Think manager is just ignorant to BF mums and what it entails. She did it for a few weeks with her 3 baby’s then gave up. She thinks FF means sleeping all night and then not tired for work. My performance has not reduced as I am only just back.

In pregnancy a lot of women have sleepless nights... I did but nothing is said.

Baby refuses bottle and cup in evenings / night times but will take it even from me during the day.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notmorewashing · 03/03/2018 20:35

Lunchbreak to go home is not an issue it’s an unpaid break. It’s more the inconvenience of this / having to express that she is not happy with.

OP posts:

Alannahpickaver · 03/03/2018 20:36

I work for a local authority and i am still breastfeeding, my manager is happy for my son to be brought in to be fed and this is not considered my break. If I had to leave in my break to feed him, that would be fine too.
Our policy states I can have time to feed my baby but doesnt state where and i must be provide with time to express and somewhere to store my milk.
I empathise too, my son still wakes my up 2-5 times a night and it is hard going.
I would question your manager and talk to HR.

Laquila · 03/03/2018 20:43

At 6 months, there is really no such as thing as “should be” in terms of night routine, or lack of it.

I went back to the office two days a week (plus one day WFH) at 8 months and continued to bf until 19 months. I just overcompensated a bit on the days I was with my son, and fed first thing in the morning and last thing at night on the other days. This wouldn’t work for everyone, of course, but by point is that you might be able to avoid expressing at work (if you want) sooner than you think. Good luck.

SleepyOnTheSofa · 03/03/2018 20:50

I'm so sorry OP that you aren't getting the support you need. If you worked for me you would.

When DS was small and wasn't sleeping a Manager who was 2 grades above me - who had no children as she frequently told us minions that her career was her first priority - suggested that I drug him. Seriously. With anti-travel sickness medication that made DC sleepy. I can't remember the name of it now. Apparently one of my colleagues effectively drugged her DC every night so she could work longer hours. Stupid me tried it once and his reaction to it scared me so much I never did it again.

I'm now two grades more senior than that Manager was when she retired - yep that decision to not have a husband/family to build a career worked out well - and would never, ever suggest that anyone who worked for me should do anything like this. It's awful.

I can't offer any advice, lots of people here are, but I just wanted you to know that not all managers are total knobheads.

WineIsMyMainVice · 03/03/2018 20:51

My advice would be to put together a very carefully worded email to your boss (and consider copying in their manager or HR) saying how disappointed you were after your meeting when they seemed to express their lack of support for you to bf your baby.

I would then go on to explain how you intend to work your hours, or make up the lost time, and what impact that will or will not have on your job. I would finish by offering to meet with them to discuss the matter further and asking for a response at their very earliest convenience.
As pp have said, you have the right to time off to feed or pump. Your manager needs to understand this. I would also recommend a call to acas.
The purpose of putting it all in writing is t9 cover you and in the hope of getting a response from them.
Good luck.

Fairenuff · 03/03/2018 20:51

Lunchbreak to go home is not an issue it’s an unpaid break.

So, there's not actual problem then?

UpstartCrow · 03/03/2018 20:56

How do people manage to get the role of Manager without having the first clue?

Inertia · 03/03/2018 21:00

You have the right to express milk at work, and they need to provide a clean, private room (not a toilet) for you to express, and clean chilled storage.

If your break is unpaid, there shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't go out to feed your baby and get back in time to work (unless your contract forbids you from going off-site?)

I agree with a previous poster- I would email manager and relevant HR person asking for a copy of your employer's policy on provision for breastfeeding mothers. That way you're not accusing your manager of anything that she could deny , but you are making it clear that you intend to carry on breastfeeding and to exercise your legal rights which enable you to do so- and it might also ring a gentle warning bell for HR to keep an eye.

If it's a local authority they won't want to fall foul of their legal obligations.

SnookieSnooks · 03/03/2018 21:16

Call NCT Breastfeeding Helpline. The people there know absolutely everything there is to know related breastfeeding. It’s feee to call.

Snowmagedon · 03/03/2018 21:34

What an invasive and rude conversation. I will be staggered if this isn't illegal in itself I found bf to be a private affair and very personal.

OlennasWimple · 03/03/2018 21:58

If your break is unpaid, there shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't go out to feed your baby and get back in time to work (unless your contract forbids you from going off-site?)

OP still hasn't said whether she is planning to feed her baby to a schedule or intends to take her lunch break when someone phones to say that her baby is hungry. The former seems unrealistic, and the latter seems unlikely to work in many work places, where it's not as simple as just standing up and declaring that you are going for lunch now

missymayhemsmum · 03/03/2018 22:09

Can you really combine EBF and full time work? Yes, you have rights and should insist on them- but also reassure your manager that it won't be forever, you will need flexibility for a few weeks/ months while you get your baby settled into the new routine. Maybe use leave to work shorter hours to begin with?

Though if you pop home in the day you are just going to make life harder for whoever has to look after your bottle-refusing baby the rest of the time. If you are going to work full time he is going to have to take a bottle or cup, whether expressed or formula, and as you say he's starting to do this. But he'll probably respond by wanting more night feeds initially.

Your manager is not being unreasonable to expect that your mind is on the job, sorry, which is really hard when you are worrying about your baby. It will get easier.

Yellowshadeofgreen · 04/03/2018 11:46

Can you really combine EBF and full time work?

6month old babies are weaned or weaning so it is not EBF at that stage. But yes to answer your question, tonnes of American women have almost no ML and they have much higher rates of BF than the UK. Women pump at work all of the time there.

I BF while working from 6 months and the baby reverse cycled once all my expressed milk was used up. All perfectly doable and not as much hassle as you envisage. I certainly would not have dreamed it was possible until I did it.

Original poster

Notmorewashing · 04/03/2018 21:16

I can take my lunch break whenever aslong as I don’t have any meetings.

A lot of people around the world go back after 3 months especially when BF. UK is quite the norm to be off for a year I think.

Thanks for the helpline I will call.

OP posts:

citynewsreporter · 21/02/2019 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sweatybettee · 21/02/2019 09:22

This thread is a year old.

NCjustforthisthread · 21/02/2019 09:24

🧟‍♀️

MaryShelley1818 · 21/02/2019 09:25

ZOMBIE THREAD...

Juells · 21/02/2019 09:41

citynewsreporter
Are there any mums on this thread willing to speak to me about expressing milk at work? Urgent!! Thank you

"because I was supposed to have an article ready for Saturday and haven't started writing it yet"

😂

Knittedfairies · 21/02/2019 09:51

There's an article about expressing at work in today's i...

IncrediblySadToo · 21/02/2019 09:53

ZOMBIE

I DO wish MN would reinstate the warning at the TOP of the bloody thread 😖

DanielRicciardosSmile · 21/02/2019 09:57

In the words of the Cranberries, ZOMBIE

Flip

1 2 3 4 5