I don't know how I feel about abortion anymore

[sirlee66]

I've always been very pro-choice. A woman's body. A woman's right to choose.

I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first and now I think my thoughts are changing.

I believe the cut off is 24 weeks? There was a lovely lady on here the other day whose waters broke and she gave birth to a baby girl at 25 weeks! If a baby can survive that early... It just seems...wrong!

Maybe the cut off could be lowered. I started feeling flutters at about 15 weeks so maybe before then.

I don't know what the answer is. I still feel really strongly that ultimately, the mother should decide but I just can't get past babies surviving outside the womb at the same age as a baby that could be aborted.

Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones. I also can't stop think about the poor women who have to make that decision. It must be so awful and I just want to give them a big hug.

I guess my question is, AIBU to not really know how I feel about it?

"She was very 'it is what it is' about the termination situation and mutual friends were all very shocked how calm she seemed after the procedure. Just odd"
Sounds like she's better off without you all, frankly.

If you recognise that she was in a situation where she needed extensive support and counselling why are you judging her so much? Even if you believe she made the wrong decision due to her frame of mind? Why does a wrong (to you) decision made at a time when she was struggling warrant being cut off? Are you generally someone who is unable to empathise?

I have a lot of friends who have made choices I disagreed with - some minor, some major. I haven't dumped them. There's something very holier-than-thou about doing that. I hope your ex-friend finds the friends she deserves - real friends who will be there for her even if she does things they do not agree with. I'm at your casual dismissal of a person in need.

I would find it hard to understand such a decision in view of the fact that she really wanted the baby, but I do understand the calmness tbh. She must have been badly hurt by the relationship breakdown and was possibly relieved that there would be no further connection with her ex.

Also, calmness does not equal a lack of emotion, necessarily, it can be a coping mechanism to enable us to cope when we're trying desperately not to fall apart. (Obviously I don't know this, I'm suggesting there may be another way of looking at it.)

To cut her off when she's gone through such a difficult time is very callous quite frankly.

To cut her off when she's gone through such a difficult time is very callous quite frankly. 

You wouldn't be saying that if you kept on miscarrying with your DH and previous to that, was in a worse situation to her with an ex but ended up losing twin boys through no fault of your own.

I wasn't nasty to her, I stepped away from her for my own well-being.

I would. I've had multiple miscarriages and would have supported my friend without question. You were no friend of hers, it wasn;t your business to judge her.

I'm surprised this document hasn't been linked to already www.bpas.org/media/1181/32-reasons-not-to-lower-the-abortion-time-limit-briefing.doc

32 reasons not to lower the time limit - 32 reasons girls and women sought late terminations.

The ones I find most upsetting are the 18yo who was facing an arranged marriage and had to have support to tell her family and possibly emergency accommodation arranged and the mother of two who found out her partner had been sexually abusing her two daughters. Not one of those women or girls wanted to end their pregnancy for frivoulous reasons. No-one ever does, especially at such late stages.

I'm infertile and my DDs are adopted so it would be very difficult for me to understand, I also had a baby that died when I was abused as a child. I wouldn't find it easy, but I can't imagine cutting a friend off who was going through such a hard time.

I do understand backing off, but judging her is another thing.

My sister told me she'd just had an abortion in the same call I made to her to tell her I was pregnant
It threw me all over the place.

Why? The two things are not connected in anyway.

There is no ideal. I am against abortion personally. I would not do it. I am pro-life. But I believe in a woman's right to choose. I am not anybody's moral judge.

I am against abortion personally as well. But I have no desire to impose my views on other women. That is practically a definition of "pro choice"

'You wouldn't be saying that if you kept on miscarrying with your DH and previous to that, was in a worse situation to her with an ex but ended up losing twin boys through no fault of your own. '

She's better off without you, Drew and these so-called 'friends'. I have friends who had late terminations. I am also the mother of a child who died, age 9. They are separate events with no bearing upon one another. So no, don't feel at all judgemental of them just because of what I've been through .

@DrewBerry95 ok, first of all you don't know anything about anyone posting in this thread so kindly shut up.

Second, what happened to you has nothing to do with your ex friend, and her decisions about her own life should not be influenced by what happened in yours. Would you have stepped in if she continued with the pregnancy and discovered that she couldn't cope after all?

Itsu thanks for clarification - yes I am pro-choice for others, pro-life personally

“Itsu thanks for clarification - yes I am pro-choice for others, pro-life personally”

No you’re not. You’re just pro choice. One of the choices available is not to have an abortion.

She was very 'it is what it is' about the termination situation and mutual friends were all very shocked how calm she seemed after the procedure. Just odd

How the fuck would you know what she was/is feeling inside about it? Bet you and your mutual friends had a right good old bitching session about her didn't you?

You wouldn't be saying that if you kept on miscarrying with your DH and previous to that, was in a worse situation to her with an ex but ended up losing twin boys through no fault of your own.

Different person, different life, different journey.

Who decides on "quality of life?"

I have a severly disabled boy who is a challenge and a delight...his quality of life is amazing! He will always use a wheelchair for distance, he will always be fed through a tube, he may never talk, he will live with me forever!
He is mostly happy, communicates using his own methods, he is wonderful and everyone who meets him falls in love!

I have friends with children with DS who are living wonderful lives too and are much more independent than my child in mainstream school.

My friend has a child who is disabled but can communicate and is an amazing character. She was pursuaded to terminate at 38 weeks due to him bring incompatible with life ! They obviously didn't!

After DS was born I became pregnant again. I refused tests ...I couldn't abort when I'd already created an amazing life .... Was this child less worthy than the 2 previous!
I'd cope because I had to... funnily enough my eldest was DX with ASD...DD is neurotypical!

Despite all this...these are my choices and my opinions.... Everyone else had to make thier own.

Children with disabilities are not a life sentence .... But women need to be able to make thier own informed choices.
I am not a doctor but I have gone against the decision of many doctors ....they have been wrong...because they are not infallible!

I just hate the saying "quality of life?"

The person facing the prospect of living with it decides on quality of life, thats who.

You wouldn't be saying that if you kept on miscarrying with your DH and previous to that, was in a worse situation to her with an ex but ended up losing twin boys through no fault of your own.

You just sound very bitter, @DrewBerry95 I know you've been through a lot, but so have a lot of us on here. But you shouldn't take your anger and pain on a friend who made what must have been a heartbreaking decision about her pregnancy. I don't care how calm she acted, it will not have been an easy decision for her.

In all probability she couldn't express to you what she was actually feeling because she knew you and her friends were judging her.

I think that some people have this unconscious feeling that “pro choice” somehow means “compulsory abortion”. Of course it doesn’t - people still decide to birth and raise children with severe disabilities, for example. Everyone has to choose what’s right for them. That’s what pro choice means.

I believe women should have the right to terminate a pregnancy on request right up to the moment of birth. It is no one else's business if they choose to do so. It's important to put that right into law because hardly any woman will ever use it for non-medical reasons but it needs to be there to prevent woman-hating scumbags and forced birthers from endangering women's lives by trying to ban terminations after some or other arbitrary date.

I also believe in and support the right of any woman to continue a pregnancy against medical advice and/or family pressure to terminate.

Some women who have struggled with fertility issues are very anti-choice and judgemental. The fact that this is a reflection of their own pain is understandable, but they are still wrong: what another woman does with regard to her own pregnancy has no effect on the angry friend's reproductive capacity.