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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

993 replies

mammyoftwo · 01/03/2018 23:16

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

OP posts:
speakout · 04/03/2018 15:54

Having children and ditching my career has led to places I would never have hoped for.

Babbitywabbit · 04/03/2018 15:56

And that’s what so great isn’t it? Ditching a career is best for some; keeping one best for others.

Now, I wonder when the OP is going to come back, or is her mischief done?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 16:01

For me,it’s multifaceted career,kids,locations have all been transformational
Having kids wasn’t and isn’t my sole defining experience.its all of it
How I’ve negotiated & experienced career,kids,locations. Sum of those components

natureshaped · 04/03/2018 16:01

LipstickHandbagCoffee yes I tell my husband not to bitch about things. He tells me when I am being a dickhead. I think most people just use words and get over it rather than lose their shit over everything and become hysterical.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 16:04

Nature Who is hysterical exactly?why is it hysterical to discuss gender politics
What’s making you uncomfortable about it?

speakout · 04/03/2018 16:09

LipstickHandbagCoffee

Lipstickhandbagcoffee just suggests someone really switched on to gender politics.
Unless you are trans of course.

QuiteCleanBandit · 04/03/2018 16:09

Can you think of a word to describe a group of men discussing work/life
Dickfest prickfest ?
It doesnt happen
Dismissing this discussion as a bitchfest is typical misogyny .

Sorry I have to laugh that you called Lipstick hysterical also .
A.Another misogynistic term
B.The most unlikely poster ever to be hysterical

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 16:15

speakout, try articulate what it is that’s making you uncomfortable as opposed to making petty comments

natureshaped · 04/03/2018 16:18

Hi quite welcome to the hysterical bitchfest

QuiteCleanBandit · 04/03/2018 16:19

Sorry ? Confused

natureshaped · 04/03/2018 16:21

It's ok it must have gone over your head

speakout · 04/03/2018 16:22

lipstickhandbag-

OK you have outed me.

QuiteCleanBandit · 04/03/2018 16:23

Baffled nature
I have no idea what you mean ?

natureshaped · 04/03/2018 16:25

Can you think of a word to describe a group of men discussing work/life

DH is in a WhatsApp group chat with his colleagues called "bellends talking bollocks". Should I ask him to change it to "vaginas talking ovaries?" for you in the name of equality?

gillybeanz · 04/03/2018 16:26

Speakout

Ha Ha, no. I went into a call centre, but it's not too bad.
kept up with industry though as same as dh does. Hoping to start my own business up again though, soon.
My transformation was being happy and stress free, on the whole and realising that a job wasn't what defined me it was the person I was.
I know pretty cringe worthy, sorry, but true for me. Grin

PissedOffNeighbour · 04/03/2018 16:30

I was made redundant when I returned to work after DC1, so decided to get on with having DC2 asap, living on the £20k redundancy money as well as DH’s salary. I enjoyed my time as a SAHM but did feel I lost my identity somewhat and I think it affected my confidence.

I think I now have the best of both worlds - I work 4 days a week but get 10 weeks holiday and I have a cleaner Grin. My income means the DC can go on the more expensive school trips like skiing etc.

QuiteCleanBandit · 04/03/2018 16:36

Do what you like natureConfused
I have absolutely no clue what your point is.
My point is that bitchfest is being used in a misogynistic way to shut down debate
Womens discussion =bitchfest

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 16:37

Indeed bitchfest is a pejorative term,used to shut down & minimise women discussion

blueshoes · 04/03/2018 16:37

Quiteclean I don't think nature has anything meaningful to add to the debate. Best to ignore.

QuiteCleanBandit · 04/03/2018 16:39

Done !Wink

speakout · 04/03/2018 16:40

gillybeanz I love that post.

I don't need work to define me either.

ripple73 · 04/03/2018 16:44

pre babies I earned more than my husband (at one point), then DS1 came along and I decided to take 2 years off, except then DS2 came along and then surprise surprise DS3 came along. I had a lot of fun with the kids, but it was also all consuming. It also changed the power dynamic at home and I know I have lost confidence. I am now 12 years out of work from an industry that is quite technical. I've started studying for exams as a springboard back in - but most likely at a lower position.
My advice to new mums is do everything you can to hold on to your job and think long term.

natureshaped · 04/03/2018 16:46

Sorry I have to laugh that you calledLipstickhysterical also says quite after making hysterical comments about the use of the term "bitchfest" being misogyny. Hence unwelcome you to this hysterical bitchfest of your own making.

Sorry it was so difficult for you to comprehend.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 16:47

Work doesn’t define me,but it’s a significant part of who I am,and it’s ideologically compatible with me
Being a parent doesn’t define me either, it’s hugely significant obvs but it’s not the sole component
As I said self identify it’s multifaceted

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 16:48

I agree with ripple73,do think long term,keep working