Is anyone up ?

[lovemynewflowers]

Just had a call from my mum saying she wants to die , she can't see , the Care home don't understand her needs, she's in so much pain everywhere and she just wants to end it all.

Dm is in Care Home due to a brain tumour diagnosed July 2016 , and in final stages now (probably 1-2 months left approx).

What do I do? Should I go in to see her right now? I am 10 mins in Good driving conditions , but it's snowy out and even though it's a town some areas aren't gritted but I do have a 4x4. I have rung her Care home and they are going in to check on her.

HELP

They're going to look at her pain relief options apparently. She doesn't volunteer information easily so you have to ask if she has pain and then she will tell you. It's a fine art!

Her sister is meant to be driving down from London today (we are in Cambridge) , hopefully M25 and M11 still passable.

Hope it all goes ok.

Yes it can be hard work eliciting information sometimes!

You poor thing and for DM. Sorry if i sound glib but is there anything that might help calm her? relaxing music, radio,audio books, smells (perfume/aromatherapy destress type stuff? something soft and snuggly (very soft fur/faux, a pashmina, silk scarf)?
As PP said is it worth exploring the hospice option. Handhold and .

I'd call and let her know you'll be over soon and will sort things out.

Practically, she should not be in pain, the doctor needs to prescribe something stronger. When my father was dying of cancer they always managed to keep his pain under control.

How much residual vision does she have left? Something simple like some audiobooks could bring a bit of extra quality to her life.

I think hospice won't happen as she is already in a care facility although both she and I would prefer her to Die in the lovely hospice we have locally.
I might press the gp for another referral though.

It's weird being called in the night to be told she wants to die.

Hopefully they sort the pain relief out. Must be a horrible situation. I'd phone her.

Trumpton makes a very good point if she is in the best place. Would a hospice be a better place for her?

I do want to ring but what if she's asleep again. Argh.

She'd probably sleep through if she's had more meds, try to get through. Does she know your sister is coming?

It's her sister , I'm an only - I think so but obviously plans are up in the air due to the weather this week so it's not a certainty.

Oh sorry, I misread!

She just rang again, saying they don't respect her (the staff) she wants a drink, she wants to end it as she is so bored of not being able to do anything.
I've tried to explain to her time and time again that I can't do anything to help her eyesight and that I will try and fast track the hospice but it's unlikely to work.

She's refused her pain meds and also is saying that she is going to have a fall deliberately to make them pay attention to her.
Jesus. I've asked for the on call doctor to come out today to see her.

Oh op how stressful and worrying for you! Have you contacted her sister to tell her

Her mother is going to call my dm's sister and tell her yes.

@lovemynewflowers

Maybe this website could give you some assistance
help.dyingmatters.org

Also, if you access directly the website of your local hospice, it may have referral information. I have seen some who talk about self referral or referral by family members. This could possibly be an option.

Thanks @EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard

I hope you get some help for your Mum love Awful situation she's in and obviously so stressful for you. Take care

What you are going through sounds horrible, poor you and your mum. How is she now?

On-call doctor came out whilst I was visiting her this morning. He assessed her and found her sats to be Low so she has been on oxygen all day. The care home hurriedly did an end of life care plan with me although they should've done that ages ago. The on call Helpfully said that he had never managed to get someone to into the hospice in 20 years but I have just received a phone call from one of the specialist nurses at the hospice saying that they are going to review her in the meeting on Monday and do a referral now.
She did keep saying contradictory things about her pain but they gave her some oral morphine.

So all in all a busy day, concluded with a phone call telling me my step grandmother died last night

Just read your update @lovemynewflowers I really hope you get your mum into the hospice. So sorry to hear about your step grandmother

Hopefully they manage to get her into the hospice. Glad the Doc was able to come out and offer some help.

Just had a call to say that she's gotten a lot worse in the last few hours, having trouble with her swallowing etc.

So sorry to hear of this, and your step-grandmother.

I'm sorry. Hope they manage to make her comfortable.