to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

I loved going back to work (3 days per week), I loved adult company, I loved being able to pee in private or finish a coffee without interruption. I beleive I was a nicer, kinder Mum because I returned to it refreshed.

Being on the career ladder meant that by the time dc were teenage I was in a senior role which gave me much more flexibility and meant I could be around for dc when they needed me. I found that care, love and support for wee ones was easy to find, much more difficult for teenagers, thst was when they really needed ME.

FWIW, my mum left school at 15 and gave up work at 19 to get married and have children. My sisters and I were privately educated. One is a consultant, and has children who had a nanny. I am a basket case. The other has no children. It is all very random, really.

I’ve always worked but took a huge step back for many years
Am soooooo much happier now am back doing something challenging and enjoyable
Do whatever works for you but I am much happier and more suited to being a full time WOHP
Wish I’d done it years ago

I love my job so no regrets on my part. I still feel like I have plenty of fun time with my daughter outside working hours. She also really enjoys after school club and has never complained about lack of time with me. I wouldn't have even have crossed my mind to give up my career if I am honest. Not even if I won the lottery!

^^ Venus: pee in private . That was the one moment when I wished I still had a job. We have no downstairs loo, so every pee involved a mountaineering expedition with babies under my arm and toddlers attached to my leg. I ended up using their potty in the kitchen.

Agreed, my SAH mother encouraged us to achieve more, and to get more opportunity than she had. We all want our kids to have more than we had don’t we?

I do find it strange that people expect their 2/3 year old to be able to verbalize that they’d like some more one on one time with Mum/dad please?! Most adults aren’t that emotionally able. No child loves nursery /after school club more than spending time with their parents when they are under 8.

I went back to work after a year at home. Never in a million years would I want to be a sahp. My relationship with DC would suffer and we'd all be bored shitless. I'm pretty sure I would end up borderline abusive because I'd completely lose perspective and start fretting / obsessing over daft things that don't even matter.

I take time off and have snow / beach / whatever days with DC... And I have enough cash for lovely, regular holidays. And I never have to worry about my DC having to provide for me - because I have a career and savings.

AthenaAshton, I don’t know any men who wonder will they be able to combine careers and children
It’s notable that women wonder it.to me that’s the manifestation of societal/cultural expectations
Expectation that women give things up eg salary,job when they become a parent

My kids don’t prefer nursery and Afterschool to being with us
that’s not the same as they dislike nursery and Afterschool

Lipstick - I’d rather stay at home with my babies than my husband - I think it’s a privilege we get first dibs - for most men it’s not society or financially acceptable or able to be able to stay at home. I feel sorry for men, not women.

Exactly- that point is irrelevant really. You could say children would rather be with their parents than at school, but we just say to them suck it up, you’ve got to go to school

As women we get the choice - men don’t

Of course men do my DH has the children 1 day a week whilst I work 5 days. I know lots of men who shared maternity leave.

When you have a more equal relationship, anything is possible

No child loves nursery /after school club more than spending time with their parents when they are under 8.

I don’t think my daughter prefers nursery to being with me or her dad. Although she definitely loves the social aspect.
I don’t think you can say no child does though.

OP sorry I didn't mean to confuse you. I know that question was directed at you from lipstick. I wasn't tying to answer it for you... or make you think I was asking you the question...??? (I'm not sure what you meant tbh, but clearly there was confusion all around!)

Lipstick said higher up the thread that SAHMs are not providing a good working role model for their children. And I asked her then how come myself and DSis who had a SAHM both managed to be educated to degree or higher and have successful professional careers (and in her case, earning megabucks in the city, with no intention of having DC which my DM is desperate for).

I just don't think like a PP said, there is any one way to be a positive role model for your children and so much depends on personality, academic ability, opportunities, luck, life, the people you meet along the way, circumstances etc etc etc that I don't think it's a simple as saying that children need a female working role model in the family for future success

That’s a problem though as societal/cultural expectation is women do bulk of childcare
It becomes a reinforcement of a limited choice and a stick to beat women with

Lipstick, I have two sons. I have also had the same conversations with them. Please don't start getting at me.

“No child loves nursery /after school club more than spending time with their parents“

Obviously not, but there are many, many other factors to consider in determining what is best for oneself, DC and family.

My Dh was a SAHD with our first. Of course they have the choice.

I’m not in any way getting at you.what a peculiar unfounded comment
It’s an obvious lead on from your comment about dd wondering career & work balance

Like sprinkles, we prefer a more equal relationship. There are joys to be had in working and in caring for children... why limit yourselves?

No child loves nursery /after school club more than spending time with their parents

I don't feel qualified to declare what "all" or "no" children like, but I know my child loves and benefits from nursery and prefers having SOME time there during the week.

I mean, I love my husband but I still want to spend some time with other people as well.

No child loves nursery /after school club more than spending time with their parents when they are under 8.

My child likes going to the childminder. He likes seeing his friends, doing craft and baking and playing with all the childminder's toys.

He also likes being at home with Mummy doing quiet things like reading stories and playing.

Just like I like going out and seeing my friends and I also like having quiet time at home with my husband.

When the childminder is on holiday he asks after her and says he wants to see her and asks when he's going back.

And when I pick him up he's pleased to see me too.

My DT’s loved After School Club - what child wouldn’t? Extra time to play football with your friends, tutors to help get their homework out of the way, opportunity to do new arts and crafts.