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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to stop sister's online hate campaign against me? It's progressed to sinister levels.

129 replies

snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:11

I have a difficult communication to compose to my mother about my abusive sister.

Briefly, my sister has kept a sustained online hate campaign against me for a few years now. My ex partner (father of my kids) joined in at one point too but his campaign was so strong Facebook took action against him.

2 years ago I asked my sister to halt else I'd have to involve police. Her response was to get the police to issue a PIN notice on me, making the exact claims that I would have made about her.

The difference being I have over 200+ screenshots of her actions, and she has zero of mine, because I don't retaliate. So the PIN was retaliatory.

I did call the police after that and they 'had a word' but didn't issue a PIN.

Two years later I've asked them to have a word again (no PIN) because she just won't stop.

That was about 2 weeks ago.
She's now progressed to using my real name in her public posts, and is convincing strangers (to me) that I am unhinged, mentally ill, manipulative, etc etc She is following almost word for word and actions the same script my ex partner worked from.

As online harassment is now a criminal offence not a civil one, the only option left to me is either a PIN notice or have her arrested. Our Mum won't intervene. Mum often collides with her, (my partner explained she probably feels guilty because she was physically and mentally abusive to me as a child) and it all seems to add up how everyone's behaving.

The 'projection' of my sister's behaviour onto me, claiming I am now harassing her, when it is actaully her. I don't write about her online, we have no contact. But she insists to strangers I am.

If I asked for her to be arrested and spoken to properly by police, she would probably do the same to me in retaliation as she did with the PIN notice.

My ex partner used to do this, police were called dozens of times on him, police would get there and he'd say, 'it's her, she's mentally ill, sorry to waste your time officers...' that sort of thing.
I went into A&E a couple of times with injuries of course I never said he did it, but he'd say the classic 'she walked into a door. She has one wonky eye so she can't see where she's going'.

Anyway, I need to compose a brief text to my Mum, pleading without sounding threatening, for her to once and for all convince my sister what she's doing is destructive, and that if she doesn't stop, she'd be arrested at this stage now.

They don't know that all this gives me massive anxiety, not depression I'm an upbeat person really, but I walk around wondering, yet again as I used to whenI was with my ex, if people believe her claims about me that I'm crazy or evil.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 02/03/2018 22:13

You dont. You don't stick your hand in the crazy and I'm afraid that means your mum by extension.

endofthelinefinally · 02/03/2018 22:14

Forget talking to your mother.
Just take all the screen shots to the police.

snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:16

Oops only half the post sent..

The rest is...

She may even have friends in common with me, mums of children at my kids' junior school, maybe even teachers, who are reading the lies she writes about me. I look around the playground at school runs wondering if other Mums think I'm a monster. This isn't a sibling spat, it is starting to cause me major distress. She has published posts 'its about time this town knew what you are really like',. It's getting sinister.

My sister is obsessed and I don't know what's driving it. My partner thinks it's envy. She is long term unemployed, her partner is odd and has a dubious history where he had a baby with a girl who was 13 when he was in his 30s, she lives in a run down council estate, she's about to be evicted, she bankrolls my mum so is always skint (she used to bankroll me and owes me lots of money but obviously I've let that slide), and yet...I only live in a modest suburban house, minimum wage job, self employed partner, we have two old bangers for cars, I was a single parent for many years (I left my ex when our youngest child was a newborn) so I've never had a charmed life.

I am just perplexed at what she's envious of, if that is the case. If a I knew what was driving her, maybe I could get her to stop all this.

Anyway, is anyone able to advise the sort of text I should send our Mum?
It needs to appeal to her sensibility, to once and for all get my sister to stop, before more serious police action is taken, yet not sound like a threat! She will show the text to my sister so it mustn't sound antagonistic otherwise sister will go straight onto her campaign and write god knows what about me.

Our ages by the way, we are in our late 40s. You'd think this doesn't happen to women of this age.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 02/03/2018 22:17

I don't think non ot will make a difference - don't bother

Call the police and take action

WorriedAndTired · 02/03/2018 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlibbertyGiblets · 02/03/2018 22:19

No. No text to your mum. She colludes, you've said that in your OP. There's no point. Take control back, and

FlibbertyGiblets · 02/03/2018 22:19

rid yourself of all of it once and for all.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 02/03/2018 22:21

Police all the way.

