Is anyone up ?

[lovemynewflowers]

Just had a call from my mum saying she wants to die , she can't see , the Care home don't understand her needs, she's in so much pain everywhere and she just wants to end it all.

Dm is in Care Home due to a brain tumour diagnosed July 2016 , and in final stages now (probably 1-2 months left approx).

What do I do? Should I go in to see her right now? I am 10 mins in Good driving conditions , but it's snowy out and even though it's a town some areas aren't gritted but I do have a 4x4. I have rung her Care home and they are going in to check on her.

HELP

I'd wait to see what the care home says, stay calm

What did the home say when you phoned?

Other than pain relief what else does she need / want?

I'm so sorry. I would probably go and check on her myself. Will the care home even let you in at this time though?

Hello, I'm up. That must be so distressing for you. I wouldn't head straight over if you've had a response and they're checking on your poor mum. Can you go later if it's safe to drive and talk to someone about your mum's pain relief?

I agree, speak to the home. Ask them kindly to look in on her frequently until morning. Would they keep you updated if you asked? Make your decision based on their assessment.

My heart goes out to you both.

They said they would go and check on her but no idea if they will ring me back or not.
I'm pretty sure she has diamorphine on her meds chart so hopefully they will up that. She has millions of bruises from falls and I understand that she is in pain but I don't know what to do to help her.

I would see if the care home can alleviate her pain/settle her. Does she understand the weather situation; I am sure she would not want to put you at risk but just wanted to reach out to you. Would you feel happier going when it's light. Sending you best wishes, what a horrible situation .

Wait at least until daylight before going out to see Mum as you know the care home are checking in her. Will they call you back?
What an awful time for both of you xx

I think I will wait for them to ring me , I don't want to agitate her.

I’m so sorry . Going forward can you discuss with her doctor if she’s in the best place for her needs. I’m just wondering if there are any hospice places which might be suitable?
Other than that it’s such a difficult time for you all, I really don’t know what else you can do.

I’m so sorry, that’s really hard for you
I would be going to see her this morning but not possibly at 6am. You probably need to talk to Day staff not night staff, as well as your mum. Go over for 8.30?

I would go over as soon as it was safe to do so, speak with the dr and spend some time with her.

Would it be ok to ring the Care home now do you think? For an update?

Yes, I would ring.

I will sit with you and hold your hand. I will listen and help you to make calming loving decisions. I want to to arrive safely when you decide to go and to be positive with your lovely mum.

I would go if they would let you in at this time. I would phone to check.
Your Mum may need a doctor if she is in so much pain.

Ring them back if it will reassure you, what a terribly hard situation, my heart goes out to you both. I think you should wait until it’s lighter to drive as the last thing your mum would want is you having an accident. I agree with PP who said to talk to dr and see if pain meds can be reviewed.

What ever you do just keep calm and drive safely x

Definitely ring. I know it depends on where you are in the country as to how bad the snow is but where we are I wouldn’t be driving in it. Could you walk at a push? What time would they let you in to see her?

Ring. Then go. If she's called you she wants you there. Your poor mum.

I'd ring them back. Then speak to your mum.

I rang them and they had checked her and found her in a low mood , depressed etc.
She was saying "I can choose whether to die or not" she obviously can't , and then that she didn't want a drink or anything like that.
The person I spoke to didn't know her case really so didn't understand my mums issue with sight (Tumour has caused her to be basically blind).
They said not to come in now but later on if I want to as it's not urgent.

I want to talk to my mum but worried if I ring her it will just add fuel to the fire iyswim

Did they give her more painkillers?

Your poor mum.

Ring her , she is scared and lonely . Agree with her that it’s a horrible thing to be going through . Tell her you love her and will get to her soon .
Ask her dr if she is in the best place for end of life care. It might not be urgent from the carer’s point of view but in the dark of the night and soul it’s important to your mum.