I don't know how I feel about abortion anymore

[sirlee66]

I've always been very pro-choice. A woman's body. A woman's right to choose.

I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first and now I think my thoughts are changing.

I believe the cut off is 24 weeks? There was a lovely lady on here the other day whose waters broke and she gave birth to a baby girl at 25 weeks! If a baby can survive that early... It just seems...wrong!

Maybe the cut off could be lowered. I started feeling flutters at about 15 weeks so maybe before then.

I don't know what the answer is. I still feel really strongly that ultimately, the mother should decide but I just can't get past babies surviving outside the womb at the same age as a baby that could be aborted.

Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones. I also can't stop think about the poor women who have to make that decision. It must be so awful and I just want to give them a big hug.

I guess my question is, AIBU to not really know how I feel about it?

It's two separate things - how you personally feel about whether you would have an abortion, and then how you feel about allowing other women to make that choice for themselves.

For me, there would be very few circumstances where I would have an abortion. For other women, for me, the choice is up to them - nothing to do with me.

I actually think it is pretty despicable for a woman who is carrying a healthy, wanted baby to judge any other woman’s decision about her own pregnancy

24 weeks allows for people who have a termination on medical grounds. There are some conditions that are not found until the 20 week scan that mean a bavy has no chance of survival outside of the womb. It would be unnesscarily cruel to force a woman to continue a pregnancy in those circumstances because the limit was lowered. As a pro choice person, all you can do is set your own limit. Personally, I wouldn't have an abortion after 8 weeks, if at all. I'm pro choice though.

@Justanotherzombie Nobody is pro-abortion remember, just pro-choice. This! Thank you - This is exactly what I needed to hear.

@AnnaleeP I'm going to suggest you do a little research into the reasons why someone might request a termination so late before you start with the moral judgements. - Absolutely. One of the reasons ' I also can't stop think about the poor women who have to make that decision. It must be so awful and I just want to give them a big hug.

The trouble is, with medical technology improving we will be able to keep babies alive earlier and earlier. Should we keep reducing the abortion limit just because we can theoretically keep a baby alive at X weeks? Nobody is having 24 week abortions frivolously.

I'm going to suggest you do a little research into the reasons why someone might request a termination so late before you start with the moral judgements.

This. This x100. If you're in the fortunate position not to have been given devastating news at a 20 week scan, think yourself bloody lucky.....but don't dare to judge the decisions of others who haven't been so fortunate.

I don't think it should be lowered as you don't find out until 20 weeks at the scan whether your baby has any disabilities that may make you decide to terminate. I remember thinking how late this was when I was pregnant as you'd only have 4 weeks to arrange a termination.
Until scans can be done earlier to confirm disabilities then the limit can't be lowered.

I guess my question is, AIBU to not really know how I feel about it?

The thing is, it doesn't matter how you feel about it. It matters that you understand that your feelings should not influence what other women can or can't do.

Interestingly having my children has made me feel the opposite. I was always pro choice but now am even more so. Having my children has meant so many health risks, mental challenges and life changes for me. Even if I hadn't raised them myself the difficulty of my (easy) births and pregnancy, the lasting impact on my body etc was huge. I had difficult news at the 20 week scan but it could have been far worse. The thought that people would shut down options if the news had been worse is quite upsetting.

The whole point of being pro choice is just that! Pro individual choice! Not yours not mine and not anyone else’s apart from the pregnant woman.

Your feelings are completely valid! For you.

Have s great pregnancy xx

Yanbu to "not really know" how you feel about it anymore. But pro-choice is pro-choice. You cannot have it both ways. And for some women it is not "awful", for some an abortion is a welcome relief.

Abortion is a private matter between a woman and the doctor performing it. I wish everyone else would keep out of it!
It really doesn’t matter what anyone’s opinion is - they have no right to inflict their views or wishes onto someone else’s body.
If you don’t want an abortion, then that’s fine for you- don’t have one.
But you really shouldn’t be telling other women what they can do with their own bodies and when. There’s enough interference already from (largely male) politicians and lawmakers.

