to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

Lipstick - have you even read through the earlier posts to see the research I'm talking about?

But yes - defining ANYONE'S success solely by their earnings is a very narrow definition of what a successful life should look like.

I don't regret it but I work part time and have plenty of time with the children. I want to keep my career active for when they grow up and I like to have money independence.

I’m obvs pointing out the glaring double standard on mn
Berate women for avaricious pursuit if money,career. Minimise as only money
But,well earning men.well they pay for house,activities,tutors,enable sahm. Very commendable

But it's not just about money, is it?

It's about the other things that come with a challenging and high earning career - confidence, a sense of purpose, stimulation, responsibility, knowing you're making a difference, seeing the tangible results of your decisions in medicine; in law; in business; running a huge charity; that sort of stuff. Ironically it's you that's being narrow by thinking it's just about money. Money helps to make life easier, sure - e.g. in time your children would probably prefer not to have to take on huge loans for university fees - but it's not the only reason why people do those sorts of jobs.

As nice and warm said, it’s all about choice!

I was a SAHM for 7 years, until my youngest started school, and am grateful to have had that time. Once ds started school I could happily fill my days cleaning, meeting friends, spending money and fuming but felt I had an ability to earn a decent salary and have an obligation to help to clear the mortgage. We have a joint debt and the quicker it’s cleared the better.

I work full time from home, as an account manager, I cost clients

Do I regret going back to paid work after having children? Not in the slightest. It was absolutely the best thing for us all. Didn't miss anything. Neither did they. Actually, I lie, I did miss my daughter taking her first steps. That was because it happened at a wedding and dh and I were taking it in turns during the speeches to entertain her outside and wouldn't you know it, she wobble-walked for the first time when I was inside. I still feel bad that dh missed his brother's speech.

(I'm at home now btw. For lots of reasons. Kids are teens/pre-teen. It's also currently the best thing for us all. This thread is daft.)

I do question however that by the child engaging in some activities with others it reduces the opportunity for child and primary caregiver attachmen.

This is a bit like saying that my marriage suffers because I sometimes see friends rather than my husband.

Ime,people who say only money are already solvent and have enough
My career it’s the vocational satisfaction,stimulation,sense of purpose
I work because I want to,I chose to.it has significance to me

Hit the wrong button...

I visit clients 3 or 4 days a week, take my children to school, attend all school related events and don’t feel that I miss out at all.

My children are just as happy with me working or not working.

Ime,people who say only money are already solvent and have enough

Totally agree. I'm 100% in favour of women doing whatever works for them and their own families - ft, pt, sah, whatever. But only the most privileged of morons would suggest that working mothers do it because they're so avaricious and materialistic, and come out with bullshit ideas that money somehow doesn't matter or isn't very important. It absolutely does and is, and anyone who says otherwise has never had to go without it.

When I see a post along the lines of 'well maybe skiing holidays and solid gold toilet roll holders are your priorities because there's no other reason you would work, but for ME there's no monetary substitute to seeing the twinkle in my children's eyes', I know the poster is a certified simpleton and I can dismiss everything they ever say from that point onwards.

Niceandwarm - only a minority work in those professions so that logic doesn't apply to the majority. Ironically I work in a profession with extremely well educated, high earning individuals in one of the careers you've mentioned - many are unhappy, stressed and suffering from anxiety and other mental health disorders. Not exactly fulfilled by their successful, high earning careers! Again, high earning does not equate to success in life, even if it enables you to have more holidays

When I see a post along the lines of 'well maybe skiing holidays and solid gold toilet roll holders are your priorities because there's no other reason you would work, but for ME there's no monetary substitute to seeing the twinkle in my children's eyes', I know the poster is a certified simpleton and I can dismiss everything they ever say from that point onwards.

Hear hear!!

You do sound very defensive, giny. Apart from you, nobody cares if you earn a fortune or fuck-all. It's your life. You are making a lot of assumptions about people that work with you. The reality is, they are just as entitled to make their own decisions.

Just don't make snarky comments about bonding and after school clubs etc. It's 2018 and women should support what other women choose to do. Not make snippy comments that are just designed to make themselves feel better about whatever they've chosen for themselves.

(Although I don't get being about nice holidays. Ask people about their cherished childhood memories and many of them will talk about family holidays they enjoyed as a child!)

Again, high earning does not equate to success in life

Success in life is how far you are living the way you wish to live, and are truly happy. You certainly don't need megabucks to be happy or successful but nobody is happy if they're not able to cover the bills.

Which is another reason why the attacks on WOHMs in stupid threads like this one are so ridiculous. As if providing food, shelter and basic necessities isn't a key part of being a parent, ffs. Single working mothers whose children would be freezing and starving if you didn't work, how in the fuck do you cope with hearing such steaming horseshit?

In our modern language, 'success' is often used to mean 'highly paid' when describing a career. People realise this.

Niceandwarm - I'm not making assumptions; I see the medical evidence! Ffs, the assertions made here are ridiculous, several times now my posts are either completely misinterpreted or downright fabricated! Another example - I haven't mentioned bonding once! I also know no one cares how much I earn, why would they?! Again, I was alluding to the research quoted! Why is that so difficult to understand?! Beyond ridiculous.

I'm not a SAHM, so I don't have that to be defensive about. Defensiveness is definitely the other way round here!

It's 2018 and women should support what other women choose to do. Not make snippy comments that are just designed to make themselves feel better about whatever they've chosen for themselves.

Here here!!!!!

That goes for SAHMs, WOHMs, Childfree by choice or otherwise, , etc etc etc

No.i do not have to support what other women choose to do.utter rot
nor will I support someone solely because they’re a woman
I will show support on ideological, pragmatic,or experiential basis.not gender
2018 not all us women need to herd together because we are women

Ok replace woman with person then

Right, but this THREAD is about women, and most of the posts are by women. That's why it's depressing to see women judging other women.

It's 2018 and men should support what other men choose to do
Do you all equally feel hear hear ,and good about men grouping together by gender

No I don't regret it, why would I regret providing for my son? I'm a single mum and I'm so thankful I never gave up employment otherwise I would have been up shit creek without a paddle when my sons dad cheated! I've never been unemployed since the age of 14 so can't imagine it.

Also, I love my job and I don't feel guilty about that. I've made a good career for myself and I'm going to be promoted again soon. I work in the care sector which I love so much.

Why is it depressing to see women judging other women can’t women have a strident discourse
Should us women stick to needlecraft as opposed to a judgement or disagreement
Why shouldn’t women judge other women?if their behaviour/ideological beliefs are at odd with ones own?

Lipstick the overall message is one of being supportive and positive rather than judgemental and derisive towards the choices of others - in the case of this thread and what has been discussed SAHMs and WOHMs....

I think we can all agree the world would benifit from more support and positively for everyone