to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

Trinity66 it's the ethos of Mumsnet though- a bitchfest.

In real life people are much nicer.

It shouldn’t be, but I’m afraid competitive parenting is a real and ugly thing. I’m very much a believer in doing your best for your children, loving and nurturing them and instilling good values (which you will do, or not do, as a WOHP or a SAHP). And then take a step back and measure our own lives by our own achievements, and let our offspring measure their lives by theirs.

Became Aware of the giving things up expectations when I 1st got pg.
Then at baby group,other mums all talking in past tense,I used to be..
Talking as if they’d expired.all the used to..and of course the precious moments speech

Why do you reduce other women having a vociferous debate to bitchfest
So demeaning,in one pejorative word to minimise women dialogue to bitchfest
Speak for yourself. If you think that’s your own contribution.its certainly not mine

I’m very much a believer in doing your best for your children, loving and nurturing them and instilling good values (which you will do, or not do, as a WOHP or a SAHP).

very true

I never knew it was a competition though or people got annoyed with eachother for being one or the other
My plumber complained to me that it was the SAHM's fault that the schooled high expectations of his kids when it comes to reading. He and his wife worked long hours and they simply didn't have the time to listen to their kid's read - it's just not fair!

lipstick- it is not a "vociferous debate" though. It is blatant hostility.

If you are in the mindset of raising women's rights- maybe you should consider your username.

bitchfestThat industrial level of sexism,it is awful.reeks of know your place woman
Don’t get all het up about politics,society,employment, or anything.keep it light
Be nice,be agreeable,be cordial. Otherwise it’s a bitchfest.and no one wants to be a bitch

It’s a gender loaded word to minimise women dialogue.No one uses it to men

Yes and we all love lipstick and handbags.

When our daughters are participative or animated about a topic is that bitchfest?
Do you honestly think it’s a gender neutral term?
Can you not see the pejorative minimisation of women in its use?

Not really. insulting terms are often gender related. Cock lodger, wanker, dickhead.

I'd love to be a SAHP ☹ DH is going for a pretty major promotion that would almost double our income so please please PLEASE Mumsnet 🤞🤞🤞 for us xx

And that just goes to show how illogical people can become orangesticker! As a teacher myself I can vouch for there being no correlation - if parents valued their children’s reading, they’d read to them, join the library, listen to them read, whether both, one or neither parents worked. If they didn’t value it, then sadly, they didn’t do those things

So do you use bitchfest when men are discussing topics?or just women

I work, dc are at school. Our time together is limited but very much valued quality time. Works for us and I love the example dh and I set our 3 dds as we co parent fairly equally.

Lipstick, I've noticed your posts are relentlessly abrasive no matter what the topic. To be fair, I've found some of them quite interesting.
I'm more likely to engage in healthy debate with people - men or women who are at least open to a different point of view.
If you were a man, I would find your particular manner of communication equally off-putting.

Being a SAHM has been the best personal move I have ever made.
Now 20 years since I jacked in my career.
My personal transformation has been amazing.

What did you transform into speak?

I am now a unicorn.

Being a sahm was best for my family too.
I managed 25 years before going to work again.
speakout The transformation was quite distinct for me too, I'm not the same person I was when I was concentrating on my career.

gillybeanz- great. Did you go back to same career?

Pretty sure we all transform quite substantially over 20 or so years. Again, that’s something that’s more to do with a mindset than whether one works or not. I’ve known people who haven’t worked in ages and seem to be stuck in quite a rut; equally you can be working and stuck in a rut, not looking to progress or develop.
Admittedly I haven’t transformed into a unicorn... yet

I’d say having my children is the best personal move I’ve made. That’s been pretty life transforming.

Very true Babbity
I achieved way more than I ever dreamt of with my life and career and have a great balance with time for all my hobbies (see above) plus financial security.