To think this engagement is a farce?

[SweeetHomeAlabama]

I’ve name changed for this to prevent outing myself.

My BIL met a girl with a daughter and fell in love. By all accounts they’re very happy. The girl has a son (we’ll call him James) from a previous relationship and they waited a good 6 months before introducing james to BIL. James’ real dad has been a major let down and within weeks of James meeting BIL, he gave him a Father’s Day card. He was calling him Dad in no time. BIL is fairly well off and his girlfriend didn’t have much before so now plasters every single thing they have/buy all over Facebook. BIL was visiting us yesterday and told us he plans to propose to his girlfriend. We asked if he thought they’d get married soon, he told us “No, she just wants her ring, she’s not too fussed about the marriage bit”.

I have to say, I really don’t understand the point in getting engaged just to have a ring. No doubt it’s so she can show it off on social media. I quite liked her when I first met her but I’m just unsure of her intentions now I suppose. She seems happy but I think that happiness might purely be because she has more money and a Dad for her child, rather than for actually being in love.

Not really my business I suppose but just wanted to vent a bit really. Her bragging does wear me down at times.

To be fair OP, if she is after his money and a father for her child then marriage would be on the cards pretty soonish; it wouldn't be 'just for the ring', granted I agree that she'd want a costly shiny expensive ring.

But if as you say, and I'm doubting it, that it's about the bragging then you can always hide her on FB and you don't "have" to spend lots of time around her. You are an adult and can behave cordially, I suppose other than say birthdays or Christmas then you don't need to spend time around her. And there need not be an issue made of it.

A man doesn't get 'trapped'. They might be in that honey-moon phase where they are so in love and everything is amazing. When that period comes to an end and everyone can see things in the clear light of day then perhaps things might change, or they might not. No-one can know this. In meantime, stop being so invested in it. Remove yourself from the entire thing. If you think its a car crash in the making then so be it - you are entitled to your opinion. But you can't do or say anything about it.

Ignoring the ridiculous derailing by ‘sociology experts’...

OP; hide her on facebook so you don’t have to see her posts. Show minimal interest when she boasts to you, then change the subject. She’ll soon get bored when she doesn’t get a reaction from you.

In all honesty, I think they’ll be together forever. BIL is very backwards in what he would look for in a relationship and because of this, he’s never had a serious relationship. He thinks a woman should take care of him, cook, clean etc. He is very much the man of the house and decision maker. I know that dynamic wouldn’t work for most but she’s happy with it. I hope they do stay together because I’d hate to see the child lose out a second time round with her male role model and I also think BIL would have been at risk of becoming very lonely had he not met her. I have to spend quite a bit of time with MIL (for reasons I can’t go into detail with) and SIL (to be) is always there. I know many of you are saying this is not the issue but it genuinely is; I’m struggling to be around her because of the boasting. I’ve been biting my tongue like you wouldn’t believe. She’s the type that if I pull her up, she’ll go ballistic. Trying to avoid that in all honesty but she’s driving me up the wall.

They both sound awful so I suppose it's best for the rest of us that they've found each other.

All right then Sweeet you just need to work out how to deal with her.

No one is “unchallengeable”. Of course you can challenge things you don’t agree with.

I find that you can say anything you like as long as you use a smile and a cheerful tone.

Alternatively just say “hmm, lovely” in a vaguely bored way and then change the subject.

BIL is happy and she suits him. I’m afraid that’s family life.

My DH and my BIL are incredibly different. If they weren’t married to sisters I doubt they be friends. However they both make a bit of effort and rub along nicely together.

I literally do not know ONE person who is middle or upper class, or a professional, (who went to uni etc,) who met someone and got engaged and knocked up within a few months. It's always the lower classes. I am not saying there is anything wrong or bad with it; just stating a fact

Prince Charles and Princess Diana? Started dating and were engaged within 6 months. Married less than 6 months after that. Pregnant two months after that. Engaged, married and pregnant 10 months after she first met his family. Very lower class.

Generations of my family have a long history of meeting and marrying and having children very quickly often a fair few of them (granted in modern times lots of children are no longer typical)

This was also fairly typical for everybody else with a castle estate to protect.

Yes that's family life.

You just have to nod and change the subject

Pregnant and married within a year.

I am not "lower class" (last time I checked the serial code on the back of my head)

Now happily divorced :)

Yes, I think it is a farce.
I suspect your BIL is stringing her along and has no intention of ever actually marrying, to protect his assets.
Poor woman! I wonder if any of the new house and cars are in her name or if she could be kicked out tomorrow with a child and nowhere to go?

Op. You don't like her. It's that simple

Maybe as you're very affluent she feels she needs to try to compete and is conscious of the fact she has nothing on her own. Do you brag to her about your wealth and not realise it?

Oops, I don't know what happened there! Didn't need to be said twice

Well I appreciated it Ivymaud

I pictured you in a wing backed chair with your fingers steepled together, ivymaud, slowly repeating it for effect.

I never understand engagements where there is no intention to get married tbh.

I imagine she feels very lucky to have the finer things in life due to his generosity.

I'd probably post on my FB page if I met a wealthy and generous man who lavished me with gifts too.

Is your BIL a bit older than her?

I thought you were repeating it for effect.

The boasting is understandable (she's probably very excited) but I do get why it's very annoying to have to listen to. Ultimately there is nothing you can do about it except change the subject and learn to ignore it. This is one of the things about families, you just have to put up with their irritating (if harmless) foibles .

Tbh my partner and I are engaged and didn't have any plans to marry. We wanted to show the commitment while we save for our wedding, it seems a step up from being a girlfriend and seems more serious to me

Awwww, all ganged together did you to get my views deleted?

Bit pathetic.

Someone says something you don't like, and states FACTS, and you get their posts deleted.

So much for free fucking speech eh?

Fucking mumsnet mafia.

Gonna report that too ^

Go on then.

Fucked if I care.

Why are you here user? Do you need something?

Hey user1490607838 any response to my fact?

Prince Charles and Princess Diana? Started dating and were engaged within 6 months. Married less than 6 months after that. Pregnant two months after that. Engaged, married and pregnant 10 months after she first met his family.

Or do you not acknowledge facts that fly in the face of your "facts".

(BTW I didn't report anything)