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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DH being unreasonable?

327 replies

smileygrapefruit · 01/03/2018 09:33

DH just walked to the shop for a few bits, got to the check out and said "Morning love, crazy weather out there!" She refused to serve him because he'd called her love. For context, we're in Yorkshire where every one calls every one love, DH calls his male friends love. This will probably divide opinion on MN but I'm wondering if it served him right or whether the lady should have served him? He had to walk as we can't get the car out due to the snow and the next shop is going to be a good 40 min walk each way!

OP posts:
mamahanji · 01/03/2018 12:44

I didn't mean I didn't get it. I just meant I didn't like it 😛

I got 'sweetcheeks' the other day which made me throw up in my mouth.

Lifeaback · 01/03/2018 12:44

I'm a southerner living in Yorkshire and find being called love by customers friendly and endearing- I understand it's not to everyone's taste but to not serve him she was being very unreasonable, it's hardly offensive or degrading in the way that 'morning sexy' or similar would be

MichaelBendfaster · 01/03/2018 12:49

mama, oh, OK. That's how it reads though.

CaptainCardamom · 01/03/2018 12:54

Bertrand you're being daft. You can't prove it doesn't happen, and actually it does. I'm from yorkshire and men do call each other love, and furthermore it happens elsewhere too - I've heard cockney men use terms of endearment to each other as well and I don't mean in a camp or luvvie way, I mean the men working in smithfield market.

And I can totally believe this woman is genuinely getting shitty about it too, because believe it of not, some women do go over the top with the excessive offence-taking. Of course that kind of thing can be made up as well, but it doesn't mean it can't happen.

Bluelady · 01/03/2018 12:54

So it's OK-ish from a woman, OP. Glad you eventually got your shopping, shame it had to be such a palaver.

CaptainCardamom · 01/03/2018 12:57

And by getting your rage up about it being an "anti-feminist meme", you're kind of on thin ice yourself...

ToastyFingers · 01/03/2018 15:36

In South Wales men and women alike call stranger 'love'. Also 'butt' as in 'alright butt?' which translates to 'how's it going buddy?'

Thinking about it now, most people elsewhere would probably object to being called a synonym for arse.

BumDisease · 01/03/2018 16:00

I work in a job where the vast majority of customers are male. I get called everything; honey, darling, sweetheart, etc. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. But I do find it a bit weird when men call me pal/mate for some reason!

Pinkvoid · 01/03/2018 16:59

I’m also in Yorkshire and I loathe pet names all together but if I refused to talk to anyone at work that called me love I’d soon be out of a job Grin. She sounds a bit crazy.

AskingForAnEnemy · 01/03/2018 17:18

I'm up north and work in a shop, I get lots of terms of endearment, I don't mind it in the slightest.

I have to say though that if any of my customers tell me to "have a nice day" I can guarantee they are southerners. Southerners are just as friendly as northerners in my experience they just show it differently

Moussemoose · 01/03/2018 17:22

In Manchester. In working class areas men call each other love. They just do.

I work occasionally with bricklayers/plasterers etc they all call each other love.

Sorry if you don't like it. You may have other experiences but in my experience no one blinks an eyelid.

CrumblungUnderHobnobCrumbs · 01/03/2018 17:24

I hate being called love, darling, sweetheart...
However unless he was particularly patronising or using it with "that" tone then she over-reacted.

Glumglowworm · 01/03/2018 17:26

I absolutely hate being called love, dear, pet, duck etc by strangers, especially customers. It sets my teeth on edge and makes me dislike them instantly.

But I don’t show or tell them that. Because I act professional. And if I did tell a customer to stop and they complained, it would get put against me because I was rude when a customer was being friendly.

I don’t mind friends using terms of endearment (and I live in a place where men call each other “butt” Hmm affectionately). In fact I don’t really mind strangers doing it if I’m in a shop or whatever. It’s literally just when I’m at work and customers do it that i can’t stand it.

Nanny0gg · 01/03/2018 17:32

@Aquamarine1029

Grin

I have never had a problem with it. I'm southern so it's rare I hear it. It's friendly!

My favourite though, is meduck. Love that one.

MadRainbow · 01/03/2018 17:37

Some people can be so weird, I'm from Essex and I find 'love', 'darlin', 'sweetheart' all normal parts of the dialect from both men and women - made me laugh when a 10 year old boy called me babe whilst I was working but I no way am I ever offended.

However I did experience a very grumpy older fella when I was working in a busy fast food place; I called him one of the above and he tore me a new one - I was really upset cos it's always seemed so normal to me.

My PIL have pulled me up on it frequently and actually I find it quite offensive that they do so. It's a part of me and I feel as if it's a personal attack

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 01/03/2018 17:44

I've heard him say it a million trillion times and know he didn't say it in 'that' way. He wouldn't even have thought about saying it, which is why he was caught so off guard by her response.

Haha "butt" is a new one on me. Might try it next time I'm in that shop 😜

OP posts:
Thymeout · 01/03/2018 17:49

I think terms of endearment from strangers in day-to-day interaction are so universal, whether gender specific or not, that people who think they are offensive should get over themselves and not encourage others to read too much into them.

The other day, a Sainsbury's assistant called me dear, darling and love in one interaction over where to find the condensed milk. It's as ingrained as please and thank you and oils the gears of communal life. The last thing I want is for people to feel as self-conscious and awkward as they now do about random encounters with people of different races.

lifechangesforever · 01/03/2018 18:38

You've done "extensive research" on men calling each other 'love' Hmm

I've lived in Yorkshire all of my 30 years, I'm guessing I know it quite well and qualified to say whether it's true or not.

EeeSheWasThin · 01/03/2018 18:46

I remember an ex of mine from “down south” being a bit bemused by the bus drivers in South Yorkshire saying “Alright cock?”

Nanny you get a lot of meduck round here Wink

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 01/03/2018 18:47

Ha I've just read the thread back, I'd missed that "extensive research" post! Were there questionnaires and everything? How big was your sample size Bert?

OP posts:
user764329056 · 01/03/2018 18:55

The world’s gone nuts

RaspberryCheese · 01/03/2018 19:10

Maybe he will refuse to go in her shop from now on and see how she likes that. Some yorkshire folk can be funny fuckers anyway.

PurplePotatoes · 01/03/2018 19:24

Another one from West Yorkshire here and must admit I don't hear men calling each other love often but my DH and his mates used to do it when I met him in his 20's (which I must admit I found strange as I'd never heard it before and I've lived in the same town as him all my life!)

angelcat3 · 02/03/2018 17:37

She needs to get a grip, silly cow

Smudge100 · 02/03/2018 17:38

Being called 'love' irritates the heck out of me - i think it's very patronising and I once complained when a male member of staff in Sainsbury's called me 'love' in a very abrasive fashion, on the basis that I pay his wages, so he's no business patronising me. However, in this situation, the boot is on the other foot. If customers called me 'love', I grit my teeth and smile and that's what this woman should have done.