NDN and snow and disability

[ciele]

I'm quite severely disabled as my NDN knows.
It has taken me 45 minutes and excruciating pain
Aibu to have expected some help to clear my path?

Why did you need to clear it?

Has there been heavy snow?

Do they usually help?

Were they even about on a tues afternoon?

It would have been nice if they’d offered, YABU to have expected it though.

I saw a neighbour making slow progress towards the local shop with her zimmer frame the other day and mentioned to her that if she ever needed help that she only had to ask. Being a nice neighbour I thought. She snapped back that she "has a husband you know!" That'll be the last time I offer for fear of upsetting her! It doesn't take much to put someone off and it sounds like you are more than stroppy enough to have put everyone off

Plus, we're warned left right and centre these days not to clear our paths as if someone slips on the resulting ice we can be sued. I don't clear mine, I certainly wouldn't clear someone else's for fear of being held responsible.

You’re a delight aren’t you OP?

And very entitled.

I’m disabled and wouldn’t expect help off anyone!

If you have the same attitude in real life as you've got on here then I certainly wouldn't be offering to clear your path!

You also don't know if your neighbour has any health problems. DH looks healthy and might be able to clear our path but he actually has chronic back problems and would suffer afterwards so probably wouldn't do more than he had to.

Did the path need cleared? Did you neighbour even clear their own path? I can totally imagine my grandparents saying this but they are in their 90s ... to answer your question, no, I wouldn't expect it.

I would assume if you were disabled enough struggle to clear the path you probably wouldn't venture out in weather like this, as the sensible option would be. Also, I am not a morning person, it wouldn't occur to me to wonder about my neighbors issues before work/school/whatever.

If I had cleared my own path and I had time then yes I would probably clear my able-bodied neighbours but that just because of our circumstances and that we have shared ownership of some things. So we have both cut each other's front gardens for example. But most other places I have lived it would never have occurred to me.

OP.

I'm disabled. I'd likely puke from pain, shit my pants and pass the hell out if I tried to shovel snow. And still.....

YABU.

They might not know you're needing to go out. They might not be in. They might have done their own back in. There are a whole host of "mights".

I promise if you try to come across more nicely, people will offer to help.

Why should your neighbours take responsibility for clearing your path of snow?

YABU your neighbours aren't mind readers and from your attitude on this post I wouldn't go out of my way to help you tbh. My Godfather was disabled and he didn't have this appalling attitude that you have.

If you did it, they are likely to think you are capable of it.

Well, no-one's going to remain young. Unless they have a portrait in the attic, of course.

Some of us are young and disabled as well! But you are being unreasonable in expecting someone to do it. As everyone has said already if your attitude on here is anything to go by no wonder your neighbour didn't offer.

Luckily I live in a town, whereby when we have snow, then men with 4x4's ask on fb who needs paths clearing, medication collected or anything from town. We message them our request and they will do it. All off their own back. So people who can't get to elderly and disabled relatives know they are taken care of. It's times like this I realise who lucky I am to live in a small town.

@Snowysky20009 that sounds really lovely

YABU.

If you clear the path and then it freezes you could be creating an ice rink. Best not take the risk.

Well I am clearly being unreasonable!
Believe it or not IRL people are always telling me how nice I am 😂
I was in pain and yes it did take 45 minutes.
When I was done my NDN came out and said hello so presumably thought everything was fine and dandy.
I was brought up to OFFER help. They had done their own.
I always feel bad that I can’t offer help (physical) to people these days but from the majority of responses on here no one would notice anyway because so many people are lacking manners anyway.

I think everyone here is being rather MEAN.
My family would clear the path of elderly or disabled neighbours, as people have done for my elderly grandparents in the past.
Why wouldn’t you ? It’s common courtesy.
Often people’s families don’t live nearby, so can’t help out on a daily basis.
M6 mother’s horrible new neighbour never helps her, but lovely precious neighbours do, and she has always returned the favour in taking in parcels, or taking their bins back to their haouses when emptied.
Common courtesy people ! If your parents would be kind to their neighbours, perhaps you all should be too.

Can your DH not clear it before work? Also aren't you mid-fifties???? That's not old or even close to old.... My DB is the same age and had chronic condition but still would clear his own path...no matter what the pain...some people are doers and some are ...please do for me!!!!

Perhaps just call round and ask if it's ok if they assist if you need help with the payh in the future

So how do you offer help to your neighbour?
If I'm clearing mine, I'll often clear the neighbours. But they do other things to help me. It has to work both ways. I have a friend in her 90s. She can't stand for long, struggles with a lot of physical things now, but she finds lots of ways to help me out. Quietly and without making a song and dance. So I do the same for her back.

We clear snowy paths. Deep snow compresses unevenly, when walked on, and turns into lumpy ice, which I find impossible to walk on due to hypermobile ankles and dodgy hips. So we shovel, or sweep, then salt and keep it up.

I would offer to do neighbours if I thought they needed help.People often don't like to ask for help, so it is nice to offer.

When I was done my NDN came out and said hello

They were probably doing stuff and hadn't even noticed. I don't know anyone that sits by their window looking at the neighbors path to see what they're doing. For example if their kitchen is at the back of the house and they were in it how would they even know what you were doing next door?

Did you ask them?
Did you need to go out?
Have you got no friends or family yo ask for help if you need it?

Why not pay someone to do it? I always help my disabled and elderly neighbour, however the truth is she can’t manage her house at all and it is sad that she is still living there and not somewhere more accessible, she doesn’t even use the upstairs anymore. Is your house right for you OP if you can’t manage it?