Is anyone up ?

[lovemynewflowers]

Just had a call from my mum saying she wants to die , she can't see , the Care home don't understand her needs, she's in so much pain everywhere and she just wants to end it all.

Dm is in Care Home due to a brain tumour diagnosed July 2016 , and in final stages now (probably 1-2 months left approx).

What do I do? Should I go in to see her right now? I am 10 mins in Good driving conditions , but it's snowy out and even though it's a town some areas aren't gritted but I do have a 4x4. I have rung her Care home and they are going in to check on her.

HELP

I'm really sorry to hear that your DM is having such a hard time. Are you planning on heading back to see her this evening?

I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time. Can't offer any advice, but sending a virtual hand-hold.

I just went to see her and she was just quiet , had morphine, they said 1-2 weeks left now.
Kept saying sorry and that she didn't want me to see her like this.
Has now decided she definitely doesn't want to go to the hospice so I've just informed them to cancel the admission. Sigh.

Oh how awful for your poor mum and you.
Such a difficult time for her and you.

I'm sorry it must be so hard to know you are dying. Hope they manage to keep her comfortable.

Thank you for good wishes and

Keep strong

Oxygen about to come off and syringe driver put in , she's got a few hours left now. I am here with the baby , toddler is going for tea at someone's but I will stay til she goes.
Priest has just been in to pray which was nice.
She's comatose now. Very distressing for me but I've been telling her about what the children are up to , what we plan to do this year. Just general everyday stuff you would talk about with your Mum.

Aww bless you and her. I hope the next few hours are as gentle as possible.

I'm so sorry too. You're doing everything you can. I hope she slips away in peace.

So sorry. Hopefully she's comfortable and as distressing as it is for you, you can take comfort in knowing she has company as she slips away.

Oh my darling I’m so sorry.

Still hanging on and making slight grunting noises. Morphine and Anti convulsants meds are now being given to her.
Her family are all leaving in an hour so I'll be here alone with her , not looking forward to it if I'm honest.

It's very daunting. Are there staff easily to hand?

If you can try to think of it as helping her

I just saw this and just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I sat with my mother two years ago when she was dying and I was with her when she finally passed and, although it was very sad and hard at the time, I am so glad that I did it, for her and for myself.

I want to go so badly. My partner is here , and a family friend is coming too so maybe I'll just go home with the kids as I am exhausted and don't want to see her like this.

Why don't you take a break even for an hour or 2 while somebody else can sit with her?

I've had to just come home (am 10 mins drive) as couldn't cope any longer and had to take the toddler and baby home to bed.
She has my partner and a family friend with her for the night now.

I tried to go in to say goodbye to her but i just couldn't do it. She was so distressed.

It's really okay to do what you need to do x

One bit of good news is that both kids went to bed without fuss and I managed to get over £300 off my car insurance renewal. So all is not lost!

It's really okay to do what you need to do x
So true. So difficult to have to be strong all the time.

She is still alive, we will go there straight after nursery drop off, I have barely slept to be honest and feel like the walking dead right now.

Dear OP, I am sorry both your mum and yourself are going through this.
I have two suggestions.

1. Reasoning with your mum at the stage will not be helpful as she is unlikely to get your point (i.e her eye sight issues and the fact that you obviously unable to help). Just go with the flow.
2. There a medication that can be prescribed to help settle her down when distressed or agitated. They can be given at the nursing home. Ask if the community palliative care team can visit her in the home before their meetings based in her symptoms needs (pain, depression)