To be really surprised that UK women were able to get maternity leave & pay, and abortion rights?

[SonicVersusGynaephobia]

I, of course, 100% think they should have them.

But women in the UK at the moment just seem so irrelevant. Women suffering seems to not matter to anyone in power.

Examples such as
-Still having a gender pay gap and equal pay issues.

-Trans Activism getting rid of all women-only spaces and services, many of which are needed for women's safety. Women not even being allowed to discuss this. Women who try being threatened with rape and murder, and no political party calling any of this out.

-Rape convictions. I mean holy fucking Christ, how awful is that Ulster Rugby rape trial that is going on at the moment? The way the victim is being treated is harrowing. The burden of proof the prosecution needs "guilty beyond all reasonable doubt", is just impossible in a 1:1 scenario, nevermind when there are 4 of them, and none of them even have to take the stand to give evidence in case they all trip each other up, because not one of their stories match

-Lenient sentences for men convicted of serious domestic violence.

-Obstetrics and Gynaecology care - women being made to give birth without pain relief, getting poor pain relief afterwards, and being made to have a vaginal birth when they really don't want to. Being ignored when in labour. Then the issues they need to deal with afterwards, incontinence, pain, prolapses, sexual disfunction, etc.

-Welfare cuts massively disproportionately affecting women. Poorer women. And therefore children.

-Pathetic Child Maintenance Service and the loopholes that allow men to not bother.

There are others. These are just the few bothering me this morning.

So truly, I cannot believe how successful feminists a few decades ago were at getting us the rights that many people are still so angry about us having (eg abortions). I'm amazed they were able to get enough traction to have their voices heard, and actually listened to, and laws implemented to protect women, in spite of so many men being so, so against it.

I feel it would never happen today. Despite women apparently having it better than ever. I'm completely in awe of how they managed to get us the rights they did. I feel so inadequate in comparison, that my voice for protecting women is so ineffectual, no matter how I try.

I wonder why it is mostly female midwives who treat fellow women so badly ? My midwife decided I wasn't pushing hard enough for her liking so stopped my pain relief (remi-fentenyl sic) without telling me, I have never felt pain like it, luckily the registrar was close by to examine me, inform her that ds's chin was flexed and he was never coming out and rushed me off for emergency cs.

Has anyone had a bad experience from a male midwife ?

A midwife tried to take the gas and air off me for pushing. I'd had no other pain relief and refused, clinging onto it for dear life. She started getting really cross and wasn't taking no for an answer. Thankfully the other (lovely) midwife stepped in and told her to drop it and leave me to carry on with it. As it were I pushed my baby out absolutely fine with no issue, the gas and air made the experience a thousand times more bearable and less traumatic.

I've never had any experience full stop with a male midwife. Google says there are only 188 registered with the NMC!

It's certainly the case, though, that many of the loudest voices in the pro natural childbirth ideology have been male. Grantly Dick-Read, the Sears lot, Fernand Lamaze, Michael Odent.

I’m currently pregnant with my second. Both pregnancies Ive had HG. My experience in the first ended up with me developing severe postnatal ocd and pnd. I was ignored, belittled and lied to.

Sickness is normal (but I’m vomiting thirty times a day doctor..?) you just have to put up with it (ok I’m just going to be sick in your bin, don’t worry, entirely normal!) and the thing that finally made me snap: there is nothing we can give you safely.
No there is mate. I know there is.
Oh but there isn’t - you wouldn’t understand
Look , I’m a scientist. I’ve got a PhD background in developmental genetics and I develop drugs for a living. Let’s talk about treatment options shall we?
Well if you’re going to be like that..
... I am, because I’m suffering. Treat me.,

The sheer reluctance to treat - there are women on the HG boards who are being denied just fluids through IV because ‘they can keep tiny sips down.’ Its horrific. Dh said about a thousand times to me - men would never put up with this, if I was a fraction as sick as you they’d be all over me, I’d be in hospital with a drip in.

I’ve now changed to a private midwife clinic and the difference is astounding. Respectful treatment, clear treatment plan, correct drug ladder tried, fluids offered. Support offered. It’s not rocket science - the guidelines are there and they are simple to follow. The misogynistic attitude that pregnancy complications are to be bourne without help is responsible for Christ knows how much morbidity down the line. Depression, time off work, lasting health impacts - all has a huge personal and economic toll.

I wonder why it is mostly female midwives who treat fellow women so badly

Almost all midwifes are women so thats rather a silly question.

The birth of my first DC was fantastic. Excellent care, got every pain relief going. Amazing.

Then I dared to have DC2 on a bank holiday.
Fucking joke

Thank you beetlejizz for not belittling my silly question.

I gave birth in a public hospital in southern Europe where we were living at the time.

There was no gas and air even if you wanted it. Episiotomy was routinely given without anaesthetic (I had one). It turned out that I had placenta percreta but they tried very vigorously to remove it manually without any pain relief. That was 10 times more painful than giving birth. I eventually had to have a hysterectomy as otherwise I would have bled to death.

I know that was not the UK but to me just emphasises how women are treated when giving birth as if it is somehow "different" to other medical procedures.

Xenn - your hospital sounds good. I was criticised for taking oramorph less than 18 hours post c section. I was told I should just be having paracetamol.

Anatidae, I had similar from a rheumatologist while breastfeeding. "There's nothing we can give you until you stop". Actually, I've spoken to the leading pharmacological breastfeeding expert in the uk, as (thanks to mn) I knew you'd say that. She says x is fine. "Well, it's entirely up to you if you want to risk it ..."

**I also have experience of having a C section and being denied pain relief afterwards. I was given a couple of paracetamol

I asked for something stronger and got a load of gaslighting shit from the midwife about the fact that, oh dear, I didn't seem to be coping, and didn't I know that I wouldn't be able to take my baby home until I'd demonstrated that I could cope? This was less than 24 hours after my c-section. I'm a single mum and I was scared that someone would take my baby away from me if I wasn't coping, so I shut up.

Oh, and I didn't even get paracetamol until two hours after I'd asked, because I was told they needed to serve breakfast first.

@BeyondDeadlySiren

Anatidae, I had similar from a rheumatologist while breastfeeding. "There's nothing we can give you until you stop". Actually, I've spoken to the leading pharmacological breastfeeding expert in the uk, as (thanks to mn) I knew you'd say that. She says x is fine. "Well, it's entirely up to you if you want to risk it ..."

I take various medications for arthritis and autoimmune conditions and was really take aback by how much medication advice changed between my first pregnancy (2014) and last one (2017). The first time round I was told not to take anything and last time almost all the drugs I was taking were deemed safe throughout and essential for me to stay on. I didn’t want to stay on them but almost felt I would be accused of being over dramatic if I came off of them for my own peace of mind. So even though I had the opposite experience to you, I still felt the same in that my views weren’t taken into account.