I don't know how I feel about abortion anymore

[sirlee66]

I've always been very pro-choice. A woman's body. A woman's right to choose.

I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first and now I think my thoughts are changing.

I believe the cut off is 24 weeks? There was a lovely lady on here the other day whose waters broke and she gave birth to a baby girl at 25 weeks! If a baby can survive that early... It just seems...wrong!

Maybe the cut off could be lowered. I started feeling flutters at about 15 weeks so maybe before then.

I don't know what the answer is. I still feel really strongly that ultimately, the mother should decide but I just can't get past babies surviving outside the womb at the same age as a baby that could be aborted.

Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones. I also can't stop think about the poor women who have to make that decision. It must be so awful and I just want to give them a big hug.

I guess my question is, AIBU to not really know how I feel about it?

I went to great lengths to have my second child. Our family is complete but we are now poor.
A third child would be an absolute disaster for us financially. We are taking precautions obviously but if there was an accident I would be having an abortion for the sake of my living children. One size does not fit all here.

Backscratchesforever

I think the cut off should be 14 weeks, 24 weeks in place only for severe medical issues with the fetus and maybe 20 weeks for mothers with cancer

You think the rights of a foetus should be more important than the rights of a woman with a potentially terminal illness?

Ooooookkkkkkk.

My son was stillborn at 26 weeks, and I find it very upsetting to think that terminations are carried out at that stage and later, but I also think that thank goodness some women have that choice and don't have to go through another trimester of pregnancy with a child that won't survive delivery. It's a subject that isn't at all comfortable to discuss or think about - I think the PP who said it's about pro-choice had it spot on.

I think YANBU, OP.

The bottom line is, it's nobody else's business. For me personally, absent a severe medical condition, abortion would never have been a choice I would have made, and I am very lucky I never had to face that.

For anyone else on the planet? Absolutely up to them and absolutely none of my business whatsoever unless it's a close friend or relative asking for support. And even then whatever they choose to do is not my business! I support freedom of choice for women and that's it.

But I do think it's usually the case that rabid pro-lifers (in my experience usually encountered in the comments section on Facebook articles!) have zero interest in supporting the life once it's been born.

I don't like the idea of abortions beyond 12 weeks especially when there are so many people desperate to have children - it would seem better to have more babies to put up for adoption.

Seriously? Women who want to terminate a pregnancy should be forced to go through with it to provide babies for infertile couples to adopt?

There is no 24 week limit for terminations where babies are found to have severe abnormalities, terminations can be up to term for the above reason.

‘Social’ terminations have the 24 week limit but as other posters have said it is very rare for terminations to be carried out this late and there are usually extenuating circumstances.

I was always pro choice in theory and then I had an awful pregnancy and labour that I found very traumatic. I was desperate for my son but my life has changed almost beyond recognition since having him. I am so vehemently pro choice now that I’ve almost lost friends (lapsed catholics) that are pro life over it. I can’t for the life of my understand how sane, empathetic, intelligent women could argue that forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy to term is humane. I do find the idea of late abortions uncomfortable but then I’m sure the women who endure them find them a lot worse than that.

Ba bies don’t just survive at 25 weeks though - they require a huge amount of intervention, medical support- many still die despite this and many more have lifelong issues as a result

Most terminations post 20 weeks (less than 1% of the total I think) are very sad - often for medical reasons or awful life situations

I am 100% pro choice

I think it is reasonable to be extremely uneasy about aborting a viable foetus.

There comes a point where it is unacceptable to put the mother's rights before the baby's, and it isn't only at birth.

That means a cut off point exists somewhere, and we can talk about that without being shamed for it.

I can't imagine a termination for any reason, and accept that is my choice. I would like a world where a woman can continue a pregnancy with a child she doesn't want but still feel supported and not punished. In the mean time, I see abortion as a necessary evil, but we should work toward eliminating the necessity.

especially when there are so many people desperate to have children - it would seem better to have more babies to put up for adoption.

How very handmaids tale.

I've always been very pro-choice, except for the period when I was having children and, indeed miscarriages. At that stage I just couldn't contemplate the possibility of voluntarily terminating a pregnancy, except maybe for health problems in me or the baby. But ultimately I recognised that you cannot decide issues as important as this on the basis of what I felt at a particularly hormonal and emotional stage in my life.

I also struggle with Iceland celebrating the fact that no babies with Downs Syndrome were born last year.

When my dd was born she was in so much pain, they didn't pick up on her medical condition in her scan.

Her whole tiny life was filled with tests, procedures and pain before she died.

I was already pregnant a year later when I got the results back from her tests to say that her condition was likely genetic. I wouldn't have found out if my baby had the same condition until after 20 weeks.

