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Original poster

I don't know how I feel about abortion anymore

803 replies

sirlee66 · 28/02/2018 16:05

I've always been very pro-choice. A woman's body. A woman's right to choose.

I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first and now I think my thoughts are changing.

I believe the cut off is 24 weeks? There was a lovely lady on here the other day whose waters broke and she gave birth to a baby girl at 25 weeks! If a baby can survive that early... It just seems...wrong!

Maybe the cut off could be lowered. I started feeling flutters at about 15 weeks so maybe before then.

I don't know what the answer is. I still feel really strongly that ultimately, the mother should decide but I just can't get past babies surviving outside the womb at the same age as a baby that could be aborted.

Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones. I also can't stop think about the poor women who have to make that decision. It must be so awful and I just want to give them a big hug.

I guess my question is, AIBU to not really know how I feel about it?

OP posts:
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 23:23

Ok. I hadn't read the previous messages.

tinkywinky2018 · 01/03/2018 23:50

Why are we bothering to argue with bluepears? An idiotic anti-choice loon who can neither spell nor quote nor use a fecking full stop, who does not understand her own arguments let alone anyone elses, and repeatedly confuses their own wrong opinions with facts.
Don't feed the troll.

tinkywinky2018 · 01/03/2018 23:56

A friend of mine had a late termination at 21Weeks. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore

For which I imagine she is eternally grateful. Her termination rid her of an unwanted pregnancy AND a fucking horrible "friend".

starlightafar · 02/03/2018 00:11

I wouldn't fall out with a friend for having any termination.
Doubt she was out partying the next weekend.
Massive trauma to have gone through.

MrsMaxwell · 02/03/2018 00:25

I had a termination 24 years ago.

My child would be 24 this April. There is rarely a day in my life when I have not thought about the what ifs of my first baby. The three wonderful children I went on to have after that period of my life know about that baby and the whys and wherefores.

I was in an abusive relationship and a heroin addict, I was not capable of being a parent as I could not look after myself.

Anyone who chooses to judge me can and fuck themselves quite frankly as they were not living my life then or offering to be pregnant for me or take away my feelings.

No one has the right to judge anyone unless they have walked in their shoes.

GrockleBocs · 02/03/2018 00:46

If someone kills a baby in utero at 39 weeks, they aren't charged with murder. Any argument about foetal rights needs to start there. A baby who is stillborn at 24 weeks or later doesnt get an inquest. Nobody officially asks for a reason.
I doubt the abortion statistics distinguish between TFMR at 23+6 and termination for no reason other than maternal choice. If they do it would be interesting to see that split. And I'd put money on the women who went through with a 24 week abortion, for reasons other than foetal abnormality, had something major happening.

Notgettingmuch · 02/03/2018 01:01

To completely derail this thread back to the original question, Sirlee66 I think it is perfectly normal to have the doubts you are talking about at this stage in your life.

Yes your hormones will be raging, but they are raging for a reason and one of those reasons to to make sure you will protect your baby from harm at all costs. So of course it's natural for you to start looking at the idea of termination in a different light.

I was exactly the same. Very, very vocally pro-woman / pro-choice. So much so it wasn't a stance I had ever questioned or thought about. It was instinctive.

Until I was pregnant with my DC1 and I had my first MW appointment. When I realised she was asking me if I would like to put my baby at risk so I could test to see if I wanted to terminate the baby if there was something 'wrong' it I was furious, incredulous and utterly disgusted at the idea. I nearly threw up and burst into tears on the spot. I couldn't believe that someone was suggesting it was OK to measure by baby's worth on its health credentials.

That was the point my Mummy Instincts kicked in and they never stopped!

I'm not anti-abortion. I'm just very grateful I've never had to consider it.

tinkywinky2018 · 02/03/2018 01:20

Yes your hormones will be raging, but they are raging for a reason and one of those reasons to to make sure you will protect your baby from harm at all costs. So of course it's natural for you to start looking at the idea of termination in a different light

what rot

Lightbulb57 · 02/03/2018 03:32

I have always been pro-choice, whilst believing that personally I wouldn’t choose to have a termination. I have now been placed in the awful position where it may become a possibility. My baby appears to have many problems. As a mother of 2 already, I have a variety of things to consider.

The idea that someone else can judge me, my circumstances and choices makes me angry. How dare anyone pass judgement on what I am going through.

Lizzie48 · 02/03/2018 07:35

That's not fair, @tinkywinky2018 @Notgettingmuch was simply identifying with the OP's feelings, saying she experienced it too. She wasn't saying that obviously all women will feel the same, and she said she's still pro choice.

It's not rot, it's her personal experience. Just because it isn't every woman's experience, which is obviously the case, it doesn't make it right to mock it.

canttake · 02/03/2018 07:59

I'm guessing rot said it was nonsense because of the idea that lovely hormonal "mummy instincts" are the things kicking in against abortion.

