How to stop sister's online hate campaign against me? It's progressed to sinister levels.

[snapperstickers68]

I have a difficult communication to compose to my mother about my abusive sister.

Briefly, my sister has kept a sustained online hate campaign against me for a few years now. My ex partner (father of my kids) joined in at one point too but his campaign was so strong Facebook took action against him.

2 years ago I asked my sister to halt else I'd have to involve police. Her response was to get the police to issue a PIN notice on me, making the exact claims that I would have made about her.

The difference being I have over 200+ screenshots of her actions, and she has zero of mine, because I don't retaliate. So the PIN was retaliatory.

I did call the police after that and they 'had a word' but didn't issue a PIN.

Two years later I've asked them to have a word again (no PIN) because she just won't stop.

That was about 2 weeks ago.
She's now progressed to using my real name in her public posts, and is convincing strangers (to me) that I am unhinged, mentally ill, manipulative, etc etc She is following almost word for word and actions the same script my ex partner worked from.

As online harassment is now a criminal offence not a civil one, the only option left to me is either a PIN notice or have her arrested. Our Mum won't intervene. Mum often collides with her, (my partner explained she probably feels guilty because she was physically and mentally abusive to me as a child) and it all seems to add up how everyone's behaving.

The 'projection' of my sister's behaviour onto me, claiming I am now harassing her, when it is actaully her. I don't write about her online, we have no contact. But she insists to strangers I am.

If I asked for her to be arrested and spoken to properly by police, she would probably do the same to me in retaliation as she did with the PIN notice.

My ex partner used to do this, police were called dozens of times on him, police would get there and he'd say, 'it's her, she's mentally ill, sorry to waste your time officers...' that sort of thing.
I went into A&E a couple of times with injuries of course I never said he did it, but he'd say the classic 'she walked into a door. She has one wonky eye so she can't see where she's going'.

Anyway, I need to compose a brief text to my Mum, pleading without sounding threatening, for her to once and for all convince my sister what she's doing is destructive, and that if she doesn't stop, she'd be arrested at this stage now.

They don't know that all this gives me massive anxiety, not depression I'm an upbeat person really, but I walk around wondering, yet again as I used to whenI was with my ex, if people believe her claims about me that I'm crazy or evil.

What a horrible position to be in. I'm so sorry, OP.

You can't control what your sister does. All you can control is your reaction to it.

The first thing to do is to stop reacting to it. Block her everywhere, when she opens a new profile block it too. Don't read anything she writes about you and if people try to tell you about it, tell them you don't want to hear nasty gossip and refuse to engage with them.

Give up on your mother. She won't listen to you and won't help you.

You should be able to get a non-mol against her, I think, but there is a cost associated with it. It won't stop her doing anything: but when she breaks itbecause you know she willit will allow the police to arrest her and take action against her, which might stop her.

I know that's an extreme position to take but it does sound as though it's required. She can't carry on like this. It's toxic, to her as much as to you. You'd be doing her a favour if you can help her break this awful habit.

Oh god, I'm so sorry you're going through this . I agree with pp, police & court is the only way you can solve this.

Reporting her to the police is the only way to get this stopped.

Do not involve or trust your mother. She seems to be complicit in your sisters behaviour.

PP is correct in that PIN notices don’t exist anymore. Her behaviour amounts to harassment, and of course that’s a crime. I would contact the police; were I to get involved with this I would warn her in no uncertain terms that she faces being arrested if her behaviour continued, assuming you were happy with that step.

Your other option is to pursue a civil remedy through a solicitor. If the agreement is breached she becomes immediately arrestable. The police will take this seriously. If you’d like any more info PM me.

Firstly OP, go to the police with an evidencial timeline of her harassment and online abuse. Ask to have a non-molestation order taken out against her.

If you have suffered financial loss from your business, due to her hate campaign, then you should ask the police about pressing libel charges against her, to try and recover the loss.

Go No Contact with your sis and mum. If they aren't bringing anything but pain and heartache to your life.......get rid. Your mum may have given birth to you, but she is still an individual, just like Joe Public around the corner, and you need to sever the emotional connection between you both, before you can deal with this effectively. You really do need to take all the emotion out of this whole situation, so you can deal with this objectively and with the evidence only.

To do this you need to ask yourself how you would advise a stranger, then do your research on the law regarding your situation, and then take your own advice. If you're not sure, ask the police and they may be able to help you. Whatever you do, don't let you emotions get in the way of facts, until this situation is sorted. Then you can grieve for the relationship you should have had with your mum and sister.

HTH

What does this have to do with your mum? I am assuming you are all adults.

Contact the police.

I suspect she is persisting in this because she knows how badly this is affecting you. If you had laughed it off it wouldn't have had the desired effect would it, but too late for that now.

How do you know what she is posting? Whilst this gets resolved, can you deactivate all Social Media and make sure you don't actually see what she is posting? It sounds like you have enough "evidence" and once you have passed it over to police you should take a step back and try to just get on and live your life without worrying about what she is doing.

Good luck

I’m glad you’ve changed your mind about pleasing with your mum and sister.

It won’t work, otherwise it would have worked before. Your mother obviously can’t or won’t control your sisters behaviour.