Damned right I would have had an abortion to save my baby going through what my daughter did and I'm so grateful that option was available.

I was fortunate that my baby didn't have the condition.

If she had and I didn't have access to an abortion I don't know what I would have done, but having another child go through what my daughter did wasn't an option at all for me. I may even have considered ending my own life to save my baby going through what my daughter did.

As early as possible, as late as necessary, is what I think. There shouldn't be a cut off point at all.

Definitely think it's important to note that babies born at 24 weeks only have a 50% chance of survival - and a large proportion have life-changing or limiting health and developmental issues. So yes, your baby might be viable, but only just.

I don't like the idea of abortions beyond 12 weeks especially when there are so many people desperate to have children - it would seem better to have more babies to put up for adoption.

I know that it is not really your point, but that's even worse, when you think about it. It gives an utilitarian reason as to why women have to be incubators: be useful for those who can't: male gay people or barren couple (which is why we should reaaaalllllyyyy keep an eye on any possible shift in the demographics of the forced-birthers.)

I believe it is a woman’s choice. I don’t think late abortions are taken lightly and the later the abortion I would hope the more support and advice offered from doctors. I do believe it should be done as early as possible, but this all depends on circumstances. Those receiving bad news at 20week scans and making these difficult decisions should be a priority to be seen quickly once that decision has been made.

Those that think going through with a pregnancy and then having child adopted have never been through the emotional turmoil of knowing you have a child out there somewhere that you don’t see, you get a letter or 2 a year and know very little about yet a complete stranger (or 2) know a wealth of information about you. It is literally like living without your soul. Please don’t spill the “just have the baby adopted”

On a more difficult note, I do think it can be hard for men sometimes. My uncle's then girlfriend had an abortion in the 70's when he was desperate to have the baby, but there was nothing he could do. He still talks about it, over 40 years later. Another friend of mine had an abortion because she was in a new relationship, and her partner was similarly devastated. They are still happy together and now have 2 DC, but again he found it v hard at the time.

It has to be that way of course, as it's the woman's body and ultimately the woman's choice, but I think sometimes it can be very upsetting for men if they wanted a different outcome.

Most pro-choice people don't feel thrilled about the prospect of an abortion at 24 weeks. It might help to remember that the vast majority of abortions occur well before that (usually before 12 weeks) and that when an abortion at 24 weeks does occur it's usually because of medical necessity. Lowering the cut off would only put more women at risk without reducing later term abortions (because there are so few of them anyway), so the balance lies in favour of allowing them to protect women's rights.

I do understand your feelings OP and you don't have to feel happy about it as long as you don't actively think the law should be changed.

" I would like a world where a woman can continue a pregnancy with a child she doesn't want but still feel supported and not punished."

How could that ever be possible?

I had three relatively easy births, full term.

Despite them all being fairly straightforward, I have two separate health conditions arising from those pregnancies and births, irritating, sometimes painful, but not enough to make a real fuss. All the same, they are birth injuries, and I could have avoided them by not going full term with those pregnancies.

I have a friend for whom giving birth nearly killed her. It was eight years before she dared have another.

I have another friend who had hyperemesis the whole way through, another who was on bed rest for months.

'Having the baby and having it adopted' ignores the very real effects that pregnancy and birth can have on a woman's body. It's a sort of abstract idealised view. But a real woman has to carry that baby, effectively donating her organs to it, for months.

picklemepopcorn are u opposed to termination for all medical complications then?

I do think that being pregnant makes you think more deeply about abortion. I found that too. It made me realise how difficult a decision it must be and how incredibly important it is for women to have the choice and proper support.

I ended up having amnio's with both pregnancies and luckily everything was ok both times. I feel very fortunate not to have been faced with having to make the decision whether to terminate a pregnancy.

To the people arguing that women should carry unwanted babies for infertile people to adopt- may i remind you we have a care system packed to the rafters with unwanted living children.
Even unwanted babies might not tick the boxes needed to be adopted by infertile couples for various reasons, such as drug addicted babies, disabled babies etc.

@PhelanThePain No OP. You said that you started feeling flutters at 15 weeks so the abortion limit should be below 15 weeks. Why based on your very personal experience should the law be changed?

• You've misunderstood, Phelan. I said: 'I started feeling flutters at about 15 weeks so maybe before then.' A suggested limit which didn't seem as severe as 24 weeks when a baby could survive outside the womb. I suggested 15 weeks because, Like I said before and @BumpInTheOven explained so well: it affected her quite badly as she'd started feeling flutters

I don't think it should be lowered as you don't find out until 20 weeks at the scan whether your baby has any disabilities that may make you decide to terminate.

But these are allowed outside of the cut off currently anyway. And should stay that way.