To give up on this school

[Bemoreunderstanding]

Looking for advice on next year's high school place.

We live in a small village with a small village primary school. Most children go to the local high school but I chose to send my older child out of area to a similar distance away high school which is in the next council area. We were lucky to get the place as we are as far out as they take. I was hoping to get my younger child into the same school and we have a slightly improved chance due to the sibling link but we are still out of area of course.

At the village school is a lovely mother who has a child with SEN issues (very relevant to this thread) in my younger child's class. This mother spoke to me a while back about which schools I was looking at, as she intended to send her child to the same one, so my child could travel with her child and help him get to school safely.

However as her child has a statement and will understandably take priority over my child. If she applies for the same school, her child will definitely get a place and therefore reducing our chances and as they only just reach the village we are very likely to lose out. If the mother actually wanted the school place that is fine, but she only wants to go to the school which my child is going to and I am feeling frustrated that this is likely to lead to her child attending this school on their own.

The second concern is I want to be kind and understanding and in theory I don't mind my child helping hers. However they both struggle socially and I can't expect my child to look after hers at the level she is expecting. The children are not friends though I encourage kindness and being nice to all classmates. The mother said my child is the only one who is nice to her child.

Thirdly this school is very big and doesn't have a great SEN provision where as the local high school is much smaller and has a brilliant on site SEN. My good friends child loves the unit and how it is fully integrated into the school but there for when she needs it.

Bottom line this mother can and must do the right thing for her child. But hand on heart I don't think the out of area school is the answer. If they go for it best case scenario my child gets in too and has a part time carer role on the buses, walking, lunch time and might make it more difficult for my child to make a friend for himself. As my child has made his first friend in year five, I don't want to pile more pressure on. In the worse case we won't get a place at all and the other mum will be upset her child will be travelling on their own.

I am going to have another chat with this mother and if she is definite about choosing this out of area school I guess I need to give up and put mine in the local high school. If I don't get our first choice we will be pushed into the sink high school in the next village along and I can't risk that.

Or I could explain that we won't get both kids in the out of area school and therefore would she consider applying for the good local school instead, as we really want the place due to sibling attending and whatever happens our children will be in different schools.....but I know that will be rude :(

There is enough people in area putting the nice small local high school as their first choice, then no one choosing it 2nd or 3rd gets a place.

It doesn't work like that! Please read the link I posted before. It explains it really well.

IF this child applies for a place OP, he is not taking your childs place. His priority will come above the children in catchment.
I think you need to separate in your mind that another child will 'have your child's place'....you haven't even applied yet.

apply for the school you want. you have a sibling link. hope for the best. put the next school you'd accept as your 2 preference.

thats all you can do.

Or you could just move to a city? Yeah the countryside is a lovely place to visit with NT children. But bloody hell. You need facilities!

OP, are you in England? If so, then all these things you and others are saying about getting priority if you put a school first and missing out if you put it second or third is total rubbish, honestly. It is the law that the equal preference system must be used, and no school knows where you have ranked them. There are many very knowledgeable admissions experts on the education boards (tiggytape, admission and many others) who will back this up.

Ffs why do so few people understand how the school allocation system works? OP if this is important to you go educate yourself. Please.

It does work like that when you have 30 kids and 18 were offered sink school not on any of their options! Luckily a fair few got places in appeal but still. Our council is really struggling for spaces at the moment.

There is enough people in area putting the nice small local high school as their first choice, then no one choosing it 2nd or 3rd gets a place

This isn’t how the system works. The people putting it as first choice don’t go to the top of the list. Everyone who has listed it in any of their ‘slots’ is put in one long list. You get offered your second choice if you didn’t get offered your first and you’re high enough up the long list.

Oh crack on then OP. Ignorance is bliss.

How can you possibly know that the SEN child will be the very child to push your child off the admissions list? How do you know exactly how many children across your area are applying to this school and that now that one more child (the SEN child) wants to go to this school, your child will now not be able to. If this is really the case then at least you will be top of the waiting list.

For a school to be named in a ehcp it would have to be that the school has something to offer the child that another school can't. Another child going to the school would not be a good enough reason.

Admission criteria is Sen, Adoption and siblings.

I can see that others have said the same as me. What we are saying is correct OP- you do not get any priority for putting a school first, no matter what rumours or anecdotal evidence there is!