Lots of women won't feel that way about others having abortions - don't they have the right instincts then?

And some will be having abortions because of their "mummy instincts".

Lizzie48 · 02/03/2018 08:10

But she was talking about her own experience not anyone else's. She's still pro choice. But I do get that she could have worded it a bit differently.

canttake · 02/03/2018 08:12

Sorry tinky not rot Grin

And absolutely, I get the gist, but it's also pretty decided in saying "it's because of your instincts as a mum".

Spikeyball · 02/03/2018 08:28

I think now I have a child I would be more likely to have an abortion because the needs of my living child come before the needs of a potential child. I don't think I would go through with a pregnancy that if the child born from the pregnancy would need a level of care that would have a large impact on my son who himself needs a great deal of care.

JassyRadlett · 02/03/2018 09:20

I think now I have a child I would be more likely to have an abortion because the needs of my living child come before the needs of a potential child.

Exactly this. I have much greater responsibilities than I had pre-kids.

JassyRadlett · 02/03/2018 09:22

Lightbub, I’m so so sorry about your situation. Huge strength to you. Flowers

DrewBerry95 · 02/03/2018 10:01

I understand and support fully that sometimes terminations up to 24 weeks are completely necessary.

But, I'm still shocked that a lot of you think what I said my previous friend did is fine and completely acceptable.

She chose to abort at 21 weeks because she didn't want to be a single mother. When did life become so cheap?

Previous to this she was really happy to be pregnant.

Aborting a fetus of 21 weeks just because you don't fancy doing it on your own doesn't sound like an extenuating circumstance to me.

Extenuating circumstances are things like abnormalities picked up at 20 weeks scan, etc.

whyhastherumgone · 02/03/2018 10:19

Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing @drewberry95 - maybe she was thinking she would struggle to afford things/support them both without her partner - maybe she was under difficult circumstances.

I just can't believe a decision like that would be taken lightly, and the actual experience wouldn't have been a walk in the park believe me, so cutting out a friend entirely at a time when they likely need most support just seems shocking to me.

squeekums · 02/03/2018 10:43

Notgettingmuch Yes your hormones will be raging, but they are raging for a reason and one of those reasons to to make sure you will protect your baby from harm at all costs. So of course it's natural for you to start looking at the idea of termination in a different light

What crap
pregnancy cemented my beleif on every woman should get a choice and abortion should be legal and easily available
Hormones didnt make me protect at all costs, if that were the case i would have found out before 27 weeks and my body would have shown signs of pregnancy
To this day, ive never been clucky
So on all levels your homone theory is bs with me

stitchglitched · 02/03/2018 10:43

I would think that someone who underwent a termination at 21 weeks when they had previously been happy to be pregnant would be even more in need of a supportive friend. Her plans changed drastically due to her relationship breakdown, she might have been overwhelmed about the thought of going it alone, depressed, worried how she would cope.

I'm far more shocked at your actions than hers.

squeekums · 02/03/2018 10:48

DrewBerry
Ever thought she was protecting her mental health and wellbeing? That is as important as physical health
How do you know she wasnt too ashamed to say she was in an abusive relationship? I mean you dont give off the confide in me vibe, more the i will judge you regardless vibe

coffeeagogo · 02/03/2018 10:51

@bluepears
you mean free from negative judgement as you have judged their actions and made your opinions known. and yes women have a right to bodily autonomy but its irrelevant as a fetus is not part of the mothers body

A fetus is not part of a woman’s body??? Really.... I’ve heard it all now

DrewBerry95 · 02/03/2018 10:52

I would think that someone who underwent a termination at 21 weeks when they had previously been happy to be pregnant would be even more in need of a supportive friend. Her plans changed drastically due to her relationship breakdown, she might have been overwhelmed about the thought of going it alone, depressed, worried how she would cope

Yes you're right - and I still stand by what I said. In this case it sounded like she needed extensive support, perhaps counselling. Company from friends and family. Not a termination at 21 weeks. Sorry

She was very 'it is what it is' about the termination situation and mutual friends were all very shocked how calm she seemed after the procedure. Just odd

pointythings · 02/03/2018 10:57

Drew you don't know how 'calm' she was inside and how she really felt. People feel the need to cope and put on a brave face. That kind of fatalism can be a defence mechanism. If you had been a true friend, you would have offered support and waited quietly to see if she needed you. You would have been there for her. Instead you judged and dumped. Despicable. Indefensible.

DrewBerry95 · 02/03/2018 10:58

pointy but again, I didn't agree at all with her choice so what would have been the point in staying in contact?

I still think what she did I was unthinkable.

That pregnancy was perfectly healthy and she wanted it out, simple as

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