Maybe the cut off could be lowered. I started feeling flutters at about 15 weeks so maybe before then

This is the problem right here. Why would you imagine for a second that because you felt something in pregnancy, every other womans choices should be curtailed?
I cant understand that mindset. The sheer arrogance and inhumanity of it.

I had a 23+5 week abortion. I honestly didn't know I was pregnant until 21 weeks then we had tests, they couldn't say there was a medical reason but I'd had lots of meds. And 2 mri scans whilst pregnant and 2 under 3 at home plus I was on the rod protection. It's taken 10 years to come to terms with but it was still the right decision. Hope that helps.

sirlee66 you can be pro choice but know its unlikely you would have. I think very few people can never because of issues around rape, conditions like osteogenia imperfecta (sp?), maternal cancer etc.
I have personal feelings about abortions for down syndrome, Edwards, cleft palate etc and wouldn't, I have strong opinions about abortion being offered freely up to birth like some advocate, but ultimately if it isn't my body, I don't get to choose.

@PhelanThePain 'Why on earth would the abortion law be changed based on when you felt flutters?!...Flutters indeed' – Exactly for the reason @BumpInTheOven explains: it affected her quite badly as she'd started feeling flutters.

You don't have to personally approve of a decision to understand that somebody else might need to make it anyway.

As pp have said, the vast vast majority of abortions happen very early on. The 24 week limit is there because anomalies may not be picked up until the 20 week scan. Those women still need options. Also I believe the foetus can't metabolise oxygen independently before around 23 or 24 weeks which is why many hospitals won't attempt life saving measures if a child is born at this point. Some counties won't attempt it even later due to the high level of resulting disabilities.
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I don't think many women are waiting until that late to have an abortion for the fun of it.

I don't like the idea of abortions beyond 12 weeks especially when there are so many people desperate to have children - it would seem better to have more babies to put up for adoption. But it's not my place to tell other women what to do with their bodies and it's definitely not the place of grey-suited middle aged men in Westminister (and more particularly, Stormont) to tell women what to do with their bodies.

It's not an easy issue at all but in the end I cannot come to terms with forcing a woman to put her body through pregnancy and birth under any circumstances.

I believe the vast majority of abortions happen before 10 weeks, (around 8 weeks I think is national average I read somewhere)
The majority of later abortions are due to a test that cant be done before 18 weeks or so. If the test comes back positive, and the parents opt to terminate the pregnancy it’s a much later abortion.

I think that going through pregnancy made me see both sides more clearly. On the one hand I very much thought of them as babies and loved them from a very early gestation, so I can completely understand why people can object so strongly to abortion. On the other hand, I could see how incredibly difficult pregnancy, birth, and caring for a baby/babies can be, even under ideal circumstances. And that actually even for a planned and/or wanted pregnancy there are circumstances where abortion might be considered. I think for many people it's a grey moral area and it's easy to see why pregnancy would make it greyer, so no, you're not being unreasonable.

@Chibsortig Most people protesting the limit needs to be lowered have not needed to use the service offered. Protesting a service you wont use seems daft if you ask me - That's actually a really good point and I did not think of it that way. Thank you.

No OP. You said that you started feeling flutters at 15 weeks so the abortion limit should be below 15 weeks. Why based on your very personal experience should the law be changed? 15 weeks was when you felt flutters. Some women never felt flutters. So by that logic the abortion limit should be increased to 40+ weeks. Right?

I'm 24 weeks, as coincidence would have it, and my stance on abortion is unchanged: the limit exists for good reason and I respect that, and a woman's right to choose.

My baby has been noticeably barrelling around in there for over ten weeks now, and even makes my (sizeable) stomach ripple occasionally. So of course I can't imagine aborting now. But my baby is, to the best of our knowledge, healthy and thriving.

If my baby were sick, disabled to the point that they would have little-to-no quality of life or endangering me in any way then I would almost certainly have aborted. It's not a decision that women take lightly. It's not your decision either.