I know what I have to do, Give up the idea of the school we would like and apply for the local one and hope we get a place there.

*Anything
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Distance is pretty irrelevant for SEN Transport and it's 3 miles for secondary.

If the LA argues the case on schools sure he ops friend may not qualify - it's an avenue which we can't predict with zero facts.

No, just put the schools in your genuine order of preference!

Well op, you seem pretty determined not to understand how admissions work so sure, give up.

Choose the school you want to apply for and order of preference for your child, don't worry about what she's doing with her child for now and don't let it impact your decision making.

If she makes conversation about it all, maybe enquire if she's spoken to the LA or Senco yet about the application and then delicately change the subject. Keep it all non committal and casual.

Your child doesn't have to act as a carer or escort for her child and she was cheeky to ask. However, she is likely very worried about how her child will manage the transition. If the LA feel her child will struggle with the travel they will make arrangements and it won't be your child taking the responsibility of ensuring the other child can complete the journey.

Alot can change between now and when they start and that is if they start at the same school. Put in your application and worry about the rest if and when the time comes.

Ffs why do so few people understand how the school allocation system works?

I have no idea. I also have no idea why people don't educate themselves about this. I ended up in a conversation on WhatsApp last night with a mother who was v upset she hadn't got what she wanted on allocations day yesterday but seemed to have no idea that she lives fully 2km further away than she needs to in order to get any offer at any stage from this school. The council publishes distances for first round and for what has happened at the 1st Sept of the year the children will enter the school so the information is out there in the public domain! We are in a VERY oversubscribed area.

OP, go and have a look at the admissions page on your council website. There may well be a list of distances for school admission cut off points.

You need to be absolutely blunt with this woman that your child will not be acting as a carer for her child. It is not your child's job to take on the duties she needs to be undertaking herself. If the child cannot travel by bus himself, then she needs to facilitate that. Not put the responsibility onto another young child. What if your child is sick one day? Who has to get the child to school? What if the child runs off or misbehaves? Is your child responsible? Absolutely not. If the child needs support, she needs to liaise with the school for 1-2-1 support.

Sometimes you have to be absolutely blunt with people for the sake of your own child. You aren't discriminating against her child, you are protecting your own, who has no requirement to undertake the role she is trying to put onto them. Being a kind friend is one thing, taking on an unpaid carer role for a child not related to you is quite another. This could have a very serious impact on your own child and their schooling, and you need to put a stop to it right away before it becomes fixed in her mind that your child will in anyway be responsible for hers.

Check the admissions policy of the school carefully. SEN children don't necessarily take priority when places are allocated; it's often only if that school could offer them something that another school would not.

This other child won't be 'taking up your child's place", I agree. But your child is not there to take care of this other child, and is not there to facilitate getting this other child to school. Bit cheeky of the mum to want to know where your kid is going so she can use them as some sort of unpaid aide.

Put in your application according to what is best for your child, don't tell this woman where you've chosen beyond saying you are reconsidering (or say you've chosen a different school).

@Noeuf

It’s two miles in our local authorities for SEN transport for all pupils 3-18 because thats what they’ve agreed between themselves due to the nature of the catchments. That’s why I said it might be different in different areas.

I would just say you aren't discussing secondary choices with anyone as it is quite an emotive topic for your DD and you don't want her getting wind of it being discussed.
I don't think that is unreasonable

Anything ds with SEN was transported by taxi to his school 26 miles away so there are definitely different rules in different authorities.

I feel sorry for the other mum, she must be really worried about secondary school. But of course you need to make decisions based on your own child’s needs.

Credit to your son for being kind.

Just put the school in the order that you want them.

He will not he taking the one place from the village. His category will be higher than siblings it's just how it works.

One set of twins or an adopted child from a neighbouring town/city/village and there won't be any free spaces to be offered on distance criteria anyway. Why are you so convinced this one child blows it for you?

Could work the opposite way too. There could be children who's statement makes another school freeing up a place.

Who knows.

Nothing to lose by listing it first. Where you list it makes no difference unless you qualify for more than one school anyway.

If she's expecting your child to look after hers she's massively U. She should be applying for where best suits her child and offers the supoort rather than banking on something that might not happen