Pipsqueak11 · 02/03/2018 22:21

what makes you think that your mum is likley to assist in resolving this? surely she would have intervened by now if she had wished to
help sort out the problem ?
i think i would by pass her and go straight to the police to sort it. good luck - sounds horendous.sorry.

Queenoftheblitz · 02/03/2018 22:22

Advise you to ignore and do not read her posts.
The people that really matter will not believe her.
You will be feeding her drama and giving her what she wants.
Give her enough rope to hang herself.
Don't you think people are starting to realise that she is the crazy one?
She is dead to you. Act accordingly.

MilesHuntsWig · 02/03/2018 22:22

Police. Get this stopped. As everyone else is saying - don’t bother with your mum.

BMW6 · 02/03/2018 22:25

Don't bother trying to reach out to your Mum. That ship has long sailed, all you are proposing is more harm to yourself.
Police, go NC with your sister and your mum - and anyone else who colludes in this campaign of harassment.

zzzzz · 02/03/2018 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepinggiraffe · 02/03/2018 22:27

Go to a solicitor and ask them to send a letter regarding her behaviour?
Warning her you will have to take out a non molestation order if it doesn't stop

It's the only thing shy of getting the police involved

snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:28

I don't want her arrested, she has a young stepchild, although my sister sent the police to me whilst I had young kids at home I wouldn't want to scare her stepchild by doing so.

I just can't see how else to end this. She won't listen to our Mum, our Dad isn't alive else he'd have knocked this on the head ages ago. My other siblings don't get involved. Facebook won't remove her profile, she has at least 12 accounts that I know of so it's pointless as she'd just continue on her other profiles.

I can't appeal to her friends as that makes me look crazy, and I don't know who they are anyway as I'm obviously not on her facebook Friendlist.

I thought of a solicitor cease and desist type letter, but why should I have to pay £65 to stop someone attacking me? I can't really afford it. It probably wouldn't work anyway as I certainly can't afford to sue someone for slander - nor would I want to.

So is asking the police to arrest her my only choice left??

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 02/03/2018 22:28

Report it to the police
Go totally non contact with your sister & mother
Speak to the head at your children's school on the grounds that neither can have access to your children

Do not engage with her, she's doing this to provoke a reaction

Doilooklikeatourist · 02/03/2018 22:29

I don’t think texting your mum will help
Police ? , keep as much evidence from online as you can

Then , just move on and ignore them
Hope it’s as easy as that , maybe not.
But life too short to let this take over

Aprilmightmemynewname · 02/03/2018 22:30

Op you need to prioritise your own safety and mental health. And she needs help so really you are doing her a favour in the long run.

snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:30

sleepinggiraffe I think a non mol order can only be issued if there's a police charge first, I'm not sure. I'll google it.

OP posts:
NotDavidTennant · 02/03/2018 22:30

If you tell your mum that you're thinking of going to the police she will tip off your sister and then your sister will go to the police first.

JaneEyre70 · 02/03/2018 22:30

If you are on any sort of social media, put a post on to say what's happening in a very factual way, and say that if anyone reads something it won't be from you as you are closing your accounts. Then pass it all to the Police, and let them deal with her. Your Mum won't make a scrap of difference, sadly, and she is never going to take your side. If it's easier, cut them both out of your life and move on with your head held high. This must be horrid.

Queenoftheblitz · 02/03/2018 22:31

I doubt if police would arrest her. They will probably have a word which she will ignore. Unless she is making threats I wouldnt bother.

bastardkitty · 02/03/2018 22:32

No text to your mum. That's a really bad idea. You can't get her arrested. You need to report her to the police and let them do what they do.

snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:32

Thankyou for your views so far everyone. I was gong to text my Mum to give my sister a 'last chance' before I took further police action, hoping my Mum would convince her to halt, but from what you're saying it's not looking likely it would help me.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 02/03/2018 22:32

Why would you think a text to your mum will make any difference?!

bankrolls my mum so is always skint (she used to bankroll me and owes me lots of money but obviously I've let that slide

Why and how has she been bankrolling you and your mum if she’s long-term unemployed? That makes no sense? Why have you been taking her money?