to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

Another rude comment - completely uncalled for - have I insulted you?! You should be ashamed of yourself. You are just a sad little bully - if you were truly happy with your life choices you wouldn’t be so bitter and defensive. The number has nothing to do with my age. And if you’ll note - I’m a feminist and and believe in an equal society. Like another pp I don’t believe equal means the same.

At niceandwarm rather than lipstick

No apples. I just find your posts very judgy and defensive. I'm thrilled with my choices, thanks - I have an exciting career and my DP is at home with my DC, so as I said upthread, I have no skin in the game.

I just find there are some really horrible posts aimed mostly at WOHMs. The OP knew what she was doing with that opening post and sadly it's worked.

What have I said that’s judgy? You are just a rude person.

And really - if you were thrilled, if there wasn’t any glimmer of guilt, slight fear that maybe you were missing out a bit - you wouldn’t be on mumsnet posting on a thread about how happy some stay at home mumd are.

I don't think OP intended to sound goady, but I do think she underestimated her own ability to handle responses to how she's come across...and the inevitable way any threads about working/sah mothers are bound to go.

Not as "bold and brave" as she thought, basically.

And yes I would say the same to my oh - I think he misses out too. And so does he.

I am currently at the end of my second maternity leave. After child number 1 I went back 4 days, after number 2 I'm going 3 days. If finances allowed I wouldn't go back at all but I don't have the choice.

People are different, they have different wants and needs. If you want to work that's great, it's great if you don't.

To those posters who have asked why the OP has not thought of asking this question to men......where in her post does it suggest she is only addressing women??

And Dorothea..she had no dreams of being praised above other women.

Feeling that there was always something better which she might have done if she had only been better and known better, her full nature spent itself in deeds which left no great name on the earth, but the effect of her being on those around her was incalculable.

For the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts and on all those Dorotheas who life faithfully their hidden lives and rest in unvisited tombs.

See, apples - 4 bitter shouty responses to one tongue in cheek comment. It's not me that's defensive. And no, I don't think i miss out. I can work from home if I like and when DC is older I can do as many school runs or assemblies etc as I like.

That's the point. You can say that YOU would feel you were missing out or that your DH is. But you don't get to say that for anyone else. When you do, you just sound as if you are desperate to validate your own decision.

Oh and apples - as you raised the point, let's bounce it back to you - if you love being at home so much, why are you just staring at your phone posting on here so much??

Context for my starting point? Because IN REAL LIFE WOHMs "bang on about work paid work been the best thing for mothers" ALL THD TIME. To my face. To the face of other SAHMs I know. AND. I'M. SICK. OF. IT.

Right, now it gets somewhere!!!

OP, if that's true, it's shit. I can safely say nobody has ever said that to my DP or any of my SAHMs friends. But why didn't you put that in the OP? Then people would have understood why you were feeling angry.

Because nearly everyone here is saying the same thing: what a family chooses to do (or doesn't if there is no choice) is nobody else's business and we should all support each other!

For the record though, I think we've done well not to get to the point of any posts withdrawn, just one post edited ay MN (by the poster themselves).

If that's true, why does no-one behave like that and give any credit to the choices others make???

I do actually have a brain and am able to make informed choices (eg planning ahead for future financially)

you wouldn’t be on mumsnet posting on a thread about how happy some stay at home mumd are

That's not really what the thread was about though. OP posted specifically asking working parents if they'd rather not work, the majority posted saying that no they enjoy working, some gave reasons why then a whole load of SAHM's came on to defend their decision and express faux patronising concern for children of working parents when no-one had questioned their decisions, they were merely stating why they preferred working. Even now 700 posts in we're still getting the 'i wouldn't want to miss out' comments. Well I work 9-3, leave after the kids in the morning and am home before them in the afternoon so sorry to disappoint once again but no not missing out on anything here.

In RL I've never heard anyone express an opinion on whether a parent works or not, if you have friends saying this stuff to you OP then you need to find new friends, if they're just acquaintances then why care about their opinions?

But why didn't you put that in the OP?
.......because I assumed everyone knows this........it is such an everyday occurance.........

Nice - I don’t stay at home - I work part time

Ah, so you're posting on your employer's time?!

And I’m on mumsnet mostly to get support because my youngest child has health problems. I was interested in this thread because I recently made the decision to go back part time. I think it’s great if people stay at home, work part time, full time - but be happy and proud in your choices. Don’t slag off people over the internet because you aren’t fully happy with your decisions.

I work part time...?!

It’s not 9am here in uk yet

I think you'd have done better to not bother start a thread informing us that people are always telling you to your face, rudely, that they disapprove of you being a SAHM and we could perhaps watch out for this behaviour if we don't approve of it. Which naturally most of us don't.

(And someone stating they don't want to give up work isn't denigrating your choice, unless there's some specific context.)

Honestly OP, I think you overestimated how "bold and brave" you are and started an ill-judged thread. The SAHM/WOHM discussion always goes the same way and you must have known that. Someday I'll tally up how many posts there are on each side of the divide and see who's really right, because both working and sah mum's claim they're always getting kicked on here.

I very much miss my career sometimes, and definitely feel under fulfilled at times. I have studied for a masters since my youngest was born, and do volunteer work in a professional capacity, just to keep things ticking along, but I don't get paid, and of course I miss my financial independence. In that sense I still class myself as a SAHM. But I am not championing one or the other. We do what we have to do, for our families. I would love to have paid employment again, but as I've already commented up thread, it's just not possible to find a job that allows me to take time off at short notice, due to having a child that is often in hospital. On top of which, there are nearly 16 weeks school holiday, and we have no other support. I know there are some people lucky enough like Animaldaze, to find 9 to 3employment, that allows them to pick up from school, but what are they doing when the kids are off school? Aside from the people with older more self sufficient kids, who are seemingly able to 'work from home', what do those with younger kids too?? The only people I know who are able to work on a regular permanent job basis, are those who have support, whether it be in the form of a highly paid nanny, or grandparents, who are on standby to help. Many of my friends kids get sent to the GPs for some of the holidays, or vice versa.
The best of both worlds would be wonderful, but for some of us, it is just not possible. And that's sadly something that a lot of people just don't seem to understand.