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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to stop sister's online hate campaign against me? It's progressed to sinister levels.

129 replies

snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:11

I have a difficult communication to compose to my mother about my abusive sister.

Briefly, my sister has kept a sustained online hate campaign against me for a few years now. My ex partner (father of my kids) joined in at one point too but his campaign was so strong Facebook took action against him.

2 years ago I asked my sister to halt else I'd have to involve police. Her response was to get the police to issue a PIN notice on me, making the exact claims that I would have made about her.

The difference being I have over 200+ screenshots of her actions, and she has zero of mine, because I don't retaliate. So the PIN was retaliatory.

I did call the police after that and they 'had a word' but didn't issue a PIN.

Two years later I've asked them to have a word again (no PIN) because she just won't stop.

That was about 2 weeks ago.
She's now progressed to using my real name in her public posts, and is convincing strangers (to me) that I am unhinged, mentally ill, manipulative, etc etc She is following almost word for word and actions the same script my ex partner worked from.

As online harassment is now a criminal offence not a civil one, the only option left to me is either a PIN notice or have her arrested. Our Mum won't intervene. Mum often collides with her, (my partner explained she probably feels guilty because she was physically and mentally abusive to me as a child) and it all seems to add up how everyone's behaving.

The 'projection' of my sister's behaviour onto me, claiming I am now harassing her, when it is actaully her. I don't write about her online, we have no contact. But she insists to strangers I am.

If I asked for her to be arrested and spoken to properly by police, she would probably do the same to me in retaliation as she did with the PIN notice.

My ex partner used to do this, police were called dozens of times on him, police would get there and he'd say, 'it's her, she's mentally ill, sorry to waste your time officers...' that sort of thing.
I went into A&E a couple of times with injuries of course I never said he did it, but he'd say the classic 'she walked into a door. She has one wonky eye so she can't see where she's going'.

Anyway, I need to compose a brief text to my Mum, pleading without sounding threatening, for her to once and for all convince my sister what she's doing is destructive, and that if she doesn't stop, she'd be arrested at this stage now.

They don't know that all this gives me massive anxiety, not depression I'm an upbeat person really, but I walk around wondering, yet again as I used to whenI was with my ex, if people believe her claims about me that I'm crazy or evil.

OP posts:
Original poster
snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:52

Madmags I haven't been snarky at all ? Shock what do you mean ??

Yes they did collude, my ex partner reason I suspect because he was angry that I finally left him after years of DV, taking our 4 week old newborn and toddler with me.

My mother for reasons explained upthread.

My sister I don't have a clue. She starts a hate campaign against her boyfriend's ex too and has form me for this behaviour in her past, so whilst I can guess her reasons I'll never know for sure.

OP posts:
MadMags · 02/03/2018 22:54

Sorry, I misread your tone Flowers

They all sound toxic. Everyone of them.

I’d see a solicitor, one letter might be all it will take to make her back off.

Re: your social media, I would have business only pages, not a personal profile, and block her from everything.

And I’d still speak to the police!

Original poster
snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:57

Thanks Madmags

I keep my personal profile because I use it as a photo host, Ihavehundreds of my photos and videos on there. I rarely use it to post with,and certainly never aboutmy sister.

With Facebook, you can only have a business page if you first have a personal account as you need to be anAdmin of your business page.

She is long blocked, but has dozens of accounts.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 02/03/2018 22:58

Make sure you have all your evidence ready when you speak to the police. Worst examples first in the file.

Original poster
snapperstickers68 · 02/03/2018 22:58

Yes, I suppose the solicitor letter might help then. It's expensive but probably worth it.

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 02/03/2018 22:58

Don't give her a warning, go directly to the police.

InBlackwaterWoods · 02/03/2018 22:59

Nah, no last chances, just go to the police and/or a solicitor.

I have a twin who used to harass/slag me off on fb, not quite as bad as your sister. I simply did not engage, totally ignored her crap, blocked her completely. she has mostly stopped now and her friends have realised how bitter she is and are now my friends. Wasn't easy but you have to let her go. Grieve for the relationship you should have, go NC with your mum also.
Fuck it, lifes too short.

chocolateworshipper · 02/03/2018 23:02

The police aren't likely to arrest her immediately. They get so many complaints about harassment and bullying on social media sadly. She has potentially broken the law (Communications Act, Malicious Communications Act etc), but I would expect the police to warn her first and then see if it stops.

LexieLulu · 02/03/2018 23:06

I don't think you should text your mum one last chance.

Report your sister to police. She have a court order for harassment.

Then go NC with her, block her, stop giving her money

sleepinggiraffe · 02/03/2018 23:06

No idea if you'd qualify for legal aid... but worth finding out as may solve this

pandarific · 02/03/2018 23:07

Look, she’s nuts. You asking your mum to tell her to stop won’t work because she’s nuts - she’s not rational, rational won’t work.

You need 1) to take all the evidence to the police - as someone said your sister is clearly mentally unwell and this coukd mean she gets help 2) spend the 65 for a solicitor letter - understand how you feel but look at it as a cheap price to pay for your life back 3) block her on everything and ignore anything you get from her or you see - as others have said people can see this stuff for what it is a mile off, she’s persecuting you 4) limit contact with your mum - she’s not protecting you, she hasn’t got your back - you can’t trust her so keep your contacts low. Refuse to discuss your sister with her - if she starts, warn her you won’t discuss it and you’ll have to put the phone down / go if she keeps on.