Your sister seems to enjoy having someone to bully and torment.

Don’t confuse it with a ‘mental illness’ as another poster has. I don’t know why people on here think that nasty and vindictive people must have have a mental illness. What does that say about people with actual mental illnesses?

Anyway, your sister enjoys being nasty, so you must stop letting it effect you, showing her what she wants to see.

Put yourself first and protect yourself.

Police all the way
Your mum enables her she won't help you in this

I can’t advise on how to stop your sister, but if I were in your situation I would cut all contact with sister and mother, and make sure all possible contact is cut between them and your children, and get off social media.

Yes to police, not retaliating & going NC with your Mum and anyone else involved

If you don’t involve your mum, a text won’t be persuasive enough. Print out all of the screenshots, put them in a folder in chronological order - in fact make 3 copies (one for you, one for your mother, one for the police).

Show your mother and explain that you will be taking this mass of evidence to the police /a solicitor. Leave it with her to look at without you being there.

Then ask whether she will do anything to intervene.

DHs brother used to physically asault him on a regular basis (whenever he was stressed) it was a carryover from years of childhood bullying. The only thing that stopped it was getting the police involved. Initially they were just going to have a word with him and asked him to make an appointment to speak to someone at the police station. He didn't take it seriously and kept messing them around so they ended up aresting him and leaving him in the cells for a while to think about things. It did the trick!

Sorry, that should have read “if you do involve your mum”.

I agree with everyone else: don’t tell your mum, go to the police.

Don’t feel guilty about her step child. It’s for her to feel responsible for them, not you.

Have you ever responded or sent her any messages that she can use against you OP? Otherwise I cannot think why you wouldn’t just download every single thing she’s sent and shop her.

This is a bad situation. No hope with your mum, if she really wanted to help you, she would have done it years ago. I'm afraid you're on your own.
So firstly, you need to work out how to use Facebook in a way that doesn't affect your business. Can you contact them for advice, explaining the situation? Can you move on to instagram? If she is only harassing you on social media, it makes sense to remove yourself from it. Then she will have no where to go.
Secondly, go to the police. Gather all your evidence and speak to them about it in person. You need to do this in case she escalates this to a different method i.e. Physically stalks you. Also go to a criminal lawyer. Get his advice.
Thirdly, cut off contact with your mum as well as your sister. Do not engage with them, and no matter how tempting it is, do not explain why. I think you secretly hope that your mum will feel sorry for you and help, but she won't. I'd even consider moving away if that's an option. But don't tell them that you have done it.
Fourthly, have some counselling. You clearly need some clarity and support to get you through this and you can no longer rely on your family. You may be able to work out why this has happened through it.
Good luck. You can do it, but you have to try really hard now and don't get fobbed off when requesting help.

Don’t go on FB and read her rubbish, and I’m sure you can stop people tagging your name, if you can read her stuff, she can read yours, so change that. Block everyone in the family to do with her, and then just leave FB alone completely.

Police, all the way. What do you care if she gets arrested? She needs the shock. You need to be very clear with the police that she will retaliate and try to say you’ve done similar to her. Put a stop to that before they take action. Give them all the evidence upfront.

Go to a solicitor and get a non molestation order. Block her account from Facebook/insta etc if she opens a second account screenshot anything relevant and block then enforce the non molestation order.

Change your privacy so you have to approve anything you’ve been tagged in from appearing on your timeline

Well, for a start get a different online photo / video host other than FB. There are loads of free options out there (Shoebox, Shutterfly etc)

Then get proper legal advice with a view to sending a cease and desist letter

And keep talking to the police

Get all the evidence and screen shot it and print it out. Keep a log of e wry post, date time etc. Go to the police with this. If it doesn't stop keep going to the police and keep the log up to date.

Your sister is getting away with it and your mother is of no use to you.

Reporting her to the police is the only way to get this stopped.

I used to think the same.

But harassment happens all the time, and I've been subjected to something similar for the last 5 years.

Police. Don't. Do. Anything.

There are other organisations that might be able to help you OP? Suzy Lamplugh website being one of them.

It's really really shit. You have my sympathy.

Moving is the only answer, but I know that's not simple, or I would have done that by now too.

I don't understand why would involve a parent? Is your sister under 18 living with her?

Go to the police.

Anyway, I need to compose a brief text to my Mum, pleading without sounding threatening, for her to once and for all convince my sister what she's doing is destructive

No. You don’t. Because if a text to your mum could have sorted it it’d have been sorted years back. Nothing your mum says is going to make her stop. Nothing.

YOU have to take action. Take al those screenshots and go poor back to the police.

Firstly walking away from my toxic family was the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. Anyone who is not supporting you in this or hasn’t been prepared to ask her to stop no longer deserves a place in your life.

Secondly contact the police with your evidence. Anytime you see anything inappropriate use the Facebook report button. Same with reporting false profiles. Just keep plodding on with it

Thirdly you don’t serve it at all and you don’t have to tolerate it any further.

Finally she needs to be stopped and people need to see physical action of this. Her stepchild may be distressed but will also learn that internet bullying will not be be tolerated. An important lesson given he’s been raised by someone who thinks it is.