Flowers post on the relationships board here, they are excellent with practical advice on bad situations like this.

Suburbanfocks · 02/03/2018 23:08

Agree with not texting your mum. Very bad idea.
The police don't work the way you or your sister seem to think they do, you can't 'get someone arrested' on a whim. But yes this is definitely needs reporting to the police, let them do their job with the evidence at hand regarding the harassment.
You could bring about a civil case for libel if your business has suffered but this would be costly. A solicitor's letter could be enough to make her stop.

For what it's worth, I can guarantee that anyone reading your sister's tirades will have a very dim view of her especially as you don't retaliate or get involved. They probably think she's barmy. Most of her Facebook friends have probably unfollowed her a long time ago to avoid reading all her rubbish.

OrlandaFuriosa · 02/03/2018 23:16

Go to the CAB and get the names of solicitors who will give you free legal advice for 30 mins. If you have a letter already drafted - there must be egs on the internet - you might get away with less than £65.

IvorHughJarrs · 02/03/2018 23:19

A friend of ours had to do this with an ex recently and I think they asked Police advice and were put in touch with an agency of some sort who put all the information needed together. I think the non-molestation order can be done in two ways (but I am no expert and happy to be corrected if wrong), either through the Police so your sister would be arrested if she breached it or via a court so she can be prosecuted for contempt of court if she breaches that.
Our friend did have to get a solicitor as her ex contested it so there were some costs involved but it was not difficult considering what an obsessive knobhead the ex was

MrsElvis · 02/03/2018 23:26

No more one last chance nonsense.

No texting Mum anything, she would have done something if she was going to.

Get your evidence and go to the police.

JaniceBattersby · 02/03/2018 23:31

I agree with Surburbanfocks. People see through this shit. All they will see is a load of hate splurged on to the page. Apart from a few huns, most of them will think she’s the loon, not you.

Aside from that, I would also go to the police.

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 02/03/2018 23:35

Did you post about a cease and desist letter to your sister before? If so, the advice that was given then, to go straight to the police, is still correct.

Jenny70 · 02/03/2018 23:39

Presumably if you have an online business, her remarks could be affecting your business reputation if people joined the dots (and she's now using your real name).

This opens the door to libel allegations, if you do speak to a lawyer, I'd be raising this as a possibility - I presume this is a civil action, but not sure. If you can prove she has written things that have caused (or could cause) financial loss to you then you can sue her for damages.

Don't involve your mother, she sounds as toxic as your sister - who lets siblings act like that and supports slanging like this?!

user764329056 · 02/03/2018 23:40

No words of wisdom OP but you have my sympathy, am in a similar situation with toxic sister, it’s draining and painful and as you say there’s no reason for the jealousy and vitriol, my sibling is so calculating and shrewd and determined to bring me down and I have truthfully done nothing to her, she’s just a very twisted bitter individual, I wish there was a solution

AcrossthePond55 · 02/03/2018 23:53

Personally I'd see a criminal solicitor and take all the evidence with me. I'd discuss the law and possible police action against my sister with the solicitor (including retaliatory allegations by her) so I had a good understanding of what I might expect from the police and what, if any, action could be taken against me based on my sister's allegations and what a solicitor might be able to do in my defense.

Then I'd go to the police and file a formal complaint and present your evidence. If your sister files a retaliatory complaint, take the solicitor with you if you are called in by the police.

PilatesSuck · 03/03/2018 08:27

Get all your evidence together and call the police if your sister is so malicious then she is a poor excuse for a person and will be a terrible role model as a parent, so you would be doing her stepchild a favour. Who knows maybe stepchilds mum gets the hate too? Or stepchild?

In short, dont worry about them and dont warn your mum. Block your sister and call the police with a bulletproof brief timeline and history. Then show all your evidence. You owe it to yourself to reveal her lies and malice.

LML83 · 03/03/2018 08:30

I would try to forget about your sister and possibly your mum too. Don't contact them anymore and try to forget about the hate campaign.

Come off Facebook or whatever social media so you don't see it and try to trust that those who know you know the truth, those that know your sister prob also see the truth and the people who don't know either of you that well prob think it's oversharing and enjoy the drama rather than actually caring about the people involved.

It's also the best revenge, your sister wants a reaction don't give her it. I would mention to police and school too.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/03/2018 08:39

We have had a few public cases in the courts here where people were up for a constant barragement of abuse. It was taken very seriously. The police will have dealt with this before. Go to them.

Enuffsenuffsenuff · 03/03/2018 09:11

I am so sorry OP, this is horrific.

It doesn't sound like your mum is going to be able to help. It doesn't sound like your sister listens to her, or that your mum can be trusted to handle this without making it worse.

I think you need to go to the police. You have more than enough evidence, and while I understand that you don't want to get your sister in trouble you have to remember she is doing this herself and ruining your life.

I really hope you're able to resolve this x

Cupoteap · 03/03/2018 09:18

Pin do not exist anymore. You have two options, the police or a non-molestation order.

The best option in my opinion is the non- milestone order. Because she has not broken the law yet in all likelihood. With a the order as soon as she breaks it, THEN she has broken the law.